Archive | January 2014

ATTENTION ANY AND ALL ATTORNEYS

ATTENTION ANY AND ALL ATTORNEYS



January 24, 2014
ATTENTION ALL ATTORNEYS
              
Subject: Request for Legal Representation 

I was in New York this week on October 2, 2013 and I am contacting your offices to request legal assistance or representation in obtaining resolution and closure regarding my current legal situation.
Although I am a Citizen of the U.S. of America, 
I have been advised that I am in the wrong country.
                                                                                                                          
I am contacting ANY AND ALL to request legal assistance and/or representation, resolution and closure regarding my current legal situation; which involves, copyright infringements, breach of contract, civil rights violations, mail tampering, court tampering, violent acts, etc…
I have compiled proof by using documentation, public records, contracts and copyrights in my book entitled, Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game!, Music, Murder and Mayhem -Nonfiction and INVISIBLE: Living in America without Rights 2013.
Although, I would prefer to reach a fair legal and resolution, I have not been given much of a choice in the matter. This is an autobiography that shows step by step, the tactics used to steal lyrics, intimidation methods to coerce, and how major music companies attempt to outright steal the lives of struggling artist.
This book contains supporting documentation; contracts with Zomba (major music publishing for Jive Records – BMG-Zomba (EMI) now placed within Universal Music Publishing Group making them the world’s largest music publishing business, Copyrights, public records, court documents and personal dated journal entries that cannot be disputed nor denied.
I have provided my contact information above for further questions along with a copy of my book for review. Please review my websites for more information: http://7westpublishing.com/ , http://musicbizadirtygame.blogspot.com/. In addition, I have sample copies and inserts listed @
Please contact me if you are in a position to assist. If you are unable, please forward this request to an attorney who can assist.
Thank you for any assistance in this matter,
Seven West Productions
Tiwanda Lovelace, Owner
P.O. Box 400001
Las Vegas, NV 89140
(702) 900-4087



Visit Online Store for YOUR Printed Copy 

SUMMARY:

Although I have compounded legal issues, I have tried to provide brief numbered details of some of what has occurred below.

I am contacting your offices because there are compounded situations but to provide a summary:

1. My father is incarcerated for allegedly killing a Detroit Police Officer, Stanley Rapaski and Cass Czerwinski. I can’t help but wonder if Czerwinski is related to Democratic Representative Joseph C. Czerwinski.  

First, anyone who kills a police officer – their family is definitely persecuted and is unable to obtain assistance from the system; especially, if that person is a prominent member of society.  

Everyone knows that police stick together and as a matter of fact, the other accomplice conveniently died while being apprehended in that case. Human nature…

2. I wrote the lyrics and melody that were used for a television sitcom many years ago. These lyrics were given to now prominent music producers, Lee Marcus and Jake Salazar. Of course, I didn’t find out about the use of the song until years later.

3. Since the individuals who placed the first songs didn’t offer contract or monetary compensation, I kept writing with other local producers until I was offered a 50/50 co-publishing agreement with Zomba after a disagreement with Larry Hatcher and Art & Rhythm’s Larry Campbell.

4. Zomba’s pub agreement made reference to taking co-ownership of all songs written by me; including material prior to signing. (Remember I was not aware that the previous songs were used yet).

I spoke with two entertainment attorneys; the fact that previous attorney’s would encourage signing a contract for little dollars when they know that all entertainment lawyers would most likely require a large retainer in the end demonstrates that there is a problem.

5. Zomba representatives then attempted to pressure me to sign management contracts with producers that were on their roster whom I had never met. 

While contracted with Zomba, I submitted over 40 song lyrics and melodies that were discussed in detail with their representatives and some listed directly in the contract.

6. After submitting these songs, someone associated with the business brought it to my attention that an artist by the name of Desire (real name Monique), with the help of Michael Powell, Art & Rhythm’s – Larry Roc Campbell, Paul D. Allen, and Larry Hatcher has received a 6 album deal with Warner Chapel label releasing single.

I heard personally and have others confirm blatant similarities to my work and have been derived in full and/or in part from my copies submitted to Paul D. Allen of M. Powell’s – Vanguard Studio, Larry Hatcher of Hatcher Hits, Larry Roc Campbell of Art & Rhythm and David R – Zomba, rep. I worked consistent with all parties listed for a period of time. I have split sheet for “Baby Stay with me” and I heard this finished by her.

7. After notifying Zomba of this deal, I became subjected to a multitude of tragedies, threats and intimidation. 

Almost every song lyric and melodies were used in part and in full. These songs were being played on the radio for years. I will provide you with attachments to show copyrights.

8. Zomba used publishing contract to steal lyrics and melodies, then denied possession of works (even though material was mentioned in publishing contract, the use of intimidation methods to coerce, and now everyone is asking for an extreme amount of money for a retainer.  

I understand that litigation cost but this should not be allowed to be used as a scapegoat to avoid being held accountable. 

This is the ‘game’ that prevents resolution and allows these tyrants to continue their actions. 

9. I then attempted to file suit and although the amended complaint that complied with F.C.R. and was filed within courts guidelines. 

The judge dismissed before reviewing factual evidence and ignored actual acts of violence and request for counsel to be assigned. Basically, I have documentation that clearly shows misconduct.

10. During this ordeal, I maintained my copyrights and always required signed documentation with any co-writers.

11. Within two months of completion of my Registration of Copyrights for all of the songs provided, suddenly the Dekalb County Probation submits a violation of probation report to the Courts and they issue a warrant although I was under the supervision of Michigan Probation and reporting as directed.

12. The timing of the execution of this warrant was in sync with everything that was going on around my trials with seeking assistance from attorneys and all of the many groups. 

I had filed the copyrights listed below and they were processed just months prior to the illegally obtained warrant being issued.

1.             PAU001720136 / January 7, 1993 “Collection I – Tiwanda.”
                Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967 – 18 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES,           1 RAP, 2 POEMS

2.             PAU001721382 / March 4, 1993 “Collection II – Tiwanda.”
                Lovelace, Ne Ne – 6 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES,

Although per Inter-State Case Reports, Lovelace was reporting to Michigan Probation AS DIRECTED by Courts, there were no efforts were made to contact and/or provide Notice of Hearing.  

Again, there was no notice of hearing, revocation hearing, or opportunity to be heard.

13. Dekalb County police then used this warrant to modify my 1st Offenders Act, changing status to conviction. Records reflect multiple arrests, repeated offenses and provide misleading transmittal when 4 of 5 items are in reference to the same (original) First Offenders Act offense. 

Dates and charges are inaccurate and/or inaccurately presented.

This warrant was signed May 19, 1993 – expired July 31, 1997.
In a letter used to take housing from the Lovelace family, a police agency stated that the warrant was valid in 2005 and that they were unable to execute due to budgetary constraints. 

However, when I lived in Georgia 2003/2004 there were no efforts to arrest? 

I believe the warrant was serving its purpose, which was to inflict damage, hinder and harm. Prior to filing this case, I submitted a notice and a request for correction to all parties involved since it was preventing employment and shelter.

13. I have proof of misconduct show the courts switched Judges after plaintiff filed for Summary Defendants ignored service of Summons.

I believe that this system intended to hold me accountable for others actions and all under ‘color of law.’

I am requesting legal assistance and/or representation, resolution and closure because these entities are still using their power and positions to continue to oppress. 

I have documented proof of civil rights violations, mail tampering, court tampering, violent acts, etc…
Since this has snowballed, police were using illegally obtained warrant to modify records, take public housing and take employment. Georgia unjustly threw my case out but shortly after a public defender was able to quash warrant. 

I am stuck in this free for all, caught up between multiple major entities and trying to obtain my freedom from this chaos.

Even now my record has not been updated or corrected properly because this case was once again used to have me detained in handcuffs and refused entry into Canada in 2013.


I have other legal issues that have occurred of which I have been compiling; such as, screen shot, documents, etc…that prove that I am being deliberately deprived of my rights to liberty and life. I refuse to let them murder me quietly behind the scenes. 

I have attached some of the documentation to support my claims and I hope that you will be able to assist or refer this to someone who can.

Thank you,

Seven West Productions
Tiwanda Lovelace, Founder
P.O. Box 400001
Las Vegas, NV 89140
(702) 900-4087
tiwanda@sevenwestproductions.com 

sevenwestproductions@gmail.com 

Official Website: http://7westpublishing.com/
Online Store: http://shop.7westpublishing.com/

BIO – 

Tiwanda Gail ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace was like many other unknown artist who was used and then discarded by the music industry. She has survived countless attacks on her character, and has lived to tell the tale as a true survivor. 


Many have found Lovelace’s book to be an interesting and thought-driven read. The owner loves helping new authors and artists and wants to ensure that none of them go through what she did. Having been in the music industry since 1991, our company has more than 21 years of experience. 

Facing many struggles as an outcast, a black woman, a wife, a mother, and as a writer and lyricist, Lovelace has written many songs to which she never received credit. 

She was the co-writer of the song, “What Can I Say to You (to Justify My Love)” for the artist Hi-Fives, for which credit was never given.

Lovelace was contracted with Zomba, a major music publishing company for Jive Records, which is now BMG-Zomba publishing company. It was then placed within Universal Music Publishing Group, becoming the world’s largest music publishing business.

Instead of administering her publishing by securing copyrights and ensuring that her works were protected, the publishing company neglected all their contractual obligations. However, what they didn’t count on was that she had secured copyrights and maintained all related documentation.

Here, Lovelace exposes the corruption in the music industry in her book. She proves it using supporting documents, copyrights, public records, court documents, journal entries, and contracts with Zomba™/Jive Records™ (BMG™-Zomba™ which is now Universal Music Group®).


For many, getting into the music industry seems like a dream. However, for our owner, Tiwanda Gail ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace, it was a complete struggle. Never receiving credit for the songs she has written, Lovelace is now determined to help others before they sign a contract with a major company.

FREE NO DOWNLOAD REQUIRED – Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game! Full Version

FREE NO DOWNLOAD REQUIRED
http://7westpublishing.com/  

Breaking News: The Business of Music: Operating with Impunity?

Posted: May 17, 2014 7:21 AM PST 


Written by Tiwanda Lovelace of Seven West Productions – Bio | Email  | Website |  Online Book Store
Dallas/Fort Worth, TX

Harassed and Homeless for Fighting for My Rights!

“The more you stand up for yourself, the more opposition you have to endure. 

Even with proof of deliberate violations, even without having any personal mental or emotional issues, even though you do not have any substance abuse issues…the system will deliberately oppress and prevent you from maintaining employment. 

Their Lies and hate, prevent you from conducting business when you speak out against the system designed to violate certain individuals. These same individuals that they used to make a profit and then they discard you.

They present you in the worst light in order to justify little or no compensation.”

Even with with work experience and many employable skills, I don’t even receive an interview call in over a year.

So I developed products and I have been traveling to promote my books and poetry but when no one supports your efforts this eventually causes homelessness. 

I worked for many years in the music business and they used 40+ songs lyrics and melodies that made them hundreds of millions of dollars but because I am an unaligned African American Woman, this system feels that I am not entitled to having rights so they do not feel that they have to pay. 

Others don’t like my response to what has been allowed to continue and some do not care because of their own hardships.

I am certain that if you take a moment and review EVERYTHING that is included in this title provided to substantiate the fact that I am not guilty of all that I have been accused of.  

See for yourself how people have manipulated and lied in order to continue the dehumanization and enslavement, before you judge.

This will be my last post for a while so I hope that you will enjoy.

Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game!

Autobiography of Tiwanda ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace
Written by Tiwanda ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace

Seven West Productions
Published by Tiwanda Lovelace
Copyright © 2013 by Tiwanda Gail Lovelace

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by electronic or mechanical means, including information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages.  This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.  Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

ISBN 978-0-9896225-9-2 Smashwords eBook Edition, November 18,, 2013

Library of Congress 1-883369881 January 29, 2013 & 1-960108361 July 6, 2013 Literary Work
1. Curse of the Dragon Lady Volume One: The Perfect Victim – Autobiography of Tiwanda ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace
2. Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game! Autobiography of Tiwanda Gail ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace

Library of Congress Copyright Registration Numbers for Lyrics and Melodies / Date / Title:

3. PAu001607112 / 1991-07-22 “Forever.”  Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967-
4. PAu001529149 / 1991-07-22 “It’s sinful.”
5. PAu001529148 / 1991-07-22 “Once again.”
6. PAu001720136 / 1993-01-07 “Collection I-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967-
7. PAu001721382 / 1993-03-04 “Collection II-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, Ne Ne
8. PAu002025249 / 1995-04-14 “Collection I-Better Safe than Sorry.” Seven West Productions
9. PA0000789883 / 1996-01-16 “What can I say to you (to justify my love)?” Hi-Five’s Greatest Hits.” Jive 01241-41544-2, c1994. Compact disc: Hi-Five greatest hits. Jive 01241-41544-2, c1994-Compact disc.

Published in the United States by Seven West Productions, Las Vegas, Nevada 2013

Created and Written by Tiwanda Gail Lovelace 2012
Edited by Tiwanda Gail Lovelace
Edited in part by Dana Lovelace
Family Historian and Edited in part by Darryl Robertson

Table of Contents
Title Page
Bibliography
Prologue
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Curse of the Dragon Lady
Chapter 2: Childhood
Chapter 3: My Family and Faith
Chapter 4: The Journey to Me
Chapter 5: Love and Marriage
Chapter 6: The Fugitive Years
Chapter 7: In the Beginning – Music
First encounter which lead to Zomba
Initial Legal Consultation – Howard Hertz of Hertz, Schram & Saretsky
Zomba’s Publishing contract
Casting Sheets
Chapter 9: The Games Began
List of Zomba’s Roster of Writers
Royalty statement from Zomba = Joke
Chapter 11: The Dangling Carrot
Copyrighted Registration Information
Certificates of Copyright Registration
Proof of delivery / Express Mail receipts
Letter sent to Zomba/Jive regarding Betrayal
Letter sent to Zomba/Jive regarding Warner Chapel Deal
Completed Split sheets for musical works submitted to Zomba
Chapter 12: Coping methods
Front Men–Hankerson, Powell, political connections
Governmental, Local Agencies and Groups contacted
Defensive Mode
Chapter 13: Forgive, Never Forget
Chapter 14: Betrayal
Chapter 15: Tragedy at Home
Letter to Governor of Michigan
Grievance Letters sent to Zomba & Grubman, Indursky, Schindler and Goldstein
Copies of Certified Mail Receipts
Alexander Kuhne, Attorney Response to Grievance Commission
Zomba/Jive’s Denies having Songs
Zomba’s Response: Envelopes marked with the words “COMICS”
Mail Tampering and Mail delays
Zomba’s Idea of Resolution and Response
Zomba’s Answer to Allegations
Lawsuit filed against Zomba/Jive
Case Summary of Events
Explanation of Exhibits provided to Courts
Copyrighted Collection I – TIWANDA
Co-Publishing Contract Includes and List Songs
Order to Show Cause
Lovelace, Plaintiff Complied w/ Order
Clearly Explained Exhibits
The Fix: Case dismissed prior to Zomba Response
Zomba/Jive History and Information from Wikipedia
Facts surrounding my life – Police, Family, Events
Chapter 16: Furthering my Education
College Assignment: Two page Obituary and an Epitaph
Chapter 17: The Last Straw – Michigan
Chapter 18: Life in Las Vegas NV
Chapter 19: Georgia: The Return
Chapter 20:  Twenty years later – 2012
Chapter 21: Friends or Foes
Victims of Music Business/Civil Rights Violations!
Extra Clippings and Inserts – Free
Coming Soon! By Tiwanda ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace, Author
INVISIBLE: Living without Rights in America 2013
Music, Murder and Mayhem

Chapter 1: Curse of the Dragon Lady

Dragon [drag-uh n]
–noun
1.
A mythical monster generally represented as a huge, winged reptile with crested head and enormous claws and teeth, and often spouting fire.

Origin:
1175–1225; Middle English < Old French < Latin dracōn- (stem of Draco) < Greek drákōn kind of serpent, probably orig. epithet, the (sharp-) sighted one, akin to dérkesthai to look.

Dragons are commonly known or associated with being an evil fire breathing creature used for harming. Some have been depicted as pleasant cartoons like in ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ or as the hero dragon that picked a boy to help save mankind in the movies. Some are thought to live in dark hot caves; usually alone.

I, personally, have always been intrigued by the Dragons, solely due to their ability to take flight and to breathe fire. I have always compared ‘words’ to ‘fire’ due to its power. For many centuries, words have been used to change lives. I know you have heard of the phrase ‘words moving mountains’, well this has been proven true in our history and even today. Words have inspired and/or destroyed nations. There is also reference to words being likened to a sword; acknowledging its strength. Our words can uplift our spirits or they can ‘cut like a knife’. However, words spoken in anger are the ones that torch the very soul like that flame from the mouth of the dragon.

For some, words are all they have to express themselves. For human beings, it is fear, pain, love, and anger that move us. By using our words we yield such great power. We all have the power to affect others but with that being said we must ask ourselves do we use our words for good or for evil. Most don’t care about their fellow man and how do we even expect them too with everyone so self-absorbed with their own pain and anguish.

From my personal experience, I have watched words of love move people to do great things and make many sacrifices for their loved ones.

I have also heard stories of how fear has made the difference between life and death. I know you have all heard about the stories where an individual has displayed inhuman physical strength when faced with life threatening events. Out of all of our emotions, I consider the most motivating force or emotion to be Anger. Yes, it has destroyed countless lives due to quick decisions that were made out of anger. As individuals, we have different views and on occasions, we may not respond in the same manner but we will at one time or another find ourselves lost in our emotions.

There are some instances where you have must an outlet or a way to ease the pain and anguish. Some methods may work for some, while others try to find peace in other ways. I have heard of instances where someone would write down their concerns and bury their thoughts – literally. Some prefer to write down their feelings and then set it afire to rid themselves of their feelings of despair.

I have used each of these methods as a way to cope at one time or another. However; due to the never ending rage that seemed to consume me, this was not providing me with any lasting comfort or release.

My anger turned to rage with each incident; growing deep within my spirit to my very soul. I don’t have to tell you that this kind of rage is damaging because it eats at you until any and all the good is sucked from your body, mind and spirit. Yes, I considered myself to be a strong person but even this became too much to bear.

I would have never believed that this world was truly this wicked. As I started to change into whatever this is that I have become, I noticed that my reference to fire is the only thing that was even close to describing what I felt bubbling up inside.

It may sound silly to most but I would mentally visualize pushing that fire from deep within my gut and out toward my limbs. I guess this was my form of meditation or source of relief for my anguish. As this fire would, figuratively, channel through my body, I would pretend to shape this fire into balls and amuse myself as it landed any and everywhere. During this time, it appeared to me that the life that I was living was full of immovable obstacles. I could easily be compared to a fire breathing dragon lady and I was on fire.

As an adult, I have never been timid but I could easily be described as aggressive, insensitive and angry. This was the result of compilations of life events. I can’t tell you when it all began but I can tell you that this has been going on long before I arrived.

Although I have been called many names, such as; Wa Wa, Mama, Auntie, Grandma and Ty, my given name is Tiwanda Gail Lovelace. My friends and family call me Ne Ne.

I am one of the many unknown artist that are out there that have been used by the ‘system,’ the industry only to be discarded.

I would like to provide a little background information about me that has led to my decision to write this book about my personal experience with the music industry.

Chapter 2: Childhood

As a child I was able to survive heinous acts forced upon me as a very young girl. In some cases, most small children are born with the ability to forget most tragedies. Unfortunately in my case, I can remember being at the babysitters house. Each night, I was pulled from a bed piled up with other children of all ages to be fondled and touched. What truly made my horrific abuse more tragic was when I realized that what was done in the dark wasn’t a secret at all. Oh, how the boys teased and taunted, forcing me to relive the events.

As a child, how was I supposed to know whether this was normal? I am not talking teenage years or pre-teen. I was somewhere between 3-5 years old. I don’t know why it took decades before I could speak to my mother about it. Like other abused children, I am certain that I acted out but who knows. I think I was probably feeling as if it was the norm or maybe somehow I was bad. I know I blocked it for many years.

Every one deals with abuse differently. It’s hard to explain but I believe that I developed the ability to genuinely care about others but I can also shut off my emotions when I find that it is necessary. Some choose self-defeating methods due to low self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness. No value is placed on them as human beings so they respond using one of those emotions mentioned above. Some may pretend or seemingly appear as if they survived the abuse unscathed; meanwhile they’re quietly dying inside.

As I look back, I don’t really have any bright stories about being a very young child. I am sure there was some good but I only remember the bad. Maybe I had already turned inside myself and into my own world to avoid the emotional pain.

This chapter is intentionally shortened because that is how quickly I would like to forget…

Chapter 3: My Family and Faith

My grandmother, Leona Mae Williams, was born and raised in Franklin, Kentucky on the Tennessee border. She was the youngest of twelve children and the first to attend what is now called – Tennessee State University. In her second year she met and fell in love with John Thomas Robertson of Promise Land, Tennessee. She dropped out of school to be with him.

Leona Mae Robertson moved to Detroit after marrying John. The young couple, like many others left the south and moved to Detroit after WWII with hopes of a better life. John had asked my grandmother’s parent for her school money to help provide for her but they refused.

Shortly after, he left my grandmother and their two children – Mary Catherine and John Jr.
My grandmother found herself alone in a strange big city with two young children. The only family she had was her in-laws. My grandmother was able to secure employment at a restaurant and delicatessen called ‘Esquire’. This premier restaurant was also known as a 24 hour late night spot for entertainers; such as, Redd Foxx, Sam Cook, Smokey Robinson and the young Aretha Franklin along with her father – C. L. Franklin.

Leona was able to find a place of her own instead of living from house to house with strangers. She ended up moving into the Jeffries housing projects. The Jeffries projects was the sister property of The Brewster projects which was recognized as being the home of the infamous Diana Ross. Much later in my life, my mother would say that she disliked Diana Ross so I can only assume that she may have been familiar with her from the neighborhood.  I always loved Diana Ross; especially, after seeing her in “Lady Sings the Blues” and “Mahogany”.

My mother, Mary, is currently one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Prior to finding her faith, my mother grew up in the Jeffries housing projects; which was in the downtown area of Detroit, Michigan. This housing project is where my grandmother raised my mother and her brother, as a single parent. Some years after living in the projects, my mother met my older brother Darryl’s father, Lennell Cason. Everyone called him ‘Casey’ and he was a known ‘stick up’ man who would rob the dope houses, leaving his name as a calling card. This was a bold move that led him to being shot thirty-seven times and left for dead leaving Darryl at eight years old without a father.

In the 1960’s, Detroit was making great things happen with Motown and all the hit-makers of that time were getting that city on the map. Although my mother doesn’t go into detail about her past, it became clear to me that her childhood was a very rough one. One thing that I see hasn’t changed throughout the years is that there are a lot of talented people that come from the poorer neighborhood or what is referred to as the ‘hood’ or ‘ghetto.’

My mother was and is a very good writer who, at eighteen years of age, she was given an opportunity to have a career in writing. It didn’t matter to them that she had gotten pregnant but my grandmother wouldn’t allow it. So they respected my grandmother’s wishes and advised that they would wait.

When they returned to make her another offer they were met by my grandmother who answered the door and exclaimed, “She’s pregnant again”…then my grandmother slammed the door right in their faces. Of course, I was the child who was responsible for ruining her chance to get out of the projects. Eventually, she was able to get out of the project.

My mother kept me in the dark about her past. In my younger days, I recall her speaking to a man that she had feelings for but I believe due to religious differences it didn’t work out. I can recall his African attire but I wasn’t privy to specifics since I was a child in a child’s place. I was able to ascertain that his religion allowed more than one wife and my mother would not be party to that kind of arrangement. I remember her crying after their conversation and I recall her having a grudge. Her experiences and views influenced me in my younger years and maybe that’s why I probably never gave Muslims a chance. I have always associated them with negativity with regards to what I perceived was their views on women but I wouldn’t know. This may seem unjust probably because I honestly am not familiar with their teachings.

Although my actions while young didn’t always reflect the wholesome behavior that my grandmother and mother had instilled, I still managed to always fight to maintain my self-esteem in a world that would make every effort to take it from me at every turn.

It is sad that my relationship with my mother had to end the way that it did but you will see why it was necessary as you continue this journey with me. It was important to let go.

I am able to recognize that when you are young and living in a housing project, you will be subjected to a certain degree of turmoil even as a child. When your single mother works ten to twelve hours a day, I can only imagine what my mother may have experienced considering the influence of others, mixed with a little peer pressure and a dash of puberty. Let’s just say that it is evident that trouble found her too.

Reflecting back on my younger years of being physically and emotionally abused, I had wondered if she was my real mother or if I was a foster child. It is possible that she could have just been treating me according to how she felt about my father. I questioned her motives because unlike most young mothers, she didn’t name me. I was told that an aunt on my grandfather’s side of the family was given that duty. I find it strange that a young woman can carry a child for nine months then give the right to name that child to someone else.

Imagine my despair when hearing this as a teenager. It was hard finding out that not only did my supposed mother not name me but that the definition of my Swahili name – Tiwanda (at that time) meant ‘Cursed One’ and ‘Cursed to wander.’ I cannot help but wonder why it would be necessary to curse a child at birth. I guess that’s just one of many unanswered questions.

During the years prior to the riots, young black men and women were unable to secure jobs so many may have made choices that were frowned upon. I don’t have to describe what it was like in Detroit during the 1960’s but something happened to my parents in this tumultuous time.

I say this because I personally witnessed her pain. Being in constant pain can make you mean and sometimes uncaring after time. It seems strange but it feels like she had a similar life. She was a writer from a poor background with association to men from the neighborhood. Her dreams were shattered and probably by the hands of someone she once believed cared for her.

Considering some similarities to what she and I have always been subjected to; it is very possible that people from her past came back in an attempt to use her to hinder my efforts at seeking justice. I can’t help but wonder who she may have been referring to when it was implied that she said, ‘your son messed up my relationship with my daughter?’

Her cooperation came shortly after my sister was raped and dropped off at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Could this have been a message?

According to Michigan Department of Corrections; my father – Robert Heard, was convicted of murdering a Detroit Police Officer, Stanley Rapaski. I was told that my father was with someone else who was attempting to rob a local bar while Rapaski was there off duty on January 10, 1969. The officer and the bar owner was shot and killed in the process.

The police reported that the other alleged suspect in the murder accidentally, shot and killed himself while being apprehended. I don’t know how someone could have shot a gun multiple times in an attempt to murder and then accidently shoot himself. My father knew another police officer and turned himself in to him in order to avoid being killed or at least that was the story that I was given. While researching, I discovered that there are different versions regarding what happened on January 10, 1969.

The bar owner’s name and the other alleged suspects name was not readily available online. How it is the police officer’s name was released but the other men involved names were not? I have found out their names that were omitted and exactly who they were to possibly shed more light on what actually happened and who were affected. I have a right to know the information regarding all parties involved since this is a part of my family history. After continued research, I was able to establish that the bar owners name was Cass Czerwinski and that the other alleged suspect’s name was Paul Kincannon. I am still researching both individuals.

Since I have recently found out the name of the alleged suspect-Paul Kincannon, I can’t help but wonder whether or not it is possible that he may have been a black activist caught up in the storm that swept so many young black men away or was he just a victim of society that made poor choices.

I wonder if Cass Czerwinski, the bar owners family were influential, powerful people that could keep their names out of the press. I am still researching both parties; however, I can’t help but wonder if Czerwinski is related to Democratic Representative Joseph C. Czerwinski.

I will never know what it was like for my father because I was not there in the late 60’s during those radical days. I have only met with him a few times in my life; once I met him when I was a little girl and I went to see him as an adult. I would write to him throughout the years sometimes but I stopped when it seemed like he only wrote back when I wrote.

As I recall my first visit, I remember the bars and all the loud noises made it uncomfortable. I remember being a little afraid but he addressed me softly, making me feel comfortable. When I saw him again as a teenager but I didn’t realize how insensitive I was toward his excitement for music and all the things that I took for granted. Our father-daughter relationship was hindered by a life sentence and due to my mother’s dislike for him which I believe was due to her own alienation.

The last time I saw him was just before I moved to Las Vegas. I advised that I was concerned for my children’s safety. He never told me where to go or what to do; he simply stated that I was to keep the children safe and for me to do what was best for them. He also told me that it was important that I do not seclude myself and he reminded me that I would need people. He encouraged me to stay positive. One thing I remember is that he would say that I could do no wrong. I can’t help but wonder if he still feels the same today.

He can’t relate to being a woman out here in the world, kept in the dark all while being surrounded since birth. I shouldn’t be required to have an excuse for being human in a world that does not recognize my humanity. Before I continue it is important that I express that even though I have seen and experienced so many terrible acts, I do not judge a whole group or race of people as one. I recognize that human nature makes all capable of horrible acts.

Speaking of horrible events, I was born July 2, 1967 just three weeks prior to [1] The 1967 Detroit riot, (also known as the 12th Street riot) was a civil disturbance in Detroit, Michigan which began in the early morning hours of Sunday, July 23, 1967. The precipitating event was a police raid of an unlicensed, after-hours bar then known as the Blind Pig, on the corner of 12th (today Rosa Parks Boulevard) and Clairmount streets on the city’s Near West Side.
[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1967_Detroit_riot

‘I have a dream this afternoon that my four little children, that my four little children will not come up in the same young days that I came up within, but they will be judged on the basis of the content of their character, not the color of their skin.’

‘I have a dream this afternoon that one day right here in Detroit, Negroes will be able to buy a house or rent a house anywhere that their money will carry them and they will be able to get a job.’
~Martin Luther King, June 23, 1963 Detroit, Michigan

The quotation above comes not from Dr. Martin Luther King’s famous speech, but rather from the massive March to Freedom that happened 2 months earlier in Detroit. On June 23, 1963, an estimated 125,000 people marched down Detroit’s Woodward Avenue carrying placards and singing “We Shall Overcome.”
In 1967, police confrontations with patrons and observers on the street evolved into one of the deadliest and most destructive riots in United States history, lasting five days and surpassing the violence and property destruction of Detroit’s 1943 race riot.

[2] In April 1964, Detroit, Michigan, Malcolm X delivers a speech entitled “The Ballot or the Bullet.” During his speech he emphasized the common experience of African-Americans of all faiths: ‘It’s time for us to submerge our differences and realize that it is best for us to first see that we have the same problem, a common problem — a problem that will make you catch hell whether you’re a Baptist, or a Methodist, or a Muslim, or a nationalist. Whether you’re educated or illiterate, whether you live on the boulevard or in the alley, you’re going to catch hell just like I am.’ [2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ballot_or_the_Bullet

According to Malcolm, one of the ways in which the government had “failed the Negro” was its unwillingness to enforce the law.  Malcolm X noted that 1964 was an election year.

My father’s alleged criminal record displays:

1st – April 22, 1964 – Breaking and Entering a building with Intent- Discharge Date: May 1, 1966
2nd – June 23, 1967 – Larceny in a building – Discharge Date: May 19, 1970

It can’t be a coincidence that the only prior charges that my father faced were on or around the same dates mention above referencing civil rights activities. What I find questionable is that listed on MDOC-Michigan Department of Corrections for last alleged offense was a discharge date of May 19, 1970 but the murder of the police officer was on January 10, 1969. Unless the word ‘discharge’ doesn’t mean released, my father was incarcerated at the time of this murder and could not have committed this crime. I was told that the judge made it clear that my father would never get out of jail and in over forty years he kept his word.

[3] There are a couple of articles on this incident but there is an article that tells of a ‘Secret Witness’ program started by a popular Detroit newspaper. This program started in 1967 that was supposed to help solve crimes by offering a reward and anonymity to those who would provide information to the police. Well, according to this article there was a $5000.00 reward offered and that is how the police were given names of suspects involved in the shooting deaths of Stanley Rapaski and Cass Czerwinski. Also in the article, there is mention of two bandits, the owner and four customers being inside the bar but the police statements did not mention any other witnesses. The article goes on to state that there were now three assailants but no mention of other witnesses.

I can only imagine what happened to the civil rights activist and their families when no one was looking. If you ever wondered what happens to the children of persons convicted of killing an officer, I can tell you that it’s not pretty.  Let’s just say they are not allowed to lead comfortable normal lives. If given the opportunity, most abuse their power to exact revenge and I believe that what has happened to me can be summed up with one word – Revenge. You can’t imagine what a person would be exposed to when they are raised separate, unaligned and exposed.

[3]http://books.google.com/books?id=WzUEAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA26&lpg=PA26&dq=Paul+Kincannon+1969&source=bl&ots=H9o8PZWicx&sig=1-PO4As2egxNAS_hWgNMNTZXc1Y&hl=en&sa=X&ei=jJGAUfufCcW9qAHm-4GgBA&ved=0CFAQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=Paul%20Kincannon%201969&f=true
I was raised by my mother and grandmother in Detroit. I was raised with four siblings; three brothers, Darryl, Loyd, and Terrell. I was also raised with one sister – Tyra. My mother has been married three times but we didn’t share the same fathers.

Growing up was not easy due to their beliefs that Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t approve of associating with those who are not of the same faith.  [4] The society was founded in 1881 with William Henry Conley, a Pittsburgh businessman, as the first president and Charles Taze Russell as secretary-treasurer.  The society was incorporated as Zion’s Watch Tower Tract Society in Pennsylvania on December 15, 1884, with Russell as president.

[4] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporations_of_Jehovah’s_Witnesses

At the time I was growing up in the ‘faith’ as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, they also discouraged the young members from going to college. Conveniently, this was around the same time that I told my mother that I wanted to become a lawyer so I could represent my father and get him out of jail. I can’t help but feel as if being raised separate only creates perfect victims because how can you live in a world but not be involved or affected by it.

They encouraged followers to remain separate from the ‘world’ but as I recall The Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses main offices being located in Brooklyn, New York. This is one of the biggest, well-known states in the U.S. That doesn’t seem like they are separate from the world; instead, JW’s are knee deep in the world. As I reflect on my experiences, JW’s hinder their young members’ futures by alienating them and telling its followers that the world is ending.

We are all dying but we shouldn’t stop eating and working because one day we are going to die. In my opinion, I am sure that they are definitely making victims for this system to use then discard.  I can’t help but get this image of a group of men sitting somewhere rubbing their hands together saying, ‘We will be right there to keep them isolated in their weakened states. We need to make sure we get our fair share. Laughing at the terrorized and panicked looks on their victims faces.’

There were advantages in studying the bible; in that, my mother always made us read the scriptures and study constantly. We learned how to study and communicate what we read to others. I didn’t mind going door to door to speak about God when I was young. But as each of us approached puberty there was no kind of understanding. It was as if the older people that were called ‘Elders’ were never young themselves. How can you punish a teenager for liking the opposite sex or for being curious? Well needless to say, after I was first ‘publicly reproved’ or ‘marked’ bad association my heart was broken when my friends stopped speaking to me during this time period. Being ‘marked’ or ‘publicly reproved’ was when no one in the building would speak to you.  I guess this could be viewed as being my first betrayal.

Chapter 4: The Journey to Me

Junior high was memorable for me because I began to discover my passion for writing and developing my personality.

Of course, I was not popular but I was definitely known. The thick coke bottle shaped glasses, combined with short hair platted into four sections deliberately; as if intended to dissuade any attention from the opposite sex. I was draped in clothes that were considerably out of fashion, too small and sometimes too short making it clear that the money was not flowing in our household.

Detroit schools were known for putting fashion up there with education itself. You were somebody if you wore brand names and always had the latest styles. I learned a lot in school but I never truly felt like I belonged.

I had my girls, Shirley W. and Cherrie O. I had other buddies but I can’t recall their names. I would tell them of my ideas and summary of my short stories. One in particularly stands out, it was the one about the girl that became a waitress and the man who found her many years after they were separated. Being the lovesick teenager that I was back then, I always had dreams of true love and viewed men as if they held the key to happiness. My mother was over-protective and at times very bitter with regards to men and her daughters.

As I grew, I began new friendships with Sandra, her sister Roxanne. I had Nichel, Rennell, Gordon, Tracy and many more. We all were children of Jehovah’s Witnesses or associated in some way with the kingdom hall.

For the first time, I felt I actually belonged and it felt like I had friends. We called it theocratic friends in faith. We had good clean fun and there were no bad influences. This was how we were programmed, to only associate with ‘our kind’…’so we couldn’t see what was preparing to eat us alive’.

As a child, I wanted to become a lawyer to represent my father and to stand for good. My mother and the Witnesses decided that most of my generation involved with the Kingdom Hall would be discouraged from going to college. We were told that the end of the world was coming and that we need to serve Jehovah by going door to door. I didn’t know that they meant the end of my world. I can’t help but wonder if this is when the plan began.

Was I disposable even then?

I had already begun to write my first book in my first year of high school. The only person I let read this book was Mr. Rosenberg. He was one of my favorite teachers and he told me that he liked my story. My book was kind of similar to Prizzi’s Honor but with a twist. It was a story of a young girl who saw her father murdered and then grew up seeking revenge. She grew up to be an assassin that fell in love with another assassin. Later in the story, they were both paid to assassinate each other.

We were allowed music but it was censored and obviously not enough because I discovered the musician and artist ‘Prince’ and it was on full blown. I used to sneak to listen to him on the radio. I became fond of this disc jockey- Jay Sloan, while in or around high school.

I was really going thru puberty and smelling myself until I bit off more than I could chew. I guess the devil was listening and my hormones were racing. Just stupid crazy and – as usual, I was messing around with a world that I had no clue about.

I snuck him into my mother’s house and did not think about what would happen afterwards. We began to kiss and things started moving quickly. My body wanted something but my mind was not mature enough to even grasp what I was about to do. Luckily for me it wouldn’t fit and I just ended up crying like the little girl that I was. When my brother came in and caught us together, Jay kindly removed himself from the situation, being older and having had no business being in my mother’s house. I allowed myself to get in that situation but I am glad that we were not successful.

Needless to say, I sat down somewhere for a while. I was so embarrassed and that’s probably why I slept with Timothy as my first even though I was crazy about Ryan. Timothy was very light-skinned, short young man who was just a few years younger. I have to acknowledge that I liked Timothy; but I was not in love. Timothy was the first boy that I walked away from when he tried that ‘love me, love me not game.’

I didn’t want to have that awkward moment for my first time with someone I was in love with since middle school. Ryan was medium brown-skinned, a little taller than me but with one summer he grew into his adult form. He was really sweet and he would sing to me. He made me truly believe in love.

We were young and in love but of course within weeks I found out that he was going away to boot camp for the marines. I even tried to enlist. I passed all the tests with flying colors. I was going to be a marine too – HOORAH!

I was ready to try anything to get out of my mother’s house because as I became a teenager we did not get along. Then came the physical, I was healthy as a horse but blind as a bat. The recruiter advised that if I lost a contact while in the field that I could easily shoot the wrong people. I was so sad but I tried to maintain a long distance relationship with Ryan but I could not follow through. Life on the home front became so stressful that I could only focus on getting out of my mother’s house.

I have very few friends from my younger days, but I still keep in touch with Nichel. She and I used to like the same type of guys when we were younger. We both went to the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses with our parent(s). We both had the same views about a lot of things.

I know that we have experienced periods of time when we didn’t speak. Mostly, because we were busy trying to provide and survive. Life has a way of keeping you busy. There was this boy that we both liked and we found out later that he was trying to sleep with both of us. We almost went to blows over the bum. Nichel was about the same size or smaller than I was and she has this baby voice that always made her sound like a kid. Nichel and I were both fighters and have similar views on our upbringing. We disagree with some of the practices that alienate family members and judge its members harshly. Nichel and I have had our disagreements in the past but we have always agreed to disagree and respect each other’s right to their opinion. Nichel has always put her children and family first even before her own needs.

After high school, I became promiscuous. That’s why I settled down so young. I didn’t like how I felt about my actions. I had no idea of the emotional consequences of my actions since I was on a figurative ‘lock’ down since birth.

I remember when I met the guys with the female rapper, Roxanne/Roxanne or was it The Real Roxanne out of NY. I messed up and made some very bad decision with my body. With all the craziness that seemed to surround my life, I can’t help but wonder if they ever stopped to consider that they were taking advantage of my obvious gullibility. I could have been retarded and it wouldn’t have mattered to them.

Maybe it was the people’s reactions and comments, but I felt like I was some spy wired for sight and sound sent out into the world.

Chapter 5: Love and Marriage

Shortly after completing high school I met my husband, Curtis. I thought we were very happy and for years I thought we would always be a couple.

Our facial expressions do not reflect happiness in this picture that I picked up as I take this journey down memory lane.

I think we both look like deer’s in headlights. I was eighteen years old and Curtis was twenty-one when we were married in 1986. It is funny when you’re young and you think that you’ve got life all worked out. I loved my family unconditionally. I gave all I had to be there, to protect them. Once upon a time, I did love my ex-husband for many of the years we were together. I believe we grew apart with time and under duress due to our trials.

Curtis was five foot ten inches tall, muscular build with broad shoulders and huge arms. He was a good communicator and seemed to truly care in the beginning. We had a lot of good times and shared a lot of dreams in our youth. In the end we simply outgrew each other.

Sometimes, I wish I had just been completely selfish in my younger years. I wish I had put my own desires and happiness before my family’s happiness and my sometimes seemingly ungrateful, self-absorbed children’s livelihood. I guess most children are self-centered and can’t see past the moment.

For many years, I have had a very close relationship with my ex-husbands sisters, Latonya and Sonya. Latonya and I would travel to Las Vegas regularly. She was my best friend for many years and I still consider her family. I don’t speak to her that often but we communicate when we can. We spent a lot of time with each other and shared a lot of adventures. There wasn’t much I did that didn’t include her. Let’s just say we grew apart.

At one point we both cared for my youngest when he was a toddler being checked for spinal meningitis. I was so worried but we would take turns at the hospital while they ran tests. We talked for hours from day to day. She was even there in the beginning stages of my dealings with music producers. She provided support and encouragement when I would express the need for positivity. I am unsure if I pushed her away or whether her new job caused a barrier. I did feel for a moment that she left me but considering the circumstances of ‘my situation’, I kind of understand.

I can’t help but wonder if it was either of them forced to choose between being quiet about the atrocities committed, losing their youth while everyday hoping your children are safe from the ‘sickies’ allowed to defile while the world watches, hoping your family members aren’t brutally raped, and attacked.

Would they have sacrificed their future, their careers? Would they truly help hold you down with their feet at your throat, betraying you with their contempt and blame? Would they even give it a second thought if they were publicly raped emotionally for decades? Would they be able to carry the hatred, the hurt of knowing that your sacrifice is unappreciated and mocked?
Brokenhearted, ‘scarred up but still going’.

This is just my opinion but my advice to you would be – Do it!!!  Protect yourself! It doesn’t matter what you choose, your family will still be subjected to some form of retaliation. Regardless of your decisions, they will hate and blame you. Don’t blame yourself. You are not the first and will not be the last.

Okay, this may be a little too harsh but you must find a way to not completely sacrifice your whole life.

LIVE FOR YOU!!!

Human nature will always prevail. You will lose your family no matter what you choose. Learn to be by yourself. Your sex life must be non-existent because you will be forced to endure further public humiliation and subjected to all kinds of abuse in what I call – The Love game. Most women put so much emphasis on relationships and there is nothing wrong with wanting love; however, Love is no different than any other vice.

 As long as you are human you will want someone to love you but if you find yourself alienated I strongly encourage you to try celibacy. I say this because of my personal experiences with trying to find love and sexual gratification.

Let’s just say that you will have to become you own best friend. Besides, I must mention that my wedding ‘ring’ finger has a bone fallen. This is deformity wherein you have a bone missing from the knuckle. I am sure that there is no hidden message in this; having a cursed name and a bone-fallen on my wedding ring finger is just a coincidence. Personally, I think that there is something in those coincidences.

Most women put so much emphasis on relationships and don’t get it confused. There is nothing wrong with wanting Love but it is no different than any other vice. For years, I was there fighting for my husband, fighting for us. It was me that completed those resumes, found the jobs, and supported him with everything he wanted to do. He supported me, at first, when I told him that I wanted to write music lyrics. For the most part, he provided for the family while I raised our two sons and wrote lyrics to music tracks produced by local talent. I used to say that falling in love was like jumping in the air as high as you can, then grabbing your ankles and hope that someone catches you before you hit the ground.

Let’s just say that in the end, Love was not there to catch me.

As time passed, it never seemed odd at first that the Lovelace’s were related to Benny Napoleon. He was the Chief of Police for Detroit Michigan at this time. Hell, it was his father who performed our wedding ceremony. I guess I was not paying attention to details or I would have found it strange that my father was convicted of killing a police officer. I never even gave it much thought that my mother and then husband hated each other.

Now that I look back, I don’t think it was an accident that we were together. I wonder if this was the same Napoleon that Pac was talking about in his song. I have to accept some responsibility in that relationship because he was presented to me along with a lot of other young men – I chose him. I guess that maybe I was always the aggressor by making the first move but not anymore. I don’t entertain the thoughts of making a move in that direction. It never really hit me truly that I had no one until Curtis Sr. blatantly told me to forget about my music ventures with fierceness in his voice. Those that were in charge had decided that I would be sacrificed and punished because the others were more important and popular.

The last thing they wanted was me pressing the issue about my lyrics and melodies – I wonder why that was? Trust me this hurt like hell because I had hoped that he would have cared for me after all those years of marriage. Instead of catching me, he got out of the way. Although through the years, there were signs that maybe he wasn’t the man that would love me till death do us part – I ignored my thoughts. It wasn’t until our relationship was put to the test that I was certain.

When I look back to our early years, our financial hardships caused a serious strain on our relationship. We agreed that he would work and that I would take care of the children.
Due to lack of funds and constant arguments about money concerns, I took it upon myself to engage in actions involving illegal activities. This only led to more unnecessary drama.

My journal describes what happened…

DISCLAIMER:

– My journal entries are intended to describe my feelings, my interpretation of events and in some cases are dated and time-stamped. Unfortunately, most of the time that I write is when I am feeling despair, anger and frustration. Please keep in mind that my journals were my only true release.

Chapter 6: The Fugitive Years

Journal entry from 1991:

Letter written while fleeing to avoid prosecution of a Georgia Theft by Fraud case:

“I am a twenty-four year old wife and mother of (2) two children. I have also been a fugitive for the last (3) three years. (When I walked away, I had no idea of the ramifications of what I had done.) These last three years have been the hardest years of my life. I am not the average strong willed youth. I was weak and naïve. I pretend as if I am strong but instead I am a soft bruised fruit, waiting for my way out of life. I had no self-esteem or sense of worth. I have to accept the pain that comes as a part of my life.’

‘I understand the pain that I have brought upon my loved ones. I brought this pain to others by following childish whims and by chasing dollar signs. I should have tried to provide for my family legally.’

‘But the greatest sin that I have committed is the sin against my children in subjecting them to the possibility of having to watch their mother carted off to jail’

‘Although I am only 24 twenty years old, I feel like I am (50) fifty. I am haunted by nightmares of me as an old woman waiting for life to be sucked out of me.’… ‘Now my children will have to face the horror of growing up without a mother’….’One of the reasons why I have not turned myself in is because I am trying to help teach them to be strong black men. They learn fast and although I am not the best mother in the world, I love them more than myself. These memories of them as babies will give me strength to survive jail. The pain is worth each day that I am given to be with them.’

Hopefully, they will be weaned from me by the time they come for me. They can’t keep me forever for fraud but until my time is up, I hope that they never forget that I love them both equally with every piece of strength that I can muster out of this tired body.’ ‘Please God be merciful. Give me strength, my children need me. Most misery comes when you’re when you are young, so please watch over my little ones.’…I hope that my love ones will understand why I had to leave and face the music.’

‘When arrested, I will cut off all contact until I am freed. Please, no calls and no visits because it will only make it harder on everyone.’
‘Although I am a fugitive, I have a good heart and I am learning to handle the pain and I am no longer suicidal. I am scarred and confused; yet, I cannot react.’

‘I want to turn myself in but I cannot intentionally hurt the ones I love by walking out just yet. My boys are (3) three and (5) five years old. The youngest will take it the hardest.’

‘I feel one day that I might pull together the strength I need to go on and make that move but I must let people see that I have repented.’

This is my way of dealing with the pain…even to this day I would rather go through my rough times alone. I could not believe that because I crossed state lines that this became a federal offense. I became one of Detroit’s Most Wanted with my picture up on the wall of the local Post Office. There was some talk of a newspaper article making reference to me and my questionable activity.

Prior to adulthood, while walking late at night on the Detroit city streets, a young man just started walking with me and he asked me was I not afraid to be out by myself. He further said that he could rape and kill me. I simply told him that he wouldn’t but he just laughed and walked off.

I guess I was blessed…god watches over babies and fools; I was both.

July 5, 1997 Journal entry- Flashback to Fugitive years June 1992:

‘When I think back and read this letter – I can’t help but be relieved that I survived those days. I am now a (29) twenty-nine years old divorcee but I have my boys.’

‘I remember the day that I decided to turn myself in. At the time my husband, my two boys and I were sharing a house with my younger sister, her daughter and her boyfriend. It was summertime on Detroit’s Eastside. Everyone got up early and went their separate ways. By that afternoon, I went back to the house to pick up some things from my basement bedroom.

As I searched through my things, I couldn’t believe what I stumbled across. It was my baby sister, trembling with fear, tears pouring down her face, hiding in the storage closet. I could not believe she was hiding. It turned out her and her boyfriend was arguing and he threatened to come home and beat her. Instantly, I became furious at the fact that she let him frighten her that bad.’

‘We were not raised around this kind of person and I thought she was stronger than that. So of course, I got involved. It seemed like the right thing to do because she certainly had no spine and wasn’t about to fight back.  So I called him and cussed him from Detroit to Cali. How dare he? I know he didn’t think that I would let him beat her up.’

‘After this I knew he would be rushing over to attempt to ‘set me straight’ about his business. So I went to get my twenty gauge shotgun – just in case this got nasty and called my husband to come look out for me.’

‘As you may know, one of the drawbacks with being a fugitive is you can’t call the police because the first thing they want is your name and your identification. So I knew it was just us and all I know is that he wasn’t about to beat me up too.’

‘By the time I arrived, my husband and her boyfriend had already talked about me and all my secrets that my sister had shared with him. You know the things that no one should have known. So now he’s got my husband ready to turn against me. So I tell my husband that we’ll discuss this later and commenced to really cussing her boyfriend out again in front of his boys. Of course, it was typical and just like a female, he told my husband that I was chilling with his boy when I went to Vegas (no, I didn’t sleep with his friend).

‘By now her boyfriend is enraged to the point where he finally can’t take my mouth no more; he picks up a half-filled forty ounce bottle and throws it over my head. It shattered all alongside the wall behind me.

Immediately, I looked towards my husband (who is still mad at me) for some kind of defense because you know my gauge is still in the trunk of the car but I am in the house. So as I am fussing, I can see I can’t count on this fool. So I ease the ‘party’ outside, besides if I have to shoot him I would like to have witnesses to show that it was self-defense.’

‘While outdoors my husband decides that if I’m going to get beat up that he should be the one to do it. My husband stepped in front of me as I continued to cuss my sister’s boyfriend out. It was something about the way the word ‘B-word’ slipped off my lips – it drove her boyfriend mad.  He lunged at me swinging his arm around my husband. As the tip of his finger grazed my chin, all I could think was that ‘it was on now.’ I went straight for my twenty-gauge but wouldn’t you know it, I had so many keys on the ring that I couldn’t find the  key to the trunk. As I went for mine, he ran for his. Running right by my – at the time- useless sister to get his gun, for me.’

‘Here’s another phrase for you, I was Ass-out; standing face to face with this crazy maniac loose with a gun. I was so angry and by this time – so alone because by this time my husband was not standing between us anymore. All I knew how to do at this time was cuss his ass out some more. Her boyfriend kept telling me to shut up but of course I didn’t. Do you know that he shot? All I heard was – bang, then another bang!’

‘I opened my eyes and prepared myself for unbearable pain but somehow, I survived. The whole neighborhood came out staring but then he ran and he didn’t come back.’

‘I was so alone, never so all by myself. I couldn’t even call the police.’
‘Immediately after this, I had my husband purchase a plane ticket to Atlanta GA to face the music. I found myself in Hot-Lanta at a bus stop. Close to the county jail singing Mylira’s ‘I wanna go outside in the Rain’ verse by verse…the days begun and there’s no one inside this empty house to hold me, nobody…no one to share my love with, no one to care no one who’s here to take care of me…nobody, etc..’

It wasn’t until I was shot at by my sister’s boyfriend for standing up for her and the fact that my husband didn’t stand up for me – I knew that it was time to address my legal issues. I couldn’t believe he really fired his gun at me and most importantly, I could not believe how he missed me considering how close he was. I was so furious that I continued to verbally assault him, mocking the fact that he had to go get a gun for me.

I was 5’4”, 130lbs and without fear, even then. The whole block was outside by this time and all I could think about was that once again my husband didn’t stand up for me.

On June 27, 1992, I was so hurt that I purchased a ticket to Georgia to turn myself into the Authorities. I wanted to get it all behind me and move on with my life. I served thirty days in DeKalb County jail awaiting trial and received the First Offender’s Act and probation as my sentence.

July, 1997 Journal entry- Flashback to when I turned myself in June 27, 1992:

‘I have to admit that I felt a little weird walking into the jail house asking to be locked up. Even the officers on duty were looking at me strange. They made me wait a long time. My hands were sweating, my throat was dry and I was getting sick to my stomach. Finally, I went back up to the desk and told them that I was changing my mind and if they couldn’t find the case then that would be alright.’

‘Unfortunately, they took that decision away from me. I was now in custody and what better time to inform me that I had two other charges added since my earlier departure. All I could say was that I didn’t do that and pray that I don’t get railroaded.’

‘The first time I saw where I was to sleep I was disgusted. It was a dormitory setting, bunk beds all in a row. There were private rooms with doors but these were for long timers or on a first come basis.

Everything was rusty and dirty looking. The first night, I didn’t sleep a wink. I was talking to a few of the girls that evening. One of the girls hooked me up with a smoke and we three talked a while. Explaining how things were done there. A woman’s facility is much different from a men’s facility. Women are more civil, I mean you’ve got your knuckle heads everywhere but for the most part – they are civil.’

‘I met dancers, prostitutes, crack-heads, thieves and even female baller’s. Even though we were from different worlds we had two thing in common – West Wing One and court dates.’

‘The ladies and I talked for a while; I did think it was a little strange the way I made friends so fast. It turned out that they were curious because they brought it to my attention that my band was orange, unlike their white ones.  The orange band means that you are crazy. Wouldn’t you know it, my first day in and already marked crazy? Probably for being the only fool in history to turn their self in. I couldn’t help but laugh’

‘There I was locked up with two extra charges and a band that tells everyone that I am crazy that was just great. I traded in one nightmare for another. I learned right away what most of the girls was in there for, since that’s the first thing everyone wants to know.’

‘I remember this one girl; she was a ‘working girl’ who would tell me stories about her scars. She had a scar that went down the left side of her face from her eyebrow to her chin. She told me of her pimp and what he’d done to her throughout the years. It was heart-wrenching to hear the pain in her voice as she described the beatings and abuse. I guess she had a real impact on me because I never forgot her. If it wasn’t her pimp, it was the tricks whooping her ass. It goes without saying; this was not the way I wanted to go.’

‘Everybody had a story to tell, each thinking their situation was worse that the next persons.’

Someone helped with this Georgia case, the public defender was fierce when she stepped in to handle that charge against me. She told me to shut up (which I did) and she was able to obtain the First Offenders Act and probation as my sentence. The First Offenders Act enabled me to honestly say that I have never been convicted of a felony as long as I did not engage in any further illegal activity.

God had worked through some group/person to look out for his lost child, again.
This was definitely a memorable experience that I will never forget. It made me reflect back to my late teens. I was just a little over eighteen years old; this is when I discovered sex. I swear it seems like some of these men hang out around the high schools or get some kind of mailing list because the men came and tried to run that pimp game right around high school and I almost allowed myself to get taken in. I have been running from them all my life.

On the bright side, I was now in a position to use my real name again without fear of repercussions.

Being locked up changed me and my views on life and I swore to myself that I would never go down that road again. Now free, it was a new start for me to try to achieve some of my goals.

Although, I had already started working towards my goals as a lyricist prior to incarceration; in my opinion, I felt a sense of urgency to secure my dreams because I was not getting any younger.

So I continued to work with local music producers in Detroit.

As I attempt to tell of my life story and about my experiences please note that I have no intentions of sheltering anyone from what I refer to as this ‘Sh-Storm.’

Chapter 7: In the Beginning – Music

The DEAL was at one point the biggest Dangling carrot of all. I wanted to write for others and have at least one project released where I was The Artist.

 I had plans but what I didn’t realize is that my plans interfered with someone else’s plans. Along the way I manage to piss off all the wrong people. I tend to do that when I sense that my best interests are not being looked after. If I felt the slightest bit of deceit, I was in the wind. I was moving too fast and I didn’t want to settle for someone that would shelf me or just steal my lyrics.

While at the same time, I had to get my name out there and let people see that I had talent. I soon found out that it wasn’t about talent. What I found was a lot of unhappy musicians who were trying for much longer to get there. The industry is definitely worse than the dope game.

All the production companies were starving. Everyone had a dream but only so many had the ability to get their work heard by those who could make it happen. The egos were ridiculous the higher up you went. I met a lot of producers and I intend to address each of them in the order I met them to share my experience.

My first recording artist deal was when I was twenty years old. I signed a contract for a female group with Sanchez (different from the other Sanchez mentioned later). It never went anywhere and with time I just moved on.

Although at first I wrote stories, children’s poems and melodies, I eventually met Lee Marcus. He was about six feet tall or a little less than. He was brown-skinned and almost always wore African styled attire. He seemed like he was a genuine person who didn’t make me feel uncomfortable but I could tell he had pimp-like ways. He encouraged me to use my feminine wilds to get close to older men but this wasn’t my style. I wanted to get into the business but I was young and thought I would be different. I found out much later that the song was used on a popular sitcom. The lyrics for the hook was, ‘Keep standing tall, Keep standing tall…’

I had never watched that type of show at the time so I didn’t realize it was used. I had poor man’s copyright at the time. I found out late that his family/brother was connected to or a police officer. I ran into Lee Marcus some time later, (after my Zomba ordeal) we were going out and my mother ran out to the car to take a picture of him as we were leaving. I was so embarrassed. I think that’s when she gave a care about my safety.

Lee Marcus wasn’t a bad guy, but he thought very highly of himself. Lee Marcus and Jake Salazar were in the music business together. I never found out what happened with them. Even though no one seems to tell me anything lately; it is amazing how much information that people would brazenly tell when they thought that they had the upper hand.  He was having big fun telling me how much that I reminded him of his ex-wife and that he didn’t like her. He also told me of his family being associated with the police. I don’t think that that was the only group that he was affiliated with.
I just assumed that his cocky attitude was because he felt connected or untouchable. I laughed it off because it didn’t matter to me.

During our conversations about the music business, I trusted him due to his experience as a drummer in a band and dealings in the music industry. He definitely had more experience than I had. The information he was providing me with and the music tracks for me to write to seemed invaluable.

Lee educated me about the importance of copyrights but advised poor man’s was same.  I discovered much later that poor man’s copyright is not the same. He had described the structure of the music business as a unit which consisted of five major labels at that time. He went on to mention that the Jews ran the music business. I never thought anything about it because I saw all people pretty much the same.

Being raised separate and isolated, I only had an ideal of the world – Brainwashed from youth. It was my view that most people wanted positivity and I was going to change the world. All my messages, poems and song titles reflected positive or nurturing ideas but that soon changed.

After the initial placements of works that I had given; I can only assume that word got out about lyrics being free game.

Keep in mind that I was a fugitive from the law living in Detroit when I was working with him and I was not on any radar because I never used my name or social security for anything. I don’t recall him ever offering me a contract but wanted lyrics for music tracks. Five works given to Lee/Jake: ‘Keep Standing Tall’, ‘It’s Love/I’m what you need’, ‘where are you now?’, ‘I need you here’, and ‘Just for you.’

Once I signed the publishing contract with Zomba, I spoke with Lee again and I was trying to build a team. I had four to five writers under contract with my company and asked him would he like to help. I remember that he became indignant and began to mock and he laughed at me saying that ‘him sign with me’ as if it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. He was by himself this time without Jake Salazar.

At this time I had no knowledge of other works being placed. So I believe that when Zomba referred to having songs that I had written ‘before and after’ covered in contract, it was very likely that they had knowledge of these works. I, personally, looked at it as if I were paying my dues and was willing to charge that to the game at that time.

Meanwhile, I was unaware that a Georgia warrant was issued on May 19, 1993 for probation violation after I started working with other local music producers. I think that my decisions definitely interfered with someone’s plans. I can wholeheartedly say that their intentions were bad from start. Then I received the blame for not signing or letting them lock me down when it was apparent that I had no value in their eyes. Well after initial Georgia warrant and case was resolved, I really started to work with others in the music industry.

After many years, I was able to obtain information on each of the music producer and I discovered that they were not competitors as I was lead to believe but that they worked together.
[5] At the same time, Jake kept in touch with his musical roots frequently helping his uncle and various other groups playing ethnic music around Michigan and Ohio. The recording studio opened up another world for Jake Salazar and he started to analyze the recordings with curiosity and ambition dissecting each note like a surgeon and precisely orchestrating the production not only as a session studio musician but also as a record producer.
[5] http://ftpmirror.your.org/pub/wikimedia/images/wikipedia/commons/d/de/JS_Biography.pdf

Jake took direction from Richard Becker who was the chief engineer for Motown Records and owner of Pac 3 Recording Studio in Detroit that produced all of the hits for Westbound Record (Parliament/Funkadelic, The Ohio Players, and Patti LaBell.)

Jake later hooked up with DJ (Ben Mercado) who played Latin music at a Detroit local black station, WJLB late at night. He worked for the DJ who asked Jake to go through the records from the mail room addressed to the show and separate the playable records from the non-playable records. Jake got to take the non-playable records home. The playable records, of course, were the records that contained money in the album jackets.

The music industry was deeply embedded heart, mind and soul and it surrounded Jake day and night with its creative influences. His devotion was unparalleled to no other desire. Jake did a sting promoting records for several independent record promotions companies with clients such as CBS Records, Warner Bros. Records, RCA Records, MCA Records and Capitol Records and traveled around the country visiting stations and their PDs to get them to play the records.

During the late seventies and eighties he started working for labels, production companies and music publishers while occasionally performing live and recording in the studio. Jake Salazar has led a successful career as a music record executive a long side his many accomplishment as a record producer.

Jake has achieved three Grammy Nominations for his record productions.

Being in the company of legends, heighten Jake’s capabilities with extreme confidence.
Jake Salazar became affiliated with Manuel Montoya of MEG (Montoya Entertainment Group) a company that provided international services to clients such as Herb Alpert, Janet Jackson, Marie Osmond, Quite Riot, Julio Iglesias, Kenny Rogers, Placido Domingo and Sylvester Stallone to name a few and established a production company.

[6] Jake Salazar was a co-founder of the Tempo Music Group. A coalition of independent record companies owned by veteran industry professionals and celebrities such as Anita Baker/Michael Powell, Sylvia Moy, Martha Reeves, Isaiah Thomas, Thomas Hearns, John Salley, Lee Marcus, and Leonard Jones among other prominent business colleagues.
[6] http://ftpmirror.your.org/pub/wikimedia/images/wikipedia/commons/d/de/JS_Biography.pdf

Jake has been a consultant to over forty record labels and for many of the industries’ major artists and manages the careers of a chosen few. Jake has been a consultant to over forty record labels and for many of the industries’ major artists and manages the careers of a chosen few.

Hip-Hop/Rap artist Baby Blue, A.K.A. Big Nic on Big Money Records produced by Jake’s son,
Jake “Chacho” Salazar, III. All distributed through an arrangement with Universal. Prior administrative obligations were for Grammy Winner Little Joe/Polygram Records, Grammy Winner Cesar Rosas/Los Lobos/Warner Bros. Records, Platinum artist Tierra/MCA Records and DeLeon Music Publishing/Peer Publishing.

There they were, Jake Salazar and Lee Marcus, in my living room, personally providing me with music tracks for me to write my lyrics and melodies, I guess I should have felt honored. Jake Salazar, Lee Marcus, Leonard Jones and Michael Powell were all prominent business colleagues and they say that I am the one who is guilty of betrayal. Obviously, I didn’t just pull names out of a hat, this was no accident, and I can see why these people want me to just die. I guess this is where the harassment from Hispanics could be originating from; they must have had a falling out. What did these maniacs do? Not one of them tried to offer anything, no decency, just treachery and you expected what to happen exactly? I was unaware that they were close prominent business colleagues.

Shortly after meeting Lee, I met Leonard Jones of All Purpose Disc. He was an older man in his late 50’s or older. I accepted a job as his secretary part-time. I actually liked getting dressed and going to work being that I had never worked before. My ex-husband provided for us for the most part, this enabled me to have more time focused on the children and my music. I believe he felt that keeping me close to home would prevent contact with other men.

While working for Jones, I met a lot of people that would come to the office to meet with him. He never came on to me or used his position to try to get some ass like I expected. Instead he seemed to be testing me and checking to see what my deal was. I was also watching, checking to see if he actually had good intentions. Of course, I felt that he might be in a position to help get me to where I wanted to be – Major. As I worked there, I would hear the different artist express their concerns and issues. Mostly, I would try to read all the people that came to his office; including his wife.

His wife hated the sight of me. Jones and I would laugh because we both knew that we weren’t doing anything. If he was cheating, it wasn’t with me. He’d joke and say that she called me ‘that Thang’ and I would reply with “that’s Ms. Thang to her.” Although I liked Jones, I didn’t have faith that once I signed he would follow through.

Eventually, some guys came in the office and they were not happy about something to do with money or a project and it was not pretty. That was my queue… I’m talking about Detroit men, pissed about money; I quit that day but before I left I called myself getting some numbers for distributors and possibly producers. Not unlike anyone else who felt they worked for it. I never saw him again but he wasn’t a bad man but just like others who couldn’t have their way – He probably wasn’t happy with me.

I worked with another talented local music producer named, Darrold Campbell. He was a light-skinned African American. He was quiet for the most part but he spoke when he had something to say. I genuinely wished him well and I liked his music tracks. He was very professional and he should have gotten a deal on his talent alone. He would tell me that I didn’t need help with writing song lyrics. His tracks were highly praised by those in the industry with years of experience. I never hesitated to give his business info to others.

In addition, Darrell Strickland was lyricist/producer (slightly crazy in my opinion from bumping his head for years with that dangling carrot). He was between light and medium brown-skinned African American. He was ‘cool people’ but because I felt that he wanted more than music relationship, I left. We had a great time hanging out though. We went to Nova Scotia, Canada and just kicked it with some other musicians. We all just sat around playing music and showing off our talents – Freestyle. I will always remember that trip. Canadians were very friendly to me and it was nice to get away for a while. I know that he had some crazy ass thuggish brothers.

I worked with Hershel Tinsley and Tim Lempke, they were music producers but I didn’t like the way they wanted me to sing. I tried and it didn’t work out. There was no soul or feeling in the song that I was given and I wasn’t allowed input.

I also met with some lady who had studio out of home said, ‘writing songs like a relationship’ Ah; no I don’t think so. I don’t remember her name but I didn’t like the vibe I felt. It was if people were saying that I tried to cut others and was completely self-serving.

I was working on exposure and decided to agree to a radio commercial for ‘Mind your business campaign’ on radio. This was a campaign designed to encourage support for local businesses. It was really good experience and it felt good to hear my voice on the radio.

I was so excited about music tracks and wanted to write, I began to seek out different production companies to offer my vocals to help sell their songs for studio time and/or tracks to write my songs.

Curtis, my husband, at the time supported my endeavors. He purchased a little 4 track player so that I could put my melodies down with the music. I would spend my nights smoking weed and writing. I became obsessed with music and the more lyrics I wrote, the more I learned about copyrights, legal process, etc…but what I didn’t know is that even if you have copyrights – you are not protected if you cannot get a lawyer to represent you.

My husband and family introduced me to Larry Hatcher (If that was his real name) was involved in music industry and was a writer/lyricist who lived in both cities, Detroit and Los Angeles. He was a friend of the family and I was told that he could possibly help me with my music. He was over 6 feet in height, medium build with medium brown skin African American and seemed upbeat, energetic and interested. He was fun and very likable but never open. At this time in my life, my husband and I had just come clean about our issues and concerns with our relationship. I thought that we had decided to work things out and stay together.

So I went into my dealings with Larry with strictly business mentality. Curtis would drop me off at his house to work on music tracks. I liked him but I was chilling and I made it clear that I wasn’t down for extracurricular activity. Once, Larry and Val were sitting on the couch and he just whipped it out and she started playing with him while they looked at me. I kept writing my lyrics and ignored them. He was the type of man that knew his way around women and how to get what he wanted.

One eventful night he decided to take me to a party at his friend’s house, I went and I was running from him the whole night. He finally brought me a drink, VSOP and I drank it. Right after the party, instead of him taking me home he went to his house. I was out of it and the next thing I knew he had me up on the table on my back and lifted my dress up and he was inside me. I couldn’t move and I was in shock.

Immediately, I started crying and demanded to go home. I was throwing up all the way home. I can’t remember if he took me or if Curtis came to get me. I continued throwing up and crying all night. I told Curtis, my husband what happened to me and he didn’t even respond. It was like he didn’t care or believe me. I told my mother and I received the same response. I was so hurt that neither of them gave a care that I said forget them.

Do you know that I hardened myself at that moment and made excuses to justify me going back to who I felt was the only person really in a position to further my career? The sooner the better, than I can get away from them for not caring. I know that he was a friend of their family but I didn’t think that they would just give me away.

So, yes; against my better judgment I went back to him knowing that I had hateful feelings towards him for what he did. I addressed it with him and expressed my anger towards what he did. He apologized and I said I accepted but I still held a grudge at that time. I was furious but I just told myself that he didn’t hurt me. So keeping this in mind, I just couldn’t hold it anymore and when we had that meeting with Renzer – Zomba, rep at Art & Rhythm’s studio with Larry Roc Campbell, I just snapped because I couldn’t bear the thoughts of them cheating me out of my songs and that he did me like that. I went off on him verbally but no one else knew why, just Larry Hatcher and me.

I think back to when I told my girlfriends/sister-in-laws that one of my fantasies was to have my man just take it but we were just talking. Whatever, that was a tragic experience for me. Prior to this happening, I had met his friend Larry Roc Campbell and I was checking him out and I know he didn’t like it but he never said anything.

 What possessed him to do that to me? – To this day I think this was a tactic used to cause imbalance, confusion and dismay. In addition, there were implications that she may have known Larry by her response to our incident.  Looking back I truly believe he feels like I hurt his feelings because he said sorry. I am still negatively affected and way messed up by that move. If he hadn’t he may have had a chance but this drove me to what’s his face…and definitely far away from my ex-husband emotionally.

– Hurt, angry, mad at myself for responding the way I did – My husband and mother failed me, so my dumbass made matters worse with that one.

Larry had introduced me to Larry Roc Campbell, who at that time was a music producer (master manipulator by his own words). Roc was already contracted with Zomba under Ara – Art & Rhythm and worked out of a small studio in Southfield, Michigan. Roc was slightly less than six feet tall, with medium build and medium brown-skinned African American. He would have probably been taller if he not been bow-legged. He also had a cleft or dimple in his chin. He was very sexy in his strong but silent kind of way. Art & Rhythm; which consisted of Ara and Roc, offered a contract but didn’t want to offer any monies. Of course, just like anyone else would have done – I declined due to no money. I tried to talk to him but he just sent me to Ara.

Since I had a husband and mother willing to give me away, I had someone that I thought that I could trust hurt my soul. Roc didn’t think enough to come up with any money for contract, I wasn’t asking for millions; this why I signed that BS contract in my weakened state. I guess I needed to believe that there was something good for me somewhere. I guess I was delusional about wanting to be cared for or looked out for…maybe I saw something that wasn’t there (you think, duh). That won’t happen again. I know that he was encouraging me with his complaining about home, treating me extra nice. Maybe, I wanted to believe I saw something that wasn’t there. Again, my dumbass came on to him and he rejected (which was the right thing to do).

I really thought that he was a nice person but as I look back, he gave me a ‘shh!’ gesture right before the meeting with Renzer – Zomba, rep. Looking back that is probably why Zomba rep. told me after the issue with works to stay away from Larry Roc Campbell. Almost twenty years later, I discovered that he later became Jive Records A & R.

I worked on a few projects with Paul D. Allen. He was a music producer/engineer for Michael Powell’s Vanguards Studio. He is approximately 5’ 10, brown-skinned African American, well dressed quiet but definitely skilled music engineer. I didn’t trust him completely because his ties to Michael Powell and the fact that he scheduled a meeting with me then stood me up but called weeks later ready to work.

Paul was a music producer/engineer for Michael Powell’s Vanguards Studio. I had met Michael Powell but he had his artist that he was promoting and he came across very haughty. Mr. Egomaniacal…..I didn’t trust him and was afraid of his intentions and I had been shelved before.
Paul was quiet and reserved when I worked with him. Honestly, he supplied one of my favorite music tracks, “Why can’t I” – that was a really good song. I wrote and sung my heart out for that one. He looked up to Roc with respect when I made reference to him. It was almost like he wanted to stand up for him when I began to mock.

Shortly after my battle with Zomba began, I met CC or at least that’s how he introduced himself, I was not expecting that and my instincts said ‘run girl.’ This was some new stuff and I probably shouldn’t have…but my instincts are rarely wrong. I don’t think he knew that I knew who he was. I had just seen his picture in a magazine associating him to Jive label. He was gorgeous and so I started to pretend as if I didn’t recognize him.

Suddenly, I got really nervous and I decided to make my famous get-away. I ran away because I couldn’t understand why he was in Detroit, at the same club that I was in. I don’t believe in coincidence. His demeanor and timing instilled concern and I was not ready but tried to play big girl but my fear took over.

David McPhearson – Zomba, rep – CC/Jive… I never worked with him but I was infatuated with briefly. He was light-skinned African American, possibly six feet tall and very attractive. I still have no idea of what his role was in this sudden appearance.

Shortly afterward I started to hear stories about something happened bad to someone and people started treating me awful. Implying that he or someone was beat up or hurt. Now how was supposed to feel. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know who was just caught in crossfire and who was responsible. I didn’t know it was a joint effort at the time. Each of them had their own motives and intentions.

First encounter which lead to Zomba

It felt like someone had my house wired because that would have been the only way. I didn’t go around telling everyone that he was there.

It wasn’t long after the incident with Larry that I met with David Renzer, Zomba, rep but he made me feel uncomfortable. I couldn’t read into his intentions probably because I was tore up from what I was going thru on the home front and with my music. I felt that it didn’t matter/I didn’t matter – Just get your paper booboo or so I thought but my heart and mind betrayed me.

I was a mess and it was my first meeting with David Renzer and the other Jive label representative along with Larry, Roc and Ara, this is when I snapped. I had not seen or talked to Larry in a while so seeing him and being in that situation was upsetting at the time. It felt like I was in a pressure cooker and all I could think about was what I was told about him taking credit for my lyrics, combined with my emotional state regarding our incident and life on the home front was not good. It was too much so I took it all out on him but he definitely deserved a lot of that verbal lashing (I had not forgiven him).

I am sure that each of them had their reasons and motives for their actions but there is one thing that I am sure of is that their intentions were definitely self-serving.

Unfortunately, human nature doesn’t always allow for most to wish others well. Instead, it does give many reasons to intervene, attempt to prevent any positivity, and spread a complacent attitude towards doing the right thing.

Per Renzer’s request, I was supposed to submit in writing my claim to my work.
September 24, 1993 Faxed letter sent to Dave Renzer per request – Zomba, rep:

Meanwhile…Handwritten letter from journals retyped:

Page 1 of 3 – I was addressing Zomba Contracts…

Sent notice to Zomba – mislead into signing split sheet for name to be put on it (song: What can I say (to justify my love for Hi-Five). I Turned down Art & Rhythm’s contract – no cash. Jerome Barney, Attorney said contract okay – sent Hatcher a Cease and Desist from shopping my materials and told me that it would be better if I dealt with them myself in order to build a relationship.

Barney, Attorney said it’s better to have a contract with Zomba. Four sets of originals sent unsigned to me. Zomba sent second set of four contracts then a check followed by an addendum letter breaking down $2,750.00 – Stating they were to hold $2,000.00 balance until they talk to Larry Hatcher. .

I read and signed this amendment letter stating my disapproval or protest because I was called again to write on Art & Rhythm tracks. I received $750.00, then a year later $1,250.00 or $250.00 in 1994. This was wrong.

All the while they said that they could help get my deal, send package, meanwhile, right now you should write to these tracks so we can get placement which makes it easier to get the deal.

Zomba rep, Dave Renzer – Zomba, rep , Wayne W. , Jive’s rep met us at Art & Rhythm’s work station to tell me that they could help get a deal. I was asked to give Art & Rhythm a copy of the tapes I sent Renzer – Zomba, rep.

Page 2 of 3

As I look at this contract that I was sent (7) seven months later – it is different.

I was working day in and day out for Art & Rhythm and sending Zomba those songs. During this period, I was hospitalized. I thought I signed for $2,750.00 advance and added $1000.00 for each contract period initial advance was $1,000.00 for each contract period. (See below)

1st Contract 2nd Contract
2nd = $1,500.00 2nd = $2,500.00
3rd = $2,000.00 3rd = $3,000.00
4th = $2,500.00 4th = $4,000.00
5th = $3,500.00 5th = $5,000.00

Upon signing, enclosed with amendment letter was a check for $750.00.
I went to New York to get the other $2,000.00 because they would never answer phone calls about money. I received a check for $1,250.00 but the bank would not cash it. I was sent back to get a check to cash. It should have been $2,000.00 plus $2,500.00 for second contract period. Then they came with that deal talk.

I was so happy to see the contract, I checked it but when I read it – I have received $750.00, so when it referred to ‘balance upon final resolution’ – I was lead to believe the amendment letter and Blackstone – Zomba, rep  stated $2,000.00 was this balance. I can point out song after song where works have been used.

Page 3 of 3

I have x-rays and bills for surgery, incurred from stress caused by not knowing if I was going to be given credit for my work(s) – At this time there were at least 13 songs out. Prior to these events, I had a physical examination and I was diagnosed as being completely healthy.

I am sick at the thoughts of this but this was strategically set up from day one. The sad part is Art & Rhythm was there with Hatcher but they turned on Hatcher when he came with his attorney. They sought me out to tell me because they knew that I was writing all the current work Hatcher had presented and in some cases I personally submitted to them. Problems came when I wanted money too over the phone he took all my info – knowing that I didn’t have proper counsel at the time.

They used me to sing demos a lot – stringing me along while they coaxed me into believing that they were shopping my deal.

Zomba gave me track to write to and arranged for me to work with specific writers on their ‘team’. They have obtained 30-40 songs since 1993 to present.

First encounter which lead to Zomba:

Page 1 of 2

When introduced to Larry Hatcher, I was told that he was this big time producer from California looking for lyricist/writers. After hearing samples of my demo tape, he asked could I work impromptu and could I start this evening. I told him that I work best alone and when I finished I’d let him know – then we’d collaborate. When time came to get together he was so impressed he left it my way for the majority.

My years in this business has taught me that if no one hears my lyrics they’ll never know- so I jumped at the opportunity to write to the slamming tracks. Working night and day to ensure my chance of getting my lyrics placed on a major artist.

Larry represented himself to me as the owner of Art & Rhythm’s work station and the writer of ‘Unconditional Love’. He presented me with a business card from Paramount Recording studio with his name on it. I found out later that he didn’t work there – least of all own it. {I still have that card to this day}.

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As time passed by the truth was slowly revealed to me little by little, that not everything he said was true. So I investigated him further when he told me everyone liked my work but that nothing was placed yet. He said I should hurry up and come to California with him and keep writing the way I been writing. He said he had contracts for me to sign and these contracts would give me full credit for my work and let him sell the lyrics or present them.

Gradually, he started changing his stories and mixing up the truth with lies. As I got closer to Art & Rhythm whatever he thought I could find out threatened him. He told me that Art & Rhythm didn’t want me coming around. I was no fool to believe everything he said.

By coincidence, I ran into Roc on 8 mile road. He informed me of a placement and asked me if I had anything to do with it. I was excited to hear Hi-Five singing my verse, word for word.

*Song listed in contract with Zomba.

This was the beginning of my troubles with the music industry.

During this timeframe, Zomba handled publishing for Jive Record’s.  I should have never signed and probably would not have if I had not been thrown off guard and sent on an emotional rollercoaster ride.

On September 13, 1993, my mother and I met with Howard Hertz to obtain legal counsel regarding signing the publishing contract with Zomba. I have a bill from Hertz, Schram & Saretsky; P.C. dated October 31, 1994 with reference to September 30, 1994 for $203.82 for services for entertainment consultation.

Don’t believe for a moment that I didn’t seek counsel or legal assistance prior to signing.

I have always made it a priority to copyright all my materials after 1990.
Initial Legal Consultation – Howard Hertz of Hertz, Schram & Saretsky

September 13, 1993 Letter regarding legal consultation for initial contract with Zomba:

Note: My mother was right there at the beginning of publishing contract and at this meeting on September 13, 1993.

So I was more than surprised when on March 28, 1995, Hertz referred me to Alexander Kuhne – Attorney. This was well after providing Zomba with over 40 song lyrics and melodies. I wouldn’t be surprised if this office didn’t represent either one of the parties involved at the time. *See below a copy of bill from entertainment attorney.

I met Barney – Attorney while working for Leonard Jones at All Purpose Disc. Barney – Attorney owned a record label and he was in association with music people. I met with Barney – Attorney more than once.

I filed a grievance against Barney, Attorney as well because he forwarded both parties copies of Cease and Desist letters. By him sending letters to both, one of which was responsible for placement and with the company; this created a situation.

In other words, it wasn’t to my benefit to be fighting any one of them – least of all, both. I wasn’t aware of this so I kept working on projects with Art & Rhythm, not knowing he had cross feelings because he felt like I crossed everybody out. If Barney wasn’t doing anything wrong why not bill me or talk to me again.

I spoke with Jerome Barney – Attorney at law regarding this publishing agreement and as I mentioned earlier he encouraged direct dealings with Zomba but I didn’t know about the other letter.

Barney – Attorney had compiled the Cease and Desist letter and sent to Hatcher.
Zomba’s Publishing contract

October 21, 1993 Second contract received from Richard Blackstone:

Blackstone stated, ‘Promptly’; yet, it took seven months before I received the executed contracts…

This contract was offering very small amount…I declined initially and was insulted but two lawyers said it was standard.

These are just a few pages of the contract…

These pages of the contract is what you never want to see in your contract.

At the time, Zomba Enterprises Incorporated was handling the publishing for Jive Records and Richard Blackstone was the Director of Zomba Music Publishing.

David Mantel has been the president of Zomba Music Publishing since 2005.
Dated April 5, 1994-Executed contract received from Richard Blackstone:

Note: I only listed pertinent pages of the executed publishing contract.

Note: It took seven months before I received my executed copies…

The advance was slightly higher on this contract…

This contract page shows the songs listed, which demonstrates Zomba’s knowledge of works. 
They later deny possession of listed works. 

Chapter 8: Journals

DISCLAIMER:

– My journal entries describe my feelings, my interpretation of events and in some cases dated and time-stamped. Unfortunately, most of the time that I write is when I am feeling despair, anger, hostility and frustration. Please keep in mind that my journals were my only true release.

I have many, many journals where I have documented my reaction to events as they occurred. It is a habit for me to write when I am angry but this doesn’t dictate my entire mindset. My journals were a place where I could express myself, release my anger and frustrations with things that were out of my control.

At the onset of what was supposed to be a promising career, these are entries from my actual journals.

December 25, 1993 Journal entry:

‘Hi, it’s me – I had that same dream again that has been driving me crazy for years. You know the weird part of the dream is that I am running and each time it’s with different people. Each time as I plan my escape they are prepared for me. I don’t think I have ever escaped but I keep trying. Sometimes, the dream is so intense that I can actually call it a nightmare. On those days that I wake up sweating and tearing out of the bedroom, only to go turn on the lights.’

‘I think that’s enough about the dream. I feel compelled to talk music… I’d like to start off by saying that I think that the problem with Roc and Ara of Art and Rhythm Productions/Studio is simply said with one word – Egomaniacs.’

‘I just don’t understand why they would not be focused and it’s not like he’s babyface or somebody. He needs the help. How could anybody turn down someone like me? I have no problem working with or even under somebody as long as I am taken care of. Now, that I know the he has no interest in working with me as a team then I have no choice but to view them as competition. It’s on – Let the games begin! I finished “Attraction” (which is now called “Promise Me”, and I think it is a smash. All I need now is to relay it down. Gangsta Groove is almost complete too.’

‘My concern is this, will these new people – Mike from KJM, Paul from Vanguard, Darrell C from K&K – cooperate. I sure hope they don’t let greed or their ego mess up a good thing too.’

The dream that kept haunting was really a warning, a prediction of what was to come. I no longer have that dream.

December 27, 1993 Journal entry 11:30am:

‘I was hoping to have something positive to release on paper but right about now would be a great time to write a sad song. I paged what’s his name and he has not returned the page. Curtis says that I haven’t given him enough time to respond. B.S.. I hate not having the know-how to create my own music, and then I could be a recluse. Happily at home with my family, where I am safe or at least safer than being anywhere near some other self-centered user.  I hate it when I leave myself open for disappointments. All I can tell myself is that they know not what they do.  I am good at this; actually sometimes I am even great when I put a little effort into it. These next songs that I send in will be the ‘business’ or they won’t go anywhere. Zomba hasn’t been even sent my paperwork like they were supposed to. I don’t think they know either. If I choose to move on and not write I would be hurting myself because I know that I could write Grammy winning songs. I will not worry, so excuse me but I think it is time to indulge myself.

December 27, 1993 Journal entry 1:00 pm:

‘I received a phone call from Roc to meet him at the studio in half an hour so I went a little late due to an unforeseen occurrence. I just paged again so I don’t know so I guess I better get to work at finishing those for Dave Renzer – Zomba, rep to check out my stuff and flip out again at my unorthodox methods. Well they make me feel like I’m fighting to stay on top of things.’

‘In the letter I plan to mention “Gangsta’s Need Love Too” and my contribution to that song and find out do they require my signature on anything? Also, request my paperwork from Blackstone – Zomba, rep and Renzer – Zomba, rep in NY. Yeah, right – all I got to say is I am pissed off now.’

‘I can’t believe the sucker didn’t call me back. I must move on.’ ‘Curtis, Sean and I have begun to critique what I have done and to try to enhance “Gangsta Groove.” “Curtis is very active in this groove.’

11:00PM –

‘The night ended up horrible. Background didn’t show. I guess I will have to do it myself. Tyra will not hear from me for a long time and she will not be singing on anything that I am on. Sean has let Latonya tell him not to change his style and now he is locked on what he can and cannot do; which gives me nothing to work with. He is useless to me now and he doesn’t finish what he starts. I guess I will redo it myself. By the way Paul never called back around 3:00pm like he said. I will keep pushing on.’

‘I can’t make it without help and cooperation. I cannot believe I am rushing and I don’t even know if this will be wasting my time because Roc is not going to allow me to get anything over a certain percentage. At times like these, I don’t want to talk to anyone and I am not from this day forward that is after I phone Dave Renzer regarding that song with Roc. I refuse to work on another music track with Roc. I refuse to deal with anyone outside of family. I am so hurt, wounded, drained and de-energized.’

‘Goodnight (anyways), I hope as long as that dream doesn’t come tonight. I can’t help but to think that they have stolen from me. I must move on and not look back to no one. I will keep struggling forward.’ ‘I was looking forward to working with: Utopia – Karl Reed, KJM – Mike, K&K- Darrell, and Ken Johnson – Angelo Bond or Sanchez.

December 28, 1993 Journal entry:

‘I called Kapp Ivory he says he is ready at the 1st of the year. I have an appointment with KEP Sounds at 6:00pm tomorrow. I called Angelo Bond and he is setting something up that I can be included in on. Finally, I am happy with my work. Strategy is together. Write hits, and then place hits; it’s just that simple.’
‘I also spoke with Terry Powell and he is ready to bring me a track too and work with me on Nick and his tracks.’

December 29, 1993 Journal entry:

‘Kenny Johnson is also prepared to join forces and kick out hits. I called to request a fax of casting sheet and procedures but Blackstone – Zomba, rep is out of office until January 5, 1994.’

‘Curtis and I discussed which tunes to send and what the letter should say to Dave Renzer – Zomba, rep  and Drew Dixon – Zomba, rep .’

4:30pm-

‘I am ready to get paid and if Zomba chooses to believe then it is their loss because baby, I am unstoppable – with God’s help of course. A good fight always gives me the energy I need to kick out hits.’

‘I am Ne Ne – Notoriously Executing New Era.’

I had been Ne Ne for quite some time but this was the day that I gave this name meaning. I had decided that I would fight for this, notoriously.

December 29, 1993 Journal entry:

‘I just had the craziest thought, you know as a kid growing up we can’t wait to grow up so you can make your own decisions. Then when you are finally grown, you have to deal with people placing limitations and hindrances.’

Casting Sheets

January 18, 1994 Envelope for Casting sheets from Zomba:

 
Chapter 9: The Games Began

This is just the first page of a long list of artists provided on January 25, 1994.

Note: Brownstone is listed as looking for work on Zomba’s casting sheet. Their song, “If You Love Me” was the first song using my lyrics and melodies mentioned in Lawsuit.

October 25, 1994 Envelope for Casting sheets from Zomba:

*Note: Where are the words COMICS in the upper right corner that show later?

I was encouraged to submit material that would be placed on major artist.

Even then I knew that something was wrong. I just had no clue as to what mankind was capable of. Nothing could have prepared anyone for what followed.

List of Zomba’s Roster of Writers

In addition to constantly reminding me that Roc- Art & Rhythm was No. 2, Zomba rep. attempted to have me sign under one of their writer’s or producer’s. My name was supposed to be on this list but it wasn’t.

Zomba reps introduced me to some of their other producers over the phone and actually encouraged me to sign with them. Of course, I had no intentions on being shelved and besides that – I didn’t know them.

This is a summary of the management contract that was offered…

Would you have signed with someone that you only contacted over the phone 
and met through Zomba? 

This is a summary of the management contract that was offered…

Would you have signed with someone that you only contacted over the phone and met through Zomba? I DIDN’T!

February 24, 1994 Journal entry:

‘I need to write in the hopes of finding true peace of mind. Somehow, along the way I have lost my fighting power. I like to consider myself a strong black woman but I don’t have that winning drive of 10 men.’ ‘How can I overcome an obstacle and all the world’s problems without help? It seems as if I have been fighting a losing battle, never meant to win.’

‘For years, there has been one fool after another. I refuse to be used then discarded. I put up with Larry, Roc, and Ara for almost a year. I have given around (20) twenty songs combined to them. Just for each to take the strongest points and rearrange slightly. I am tired, so tired of getting nowhere with these producers. It is probably because of my inability to give them a showy display with fancy clothes or cars and for others it is simply because I am a woman.’

 ‘I am not calling anybody and who ever don’t call, come see me, or send message to me while I am in the hospital. I don’t want to see, speak or deal with again.’ ‘I think life is making me bitter.’

‘I just don’t understand why people could be so cold. Everyone that I have dealt with knows that I am poor. I have had before illegally but for once I can say that people treat you better when you have money (as if money makes you special).’

‘I would have been happy with a nice house; you know one that doesn’t come with roaches. I wanted a (3-4) bedroom house and a decent car.’

‘In my heart I am good and I give my all when I work as long as the vibe is there.’ ‘How can I vibe knowing that my songs aren’t moving?’ ‘I feel like the joke of the year. I hate living this way so I guess it is time to move on. I guess I will finish my children’s book and send it to Random House.’

‘Since when does it take five months to send a contract? They have been bullcrapping me from jump. Roc was right I guess after all. I don’t believe this, just when I thought my life was changing and finally moving in the right direction here comes the games.’ ‘I didn’t sign with Art & Rhythm because I didn’t feel like they were going to do right by me.’

This was a rough time for me. I could feel the treachery. I found out later what happened to the songs. They were all over the radio.

Royalty statement from Zomba = Joke

(This song was on four projects – Single, Album, Hi-Five’s Favorites and I believe it was on a soundtrack.)

To add insult to injury, I received this royalty statement.

August 11, 1994 Journal entry –Thursday 7:09 pm, 9080 Burt Rd. Detroit Michigan:

‘I finally took the time to buy another book for my thoughts. I am eagerly anticipating the day when we can finish “Why Can’t I?”, “With Your Love”, and “Is the sex still good?” ‘I’ve changed the channel and I have been working on the vocals and I do believe it is a strong song with a good vibe. It is getting awfully close to September and my broke ass is ready. I just hope that I am not disappointed. But the bigger question is once the songs are complete will they be ready to take care of business. I think that with the songs being unique and each being different vibes, any good producer could hook up easy. I plan to be ready to open up and get off, this is the best part. Oh, don’t get me wrong, its hard work keeping the right key and concentrating on being as close to perfect as my imperfect self can take me.’

‘I have to go retake the drug screen, they say that my urine wasn’t concentrated enough and the nurse called to suggest that I don’t drink water that morning. I know that they are up to something. I want the opportunity to make that good money working at Mazda. Shoot, this was the second time that I’ve had the chance to work for them. Even though my change will be large in a year or less, I can still get this loose change. Just think, I can call that man (welfare) and tell him to cut me off because I got my own weight in life. Sometime I feel a little less-than because of the way most young black women are perceived by the public if they have children and are on welfare. I am alright with it because I know some are only interested in chasing the biggest drug dealers this week. I knew one girl who said ‘I hope he doesn’t get caught before I get my house, he said he’s gonna give up the security deposit, etc…’ I was tripping.’

‘I have grown up real fast. I think about how things keep moving fast. It has been extremely intense for me. Constantly, worrying about family security, making sure we have our necessities. Curtis thinks that I don’t care about spending money but he’s wrong because I do pay attention. The problem is that he is too tight.’

This was prior to hell breaking loose. This was written before I knew what was in store for me. I was not that lazy person waiting for handouts that people wanted to believe that I was. I always wanted to work but at that time, one of the reasons used to deny me was that I thought that I was too good to work. The public ate it up.

The best way to describe my situation would be:

What would you do if a gang of ruthless thugs broke into your house, beat you up, stealing everything that you had, slapped your loved ones and kicked your dog?

Well, after regrouping and ensuring that your family is in one piece; the first thing you and any person would do is call the police to make a report so that the insurance company will pay your claim. Does this make you a snitch? No, I don’t so. A snitch is someone who does dirt with a group of people, and then to save their own ass drags everyone else in it. I am not really up on street definitions but I am certain that normal, regular people file claims every day.

These same thieves get caught up in their world and somehow become divided after getting caught. Bad things began swirling out of control. Violence spilled out on the streets until they reached your door.

Then to add insult to injury, you find out that this gang of thieves has enough clout behind them to sway a very large group of people to believe that what happened to them; is your fault.  Just because you didn’t just sit there and take their abuse; suddenly, every bad thing that happens in the world is your fault.

Then comes the icing on the cake, (figuratively) you are kicked in the face repeatedly and then once you are seething mad that’s when someone has a camera placed in your face for the public to see you at your worst.  In this age of technology, it is not unheard of to wire homes, cars, and even people. Hell, if they have g.p.s. and tracking systems in pets; why is it not possible to do this to people. Don’t some believe in keeping their friends closer and enemies closer?

Now you are on display, reeling like a crazed lunatic, angry and downright hostile. Every good thing that you have done in your past is erased. It feels like you are fighting everyone.

The public sees an angry unlikeable person that must be guilty or seeking pity when this could never be so far from the truth. Besides they haven’t seen such an exciting well-orchestrated and entertaining performance. Since they are not affected they are not personally invested, they only wish to somehow obtain their fifteen minutes of fame by just being seen. Given half-truths, misinformation and flat out lies; the public takes turns assisting with this so-called payback.

Suddenly, everything that happened to them and more started to happen to you and yours.  I was at home ‘blind to the prelude’ when slowly one by one people began to make their disapproval of my existence known. Only by the grace of god working through someone, are you saved physically.

Saved? I am not so sure that is the right word to use. Was this so called ‘saving’ true or was it an elaborate form of torture or part of some sadistic game.

That group of thieves and their backers consisted of multiple races, cultures, etc…

Let’s say that when something happens to anyone it is not uncommon for their loved ones to become blood thirsty. What do you think people do when they can’t get the real person responsible for their pain? They find justification to get the one that feel is weak. What do the thieves do when they get caught? They find a patsy or scapegoat. They want to pass blame. How many people do you know that accept responsibility for their actions?

I know that this example is not detailed but the message will definitely be clear as I continue to tell my story regarding my experience with the music industry, family and my world. I refer to this as the ‘The Game’ because that’s what it is to some of them. Playing with people’s lives (literally) has become a sport to some. Dog eat dog world, where only the strong survive. The part that goes unspoken is that the game is fixed and the rules are constantly changed to protect the guilty.

It is humanly impossible for someone who has been poked, prodded, harassed and abused to be nice, sweet and social. That is why I say it is fixed. After many years of people telling you that they were paid to be your friend, it is not easy to go out and be overly friendly. I am decent to people who don’t break their necks to hurt. I even ignore the picture that some try to paint of me being all kinds of awful and still I treat people kind. That is until (after warning each at the onset of trouble) that you don’t want to try to play that smash game with me. I tried to tell the last group of co-workers that tried to gang up on me, this won’t end well.

Each time, I try to hold back from hurting feelings but you have to remember that I am good at defense because I have decades of experience. I, literally, begged them not to come at me with the games but one of them actually told me to ‘just die’.

They were nice at first and they were very interested. I called that record company regarding my songs and they went to being rude and playing on the phone. It was games. Anyone who wrote songs that was provided to the production company only to hear your lyrics and melody on the radio or in the studio; you would be pissed. I may not know all that transpired but I do know that something happened to some people. It was clear by the behavior and mistreatment that was thrust upon me.

The fact that I was encouraged to act due to what I was hearing. Someone with more clout blamed me for speaking up regarding my materials. What I do know is that more than one record company responded. Suddenly, it was not just a few songs but all my songs were cut up and redone using similar and/or same hooks. It was like being sent a message that we can do what we want to you. You should have just let them do what they wanted to do with your songs and ideas. It was a joint effort. Let’s just say the ‘powers that be’ gave their blessing on my torturous demise. Boy, did they show me a few tricks or two.

Almost every song that I had written was passed along for some type of payback or vendetta. For a songwriter to hear their melodies is like recognizing your child cries or your name being called repeated. It reminded me of the story that I had heard about a famous writing team. It was told that one of their girlfriends was actually writing the lyrics but was never given credit or monies. I was told that it wasn’t unheard of to emotionally abuse, reject and cause severe duress to influence suicidal actions. I was told that she killed herself. One can never imagine that pain of being used and discarded; then to top it off tortured and mocked.

If it weren’t for the viciousness of the people, it would be easy for me to believe that the stories told were all lies to distract or influence response that would cause a deadly reaction. I was thrown to the wolves and it was ‘okay’. It was nothing; I was nothing – a Ghost.

In addition, the music wasn’t the only thing used. I couldn’t watch a television program without the ridiculous similarities to my current household topics and concerns. I know I am super sensitive right now so maybe I am tripping (at least that’s what I told myself. There is no chance of this many similarities and topics over this period of time.

It shook me, I cannot lie. I was broken inside.

I trained my mind to keep moving, changing my thinking pattern, never focusing on anything for too long. I stopped listening to the radio for a long time. I changed my whole life in order to cope because I have no intention of giving them the satisfaction of my complete self-destruction.

Chapter 10: Emotions

What I do know for certain is that it seemed like my house was bugged. When faced with traumatic times, emotions take over and the first thing you do is look for understanding from your loved ones. First, you have this overpowering desire to want to be close or to be cared for. Humans reach out to others for support. Sharing is caring and all that jazz. Love never fails! Does Love not conquer all? Hell no, I beg to differ!

I refused to believe my eyes. Not after I spent all those years having their backs and being there for others. And of course, you believe that you are a good person. Isn’t that what you are supposed to do? I used to make reference to myself as being so sweet that I could bite myself. Apparently, I may have been mistaken because I had a loved one say ‘be careful you’re not as sweet as you think you are.’ I had to laugh and think to myself that maybe we all see ourselves as we would like to be.

Getting back to the good versus evil scenario, it is not my intent to portray myself as an angel but I am far from being the Devil.

I don’t deserve to be forced to live like I am less than human. I should have rights like everyone else. People should never be able to take that from any individual; especially no questions asked. Slavery is over.

I would like to describe a scene from a dream:

Imagine you are screaming to the top of your lungs in a crowded room. They see you and you see them but no matter how loud you scream and cry – no one responds. No one cares to even acknowledge your cries.

This is what my life is like. You know they can hear and see you, so what do you do? You become something else.

First, you do nothing but run and cry in terror for days. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months than years. But you keep going on because isn’t that the saying ‘Life goes on’. I have learned from personal experience that nothing fuels the human spirit more than emotions. I used to think that love made everything right. God is love and all. Life has shown me that love can move mountains; it has changed lives of the coldest and fiercest of us. Fear keeps some going strong. Fear of death can cause people to do all kinds of things in that moment.

Well I have experienced all emotions in depth and to the extreme fullness. I didn’t have a chance to do anything else. It wasn’t like I had anything else to do because when things got ugly – it was just me…Always.

As I allowed my emotions to flow, the one that fuel me was Anger. I know this is frowned upon. Loss of temper has ruined a many a life. It made me angry that I had allowed people to hurt me but at the same time it wasn’t like I was asked for it. It made me angry when I saw the combined effort of the masses to hurt, cripple and destroy.
Imagine being hurt, confused and having misleading people – all chanting for your demise. All of them, hoping to witness your pain and sorrow. They probably were selling front row seats to the event. Illegally wiretapping and watching your every move. Then you find out that your children are under siege as well. YOU WOULD BE ANGRY TOO!!

It was the unattended hurt feeling that turns to anger. It is the last and final emotion. It will not go away.

If you found yourself in similar situation, would you fold? Don’t give them losers the satisfaction! Now here I am feeling like that little girl again but I am a full grown woman and I’m not taking this crap from these godless animals. It wasn’t easy by no means, for many years I tried everything.  I tried to contact lawyers, organizations (all the ones with those capital letters), and the courts a couple times, politicians and even some prestigious people but to no avail. I couldn’t believe that I had become the perfect victim. I had nobody; no money, no family support, and all odds against me.

Once again, I was in that crowded room scenario screaming to the top of my lungs for help. I just wanted a chance to have a normal life with civil rights like others. But NO…that’s too much like right.

Chapter 11: The Dangling Carrot

While attending a meeting at the Kingdom Hall of JW’s; many years ago, I remember one speech where it was said that the Devil can read minds. The speaker admonished all to gird your loins, be careful what you allow your thoughts to dwell on. He added that the Devil will use your thoughts to trap and entice you to turn away from good. When you are a child, these opinions can either frighten or arouse curiosity.

Of course, you disregard this because this is simply unreal and impossible. Isn’t it? But what if you were evil, forced to live for centuries among beings you despised. Watching, waiting, and lurking. You would pretty much be able to predict behavior, influence attitudes, and lead most in any direction you.

Well, whether you believe in an evil being or force…this is how the world is run. There are forces that exist that will follow those same guidelines. THEY will not hesitate to use the powers and positions to continue their reign of terror. You will be victimized, ostracized and under duress but you can survive. The first step is to discredit you as a person, usually by using someone close to you. It will seem almost impossible to remain calm but you must. The moment you speak of what is happening, you will be met with extreme opposition. With the cooperation of anyone who can benefit, those who simply wish to participate, those seeking revenge, those seeking to judge. You will be lead to believe that you are responsible for all kinds of things. My mom was lead to believe that because she was pregnant with me, (her second child) that she lost out on her writing deal. She was a good writer and to this day has good ideas. Imagine blaming a child for losing a career. I got blamed for a lot. My tragedies were always minimized.

I am pretty sure that with support she could have become a pretty good writer.  That Dangling carrot has had a traumatic effect on her. She probably truly believed that not having me could have made the difference in her life.  Her children were the scapegoat and I can’t help but wonder if that is what made her bitter. I used to blame her for being so hard on me/us. Why was she nonresponsive when I told her that I was raped (repeatedly while young and once as an adult) but when Tyra told her what happened to her she was emotionally all-in?

I do not hate my mother but this is how I have always felt and I deserve to speak my mind. I have hurt for decades and can understand how hard it was dealing with life with five children. I know she was violated in pretty much the same way. I don’t think the technology was quite the same but violated still. I know that my father and my mother definitely have secrets that may be included in the reasons for my nightmarish life. I can’t help but wonder if his dangling carrot wasn’t some scheme which caught him up in his nightmare currently serving a Life Sentence for over 40 years now.

Periodically, I can feel the change in people’s behavior.  They just wreak of hate, condescending tones, very negative vibes. This is usually followed by my sons’ withdrawal, and my mother’s side of the family to pretend that they give a hoot by showing temporary interest. To have the kind of power to sway large groups of people and influence people’s behavior on such a large scale means that this ‘evil’ is almost ancient. The Bible says that the heart of man is bad all the time. For this kind of treatment to be ‘okay’- is ‘something seriously wicked this way comes’ and if I wasn’t crazed with hurt, anger, and rage after decades, I might give a hoot. I heard of stories where girlfriends were subjected to emotional abuse. Everyone can relate to the fact that personal strife and challenges can attribute to our behaviors and viewpoints. Pain makes us who we are. What I didn’t know is that an entertainment lawyer has their own groups and artist that they represent and the usually are connected to the ones that are already connected. What I wasn’t counting on is that they generally go with the highest bidder! You are nobody if you don’t have money or sleeping with the right people. I didn’t get that memo either (not that it would have made a difference in my case).

Copyrighted Registration Information

I have always secured my copyrights even while I was under a publishing agreement with Zomba and it was their responsibility.

Copyrights Listed below:
Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967- PAu001607112/ 1991-07-22 – Forever.
PAu001529149 / 1991-07-22 – It’s sinful.
PAu001529148 / 1991-07-22 – Once again.
PAu001720136 / 1993-01-07 Collection I–Tiwanda.
PAu001721382 / 1993-03-04 Collection II–Tiwanda.
PAu002025249 / 1995-04-14 Seven West Productions Collection IV–better safe than sorry.
PA0000789883 / 1996-01-16 What can I say to you (to justify my love)? Hi-Five greatest hits. Jive 01241-41544-2, c1994. Compact disc

Now my dangling carrot is the promise of my rights to privacy, justice and financial freedom. These are the things that I value and long for to help soften my heart again. The hope of having a real life without public ridicule, judgment and the threat of being set up for some horrific murder or the fear of being set up for some crime that would take away my freedom. These are tactics that are normally used to hide the truth. I wonder who or what stopped them from performing the usual tactics and tricks. Oh, that’s right they tried.

they tried.

While signed to Zomba, I always obtained copyrights on my materials, signed split sheets and even required contractual agreements with writers that worked with me. They never filed my copyrights as they were contracted to.

Certificates of Copyright Registration

1.      PAu001720136 / January 7, 1993     “Collection I-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967-   18 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES, 1 RAP, AND 2 POEMS

2.      PAu001721382 / March 4, 1993       “Collection II-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, NeNe  6 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES, 

I had filed the copyrights listed and they were processed just months prior to illegally obtained warrant was issued.

1.      PAu001720136 / January 7, 1993     “Collection I-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967-   18 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES, 1 RAP, AND 2 POEMS

Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game! The Lawsuits Case Summary of Events and Explanation of Exhibits explains in detail exactly how these songs were placed and used in Copyright Infringements.

I had filed the copyrights listed below and they were processed just months prior to illegally obtained warrant was issued.

2.      PAu001721382 / March 4, 1993       “Collection II-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, NeNe  6 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES,

Sneak Peek-INVISIBLE: Living in America without Rights 2013

I had filed the copyrights listed below and they were processed just months prior to illegally obtained warrant was issued.

1.      PAu001720136 / January 7, 1993     “Collection I-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967-   18 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES, 1 RAP, AND 2 POEMS

2.      PAu001721382 / March 4, 1993       “Collection II-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, Ne Ne
6 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES,

Although Lovelace was reporting to Michigan Probation AS DIRECTED by Courts, there were no efforts were made to contact and/or provide Notice of Hearing.

That small print on the warrant says:

 “The undersigned officer hereby certifies that a thorough and diligent search for the probationer listed in this warrant and affidavit has been made at but not limited to places of abode, known places of frequencies, and others and that his or her whereabouts are unknown and cannot be located…”

This is an outright lie because Michigan’s Inter-state Probation report clearly states that Lovelace was reporting. Lovelace’s address and contact information was on file. This warrant was signed May 19, 1993 expires July 31, 1997

Why did this police agency state that the warrants were valid in 2005 but unable to execute due to budgetary constraints but when I lived in Georgia 2003/2004 there were no efforts to arrest?

I believe the warrant was serving its purpose, to inflict damage, hinder and harm; which is exactly what having that warrant was intended to accomplish.

Per Michigan Inter-State Case Report dated 08-2-1993, Lovelace was reporting to their office. There were no efforts made to contact and/or provide notice of hearing. Lovelace was still reporting for (3) three full months afterwards, unaware that the warrant was issued on May 19, 1993. Lovelace was only told that she no longer was to report to Michigan Probation office and she was not made aware of the warrant until well after.

In all that time, I never mention the fact that my father was convicted of murdering a police officer. I did not want to think that people would hold that against me or be this sinister. I did not want to even go there besides I still had faith in the legal system.

After many years of attempting to resolve this issue by submitting written request for correction, I filed a lawsuit in Dekalb County Georgia against the Dekalb County Police and Dekalb County Probation Office due to an illegally obtained warrant for my arrest, modification of my record; which led to revocation of my First Offenders Act…without notice of hearing or opportunity for rebuttal since record shows that I was reporting as directed by courts.

I need to take you back to show how this was done.

On March 08, 1994, I shipped a DAT tape with songs to Cheryl and Dave Renzer, Zomba rep. Prior to submitting lyrical and musical works, I obtained copyrights under Seven West Productions – PAu002025249 / 1995-04-14 Collection IV-Better Safe than Sorry . See Below:

        Note: Paul Katz was sent a copy of letter regarding advance. I never knew he was affiliated with Zomba, prior to Paul Katz’s name was listed on check as signer. (I know I saw the name Katz listed as writer of Tales from the Crypt -The Black Pearl around the time my works were everywhere).

Proof of delivery / Express Mail receipts demonstrates correspondences:

On November 11, 1994, due to the inability to contact Richard Blackstone – Zomba, rep over the phone regarding remaining balance for contract; my husband (at that time) and I had decided that we would go to New York to speak with Blackstone – Zomba, rep in person. Upon our arrival, we did not receive the welcome we were expecting and although we received check, Blackstone – Zomba, rep was unavailable for both days to speak with us.

Once we returned to Michigan, we still received phone calls and correspondents that suggested that they were still interested in working with me and arranged for me to interact and work with their producers and other writers.  I was not ready to accept the possibility of any wrong doing. They encouraged more material by supplying music tracks so I would return and submit my lyrics/melodies.

November 1994 Copies of Express Mail label for songs sent to Kymberlee Thornton – Zomba:

**See– Producers and writers were on Zomba’s list of writers.

November 17, 1994 Copies of Express Mail label for songs sent to producer Ken Williams, Zomba referred:

**See– Producers and writers were on Zomba’s list of writers.
January 12, 1995 Copies of Express Mail label for songs sent to producer Kenny Hairston, Zomba referred me to:


**See– Producers and writers were on Zomba’s list of writers – Trevor Gale.

November 14, 1994 Copies of Express Mail label for songs sent to Zomba:

November 14, 1994 Copies of Express Mail label for songs sent to producer Zomba referred:

**See– Producers and writers were on Zomba’s list of writers.

November 17, 1994 Copies of Express Mail label for songs sent to producer Ken Williams, Zomba referred:

**See– Producers and writers were on Zomba’s list of writers.
January 12, 1995 Copies of Express Mail label for songs sent to producer Kenny Hairston, Zomba referred me to:

**See– Producers and writers were on Zomba’s list of writers.
February 10, 1995 Copies of Express Mail label for songs sent to Zomba representatives/producer:

 **See– Producers and writers were on Zomba’s list of writers – Trevor Gale.

I sent materials and correspondents to Kimberlee Thornton, Zomba representative. I submitted multiple works that included; lyrics, melodies, and hooks that were discussed in detail over the phone. After many phone calls that expressed satisfaction with works; suddenly, all the positive words of encouragement and then the games really began when compliments turned to insults.

Letter sent to Zomba/Jive regarding Betrayal

February 23, 1995 Letter I sent to Zomba regarding blatant betrayal:

            First, I addressed her. After she expressed satisfaction with works; suddenly, all the    positive words of encouragement and compliments turned to insults. It was smash and grab…

Then I addressed Richard Blackstone…

Then I addressed Dave Renzer…

Letter sent to Zomba/Jive regarding Warner Chapel Deal

Less than a month later, on March 23, 1995 Handwritten Letter sent to Zomba – Re-typed:

Zomba
137-139 W. 25th Street
New York, NY 10001

Attn: R. B – Zomba, rep,
It has been brought to my attention that an artist by the name of Desire (real name Monique), with the help of Michael Powell, Art & Rhythm’s – Larry Roc Campbell, Paul D. Allen, and Larry Hatcher has received a 6 album deal with Warner Chapel label releasing single in May 1995.

{Now how would I have a clue if someone didn’t tell me and give me specific’s. This is the same public that runs around breaking their necks to hurt. I was definitely out of the loop but the source seemed reliable and I did supply a lot of material to all parties included.}

I bring this to your attention because I heard personally and have others confirm blatant similarities to my work and have been derived in full and/or in part from my copies submitted to Paul D. Allen. of M. Powell’s – Vanguard Studio, Larry Hatcher of Hatcher Hits, Larry Roc Campbell of Art & Rhythm and David R – Zomba, rep .I worked consistent with all parties listed for a period of time. I have split sheet for “Baby Stay With Me” and I heard this finished by her.

I would like for this situation to be taken seriously. In addition, I would like a copy of a detailed Royalty statement for Hi Five’s song, “What can I say to you to justify my love” and a copy of (signed) split sheet for my records.

As a whole, they have collected 30 or more songs from me and they are all on this same project.
Larry Roc Campbell laughed and told me that he received money when I signed with Zomba. How is this possible?

I certainly hope that you will handle my administration of copies of materials that were sent to David R – Zomba, rep; Cherry, Drew D – Zomba, rep, and Kymberlee Thornton – Zomba, rep.
Paul D. Allen received a copy and signed split sheets with me. I also have copyrights for the materials:

1. Why can’t I?
2. Baby stay with me
3. Is the sex still good
4. Casual Love
5. With your love

Larry Hatcher received more than 14 songs. Larry Roc Campbell received more than 20 songs.

Of course, Zomba received copies of all copy-written materials, see list enclosed.

Completed Split sheets for musical works submitted to Zomba.

I completed split sheets on shared works and I required signed agreements for those who chose to work on projects with me.  I was able to secure four or five exclusive writers under my Production Company, Seven West.


Zomba’s Single Song Writer’s Split sheet signed by Paul D. Allen of Vanguard Studios and Tiwanda Lovelace on February 14, 1994 for song title, ‘Casual Love.’ 
I submitted all signed sheets to Zomba

Zomba’s Single Song Writer’s Split sheet signed by Ethan J. Pitts, Maurice McToy and Tiwanda Lovelace on September 13, 1994 for song title, ‘Just a Little Bit More.’ 
I submitted all signed sheets to Zomba

Zomba’s Single Song Writer’s Split sheet signed by Paul D. Allen of Vanguard Studios and Tiwanda Lovelace on March 7, 1994 for song title, ‘With Your Love.’ 
I submitted all signed sheets to Zomba
Zomba’s Single Song Writer’s Split sheet signed by Paul D. Allen of Vanguard Studios and Tiwanda Lovelace on March 8, 1994 for song title, ‘I Need You Here.’ 
I submitted all signed sheets to Zomba

Zomba’s Single Song Writer’s Split sheet signed by Darrell Campbell and Tiwanda Lovelace on March 8, 1994 for song title, ‘I Need Love/Thirsty’ 
I submitted all signed sheets to Zomba

Zomba’s Single Song Writer’s Split sheet signed by Ethan J. Pitts, Maurice McToy and Tiwanda Lovelace on September 13, 1994 for song title, ‘Soon Reality Fades.’ 
I submitted all signed sheets to Zomba

I also had five other writers signed to Seven West Productions, I submitted copies of contracts to Zomba.

Chapter 12: Coping methods

The music industry has some complex rules regarding how things are done with regards to how money is distributed. If you work for any particular label or company, your loyalties are supposed to lie with that company. Back then the labels were structured into five major labels. Even though people are shuffled amongst the different companies, again, their loyalties were supposed to remain unscathed.

When I had my first encounter with writing lyrics, I was living in my home town – Detroit, Michigan. I wrote for Lee Marcus and Jake Salazar. Lee was connected with the police department. That was definitely my song lyrics and melody used on that sitcom prior to Zomba contract.

I had refused to sign with other production companies because either they offered no money or they didn’t seem to have my best interest in mind. I was encouraged by Detroit attorneys to sign with Zomba. Then after painstaking months of hard work and submitting multiple lyrics and melodies, I was subjected to harassment. I stepped up for credit and monies for my works and I kept pushing; while Detroit groups were trying to sabotage.

Remember, Lee told me of that story of the girl who was robbed of her lyrical credits then forced to commit suicide. In addition, he was associated to the police who never had any good intentions for me because of family’s history.

So here I am, all by myself, stuck listening to all my works on the radio, fighting for what should be mine. Clueless to what was going on around me.

Lee’s group wasn’t happy, Larry was in the Hi-Five’s video of the song that was used to present the contract but he didn’t look happy. As I look back the plan was for Lee’s group to use me for lyrics, make money and then drive me mad. Jake Salazar was a co-founder of the Tempo Music Group. A coalition of independent record companies owned by veteran industry professionals and celebrities such as Anita Baker/Michael Powell, Sylvia Moy, Martha Reeves, Isaiah Thomas, Thomas Hearns, John Salley, Lee Marcus, and Leonard Jones among other prominent business colleagues. They all knew each other and they all were influential in Detroit.

Getting back to the rules…It turns out that some of the people that I had worked with locally were not supposed to or were in conflict with the plans. It felt like a game was being played within a game and not all the higher ups were in the know. I am sure that this type of thing is not uncommon but this had some extra mess added.

I say this because someone got spanked hard for breaking rules. I was led to believe that members in Powell’s group was snaking and taking works. I was told that my information led to this conclusion. I only provided my record(s) of contacts and records showed more than one was involved. I can only imagine all the fighting that was going on behind the scenes; from the peoples mistreatment of me I could only assume the worst. Apparently, I was blamed for the repercussions he faced; there was some talk of camp/snakes.

Front Men–Hankerson, Powell, political connections

A secret campaign was launched based on lies to destroy in an attempt to cover their asses. The victims, their friends and family of all this carnage have been messing me over, my child and now my grandchild like it’s my fault. While everyone turns a blind eye and pretends like it is accepted.

That fact is that his people weren’t alone in this but these perpetrators definitely should not have ‘sicked’ all these people on me. I guess if I didn’t know better, I would have thrown me under the bus rather than face others. Zomba’s representatives had access to some of these works as well. In my opinion, it was their responsibility to administer but they chose to take as well and ignore.

I recall specifically calling Zomba regarding my works and someone answered the phone, placed me on hold, then someone answered the line stating that Zomba is number one. They were celebrating while keeping me down and waiting. So when I say that they were responsible, legally they are. That statute of limitations doesn’t apply when there is obstruction of justice and civil rights violations so I am not worried. I will have my day.

Why do you think that I would be crazy enough to go into detail? I have served twenty plus years for a crime that I didn’t commit. I have been left to die, facing closed doors, harassment and constant ridicule. Carrying the weight of all this mess and I will not do it anymore. I was unaware at the time that there was some kind of quiet war over money/works/violence. Detroit versus New York over cut throat activity.  Spilled over coasts…

When people say that money brings problems, they are not lying. I always avoided that subject but as of 2013 I am so over all this bull. I am nobodies sacrificial lamb (hell, I am not even sheep-like). After many years of being kept in the dark for many years, I was able to fully research Zomba/Jive and the music industry in general; I found a lot of informative information that I had previously neglected to include due to not having access to the internet…

I recently found out that Barry Hankerson- Detroit Michigan Politician, Entertainment lawyer, TV Producer & music mogul-GA, CA, NY, (worldwide) major supporter for Obama’s administration. Hankerson, CEO/ Founder of Blackground Records were once married to Gladys Knight. Hankerson managed Aaliyah, Toni Braxton, R. Kelly and The Winans. He is/was executive producer for other major artist; such as Quincy Jones, Michael J. Powell, etc…

[1] Barry has been a strong supporter of Barrack Obama, contributing heavily to both campaigns and producing a movie on him in 2012 titled The Obama Effect for the newly launched Blackground Pictures. After Hankerson signed a distribution deal with Jive Records, he signed Aaliyah to his Blackground Records label at the age of 12. Hankerson later introduced her to recording artist and producer R. Kelly, who became Aaliyah’s mentor, as well as lead songwriter and producer of the album, which was recorded when she was 14 (debuted album, “Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number.”) [1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_Hankerson

Her song titles, “We Need a Resolution”, “Try Again,” seemed to reflect her social awareness as if to send uplifting positive messages to her public. I can’t help but wonder what she was witness to while under contract with Jive records because this was around the time that I was working under Zomba contract. The same timeframe when there were widespread conflicts in the industry.

In 1996, Aaliyah left Jive Records and signed with Atlantic Records. Aaliyah attended the Detroit High School for the Performing Arts and had finished her first major movie role, “Romeo Must Die.” She was working on her second film, “Queen of the Damned.” I loved Aaliyah like a sister. Aaliyah was a superstar and was not letting nothing stop her from the legendary status she so deserved.

On August 25, 2001, at 6:45 pm (EST), Aaliyah and various members of the record company boarded a twin-engine Cessna 402B (registration N8097W) at the Marsh Harbour Airport in Abaco Islands. After they completed filming the music video for the single “Rock the Boat”, last minute changes to their itinerary were made. The aircraft was over its maximum takeoff weight by 700 pounds which led to the deaths of our Princess Aaliyah and eight others. The words, “substantially exceeded” was used by FAA along with the fact that the day of the crash was Morales’ first official day with Blackhawk International Airways; says it all – Criminal.

[1] In other News: In 2004 Hankerson struck up a relationship with Kyme Dang who later sued him for harassment and ended up winning a settlement of over $3,300,000. Dang was also followed by a private detective in early 2007 and someone actually blew up her car this time in San Diego. “(Hankerson) He was harassing her from all angles, by buying the business where she worked, then firing her and taking away her livelihood, there were harassing phone calls, there was evidence he was connected to the car fire and the defamatory internet postings,” says Sunkin.
[1] http://www.lawyersandsettlements.com/articles/harassment/interview-sexual-harassment-in-workplace-hostile-16502.html?utm_expid=36075220&utm_referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FBarry_Hankerson#.UUc4YBzvu2o

Let’s reflect on Toni Braxton’s convenient financial turmoil’s while following his mentorship – disastrous. Her only words were to the effect of ‘Thank you, I am free from Barry Hankerson…’

All the acts that Hankerson was accused of and convicted of are similar to the harassments that I have been forced to endure. Just like Dang, I was harassed from all angles, every job taken from me by using different tactics, and taking away my livelihood (I was even refused public assistance and housing).

There is talk of defamatory internet postings of me having intercourse with my at the time boyfriend where I am commonly referred to willfully being in a porn video. I am commonly subjected to being called Linda Lovelace. I have been ostracized from the community and it’s been once in (4) four years since any intimate activity due to that last time I was sent to the hospital. I have never given permission for any filming or video surveillances and just because I am good at it doesn’t mean that it’s for everybody.

In addition, I recently financed a vehicle that was leaking gas but I addressed it immediately. I didn’t notice the fumes at first, due to the car’s gas tank was empty until I requested that they fill the tank. Was this a coincidence? Probably – not. The one individual that seems to be connected to EVERY person throughout this nightmare is Hankerson. I don’t know who he answers to but this definitely is pointing in their direction. He is directly connected to Detroit Michigan (where ‘my situation’ began), a politician, an entertainment attorney, financial supporter of politicians with direct ties to Michael J. Powell, the other Powell’s, and Paul D. Allen which were connected to Vanguard Studies mentioned in Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game! These were just a few of the people that were involved with my allegations of copyright infringements and civil rights violations. Those were definitely members of Powell’s group so I followed the people since I was unable to follow the money but I should have continued moving up the list to the top. Though the deal seemed to be solid, Zomba sold the company to BMG in 1995.

Jake Salazar was a co-founder of the Tempo Music Group. A coalition of independent record companies owned by veteran industry professionals and celebrities such as Anita Baker/Michael Powell, Sylvia Moy, Martha Reeves, Isaiah Thomas, Thomas Hearns, John Salley, Lee Marcus, and Leonard Jones among other prominent business colleagues.

I cannot believe that I am accused of betrayal when all of these prominent individual’s sole purpose was to betray me from the very beginning.

In mid-2003, BMG integrated Zomba’s publishing to form BMG-Zomba Music Publishers.  In 2007, Vivendi purchased the BMG-Zomba publishing company and placed it within Universal Music Publishing Group, becoming the world’s largest music publishing business. These songs were played on the radio by major artist signed to BMG, EMI; throughout the years starting after Zomba music publishing contract.

On May 20, 1996, I filed a lawsuit against BMI, Zomba and Jive because of their lack of response to my request as to how BMG, MCA, EMI, WEA, Polygram and Jive have released songs which blatantly infringe upon my copyrights. I sent these lyrics to Zomba. Hankerson was directly connected to Jive/Zomba with his distribution deal with Blackground. Being a music mogul and movie producer with connections to other major labels worldwide, he would definitely be able to orchestrate or assist with all that has transpired involving radio and television. I say follow the money and it would be clear. There is no justification for public display.

Both, Barry Hankerson and Jomo Hankerson were listed as defendants in [2]lawsuit; wherein, a music producer claims in court that Blackground Records owes him hundreds of thousands of dollars in royalties for his work. From 2003 to 2011, plaintiff advised he received no income statements from Blackground Records, LLC, Barry Hankerson or Jomo Hankerson for royalty income received from EMI. In Courthouse News Service – Wednesday, February 27, 2013 – Walker states, “In 2012, the Internal Revenue Service notified plaintiff that he owed taxes on approximately $262,580.00 income, which had been reported as 1099 income from 2004 to 2011.”

[2] http://www.courthousenews.com/2013/02/27/55234.htm
How is anyone allowed to continue this type of behavior? Surely, this is not the first time that his name has been mentioned being connected to similar activities. Again, follow the money…
In order to be able to continue violating someone’s rights publicly for decades without justification acknowledgement or notification, this would have to be administered by, financed and fully supported by ‘The System.’

Politicians and their financial backers are able to manipulate governmental agencies; influence the court systems in multiple states. It would definitely explain why there were people saying ‘they are going to lock her up’ and ‘let me know when the police come to lock her up.’ There is a video on YouTube called “dropdeadsavannah and nicloee talking about Tiwanda”- it is jumbled and all over the place but clearly refers Tiwanda being locked up.

The garbage truck outside my window reminds me of living in Detroit, Michigan. I could never understand why it was necessary but on garbage day every home on my street’s garbage was picked up except the trash in front of my rented house. Who controls garbage collectors? It’s funny when I think back to my angrier days and how I would run behind them cursing them out. Combined with other random repeated acts/conversations, my cries being ignored and abuse that can only be described as retaliatory acts; this cannot be coincidence.

Again, Barry has been a strong supporter of Barrack Obama, contributing heavily to both campaigns and producing a movie on him in 2012 titled The Obama Effect for the newly launched Blackground Pictures.  In addition to serving in public office, Obama worked as a civil rights attorney in Chicago and taught constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School from 1992 to 2004. So imagine my surprise when I realized that although he is of same persuasion; he too, seemingly accepts previous administrations dehumanizing standpoints because it’s his second term and I am still fighting to obtain justice.

I was happy when I heard the news just like every African American but I didn’t forget my Swahili name was not Princess. I hoped for freedom; however, I didn’t forget that my so-called ‘people’ had scarified me. I was heart-broken when after a second term, I was not given any acknowledgment and my cries were still ignored. What the hell can you say to someone after twenty years of torture? What can you possibly say after you dump on them and leave? Why would you take my life and then let me live? For the advancement of others or revenge…wrong move!

Everyone can pretend that this was some kind of game but I definitely know better!!!When I was running around ‘giving a hoot’, I was kicked in the face repeatedly. I didn’t just jump up say, ‘I want to fight the system’…I waited, hoped, prayed and even tried to walk away for decades! I am not running around the world no more either, I have been to 4-5 states and out of the country. I still don’t have all the answers but I will NEVER stop raising hell until this wrong is righted.

IT’S NOT OKAY!!! 

Governmental, Local Agencies and Groups contacted:

It is not important to me the ‘who’ however, it is very important to explain that I have made every effort to try to correct this injustice. Understanding the complexity of this world and its court system, I reached out to many for assistance by providing supporting documentation and requested intervention from the beginning.

See list below:

Lovelace vs. Zomba
List of Attorneys, Organizations, and Agencies

DHL airway                Recipient Info. / Delivery date and signature of agent Bill no.

772707017012            Karen Bragg/ Ticket Master /c/o Goldstein,
                                    3701 Wilshire, 7th Fl., Los Angeles CA 90010
                                    Delivered – 03/06/1996, at 11:37 am, signed by Decker

77277017001              Attorney General, Dept. of Law, Consumer Fraud
                                    120 Broadway, 3rd Fl., New York, NY 10271
                                    Delivered – 03/08/1996, at 10:55 am, signed by Williams

7930401651                Volunteer Lawyers of the Arts/ Robert Libcke,
                                    1212 Griswold, Detroit MI 48226
                                    Delivery – 03/11/1996, 11:23 am, signed by Matthews

77277017701              Freeman Hawkins / Roger Goode, 4000 Sun Trust Plaza,
                                    303 Peachtree St., Atlanta GA 30308
                                    Delivered – 03/13/1996, at 10:59 am, signed by Johnson

8142801144                The Honorable Judge Linda Warren-Hunter,
                                  565 N. McDonna St., Decatur, GA. 30032
                                  Delivery- 03/18/1996, at 12:57pm, signed by Vortice

8184537104                Attorney Grievance Commission / Philip Thomas / A. Kuhne
                                    Suite 256, Marquette Bldg., 243 West Congress Detroit MI 48226-3259
                                    Delivery-03/26/1996, at 10:57am, signed by Buchanan

8184537093                Attorney Grievance Commission / W. Neeley / J. Barney
                                    Suite 256, Marquette Bldg., 243 West Congress Detroit MI 48226-3259
                                    Delivered-03/26/1996, at 10:57am, signed by Buchanan

8184969726                Attorney Grievance Commission / W. Neeley / J. Barney
                                    Suite 256, Marquette Bldg., 243 West Congress Detroit MI 48226-3259
                                    Delivered-03/29/1996, at 10:22am, signed by Buchanan

Lovelace vs. Zomba
List of Attorneys, Organizations, and Agencies (cont.)
DHL airway                Recipient Info. / Delivery date and signature of agent Bill no.

8184969962                Business Volunteers of the Arts, Robert Libcke
                                    1212 Griswold, Detroit MI 48226
                                    Delivered – 03/29/1996, at 9:47am, signed by Matthews

8184969951                Better Business Bureau, 257 Park Ave., South New York NY 10010
                                 Delivered-04/02/1996, at 10:15am, signed by Ojeda

8184969741                Attorney Grievance Commission / Howard Hertz
                                    Suite 256, Marquette Bldg., 243 West Congress Detroit MI 48226
                                    Delivered-04/04/1996, at 10:47am, signed by Buchanan

9271866590                Ken Burrows, 425 Park Ave., 26 Floor New York NY 10022
                                    Delivered-02/19/1996, at 8:56am, signed by E. Addy

9271866586                Don Wilson, 4929 Wilshire Blvd., #1010 Los Angeles, CA 90010
                                    Delivery-02/20/1996, at 9:26am, signed by S. Girad

                        5219002596 – Don Wilson returned package 03/11/1996

8865881905                Karen Bragg c/o Goldstein, 3701 Wilshire Blvd., 7th Fl.
                                 Los Angeles, CA 90010
                                 Delivered – 02/22/1996, at 10:09am, signed by K. Eubanks

8865881883                Zomba / Deborah Keegan, 137-139 West 25th St. New York NY 10001
                                    Delivered- 02/22/1996, at 11:08am, signed by W. Corian

8865881894                Attorney Grievance Commission, Suite 256, Marquette Bldg.,
                                 243 West Congress, Detroit MI 48226
                                 Delivery-02/26/1996, at 9:56, signed by D. Smith

8681158172                Federal Trade Commission, Division of Marketing, Rm. 238
                                    6th St & Pennsylvania Ave., NW. Washington D.C. 20580
                                    Delivery-03/04/1996, at 2:39pm, signed by I. Hudgins

                 9736039725 – Federal Trade Commission / Delores Johnson,
                                      Package returned 03/13/1996

9649642623                The Honorable Janet Reno, Department of Justice,
                                    Tenth & Constitution Ave., N.W., Rm. 4400 Washington D.C. 20530
                                    Delivered-03/13/1996, at 12:46pm, signed by B. Breitspr

9291390780                Prosecutors Office, 1441 St. Antoine Ste. 1200, Detroit MI 48228
                                    Delivery-03/26/1996, at 11:46am, signed by S. Johnson

814280     Attorney Grievance Commission / J. Barney, Suite 256, Marquette 243 West Congress, Detroit MI 48226
                                    Delivered-04/09/1996, at 10:19am, signed by Buchanan

8142801166                Department of Justice, Anti-Trust Division, Jacob K. Javitts Federal Bldg.,
                                    26 Federal Plaza, Rm. 3630, New York NY 10278
                                    Delivered-04/09/1996, at 10:03am, signed by O’Donnell

8142801155                Better Business Bureau-New York / Mediation Division,
                                    257 Park Ave., S., New York NY 10010
                                    Delivered-04/09/1996, at 9:01am, signed by Ojeda

8184537082                Freeman, Hawkins / Roger Goode, 4000 Sun Trust Plaza
                                    303 Peachtree St., Atlanta GA. 30308
                                    Delivered-04/15/1996, at 10:36am, signed by Johnson

8184969796                Butzel Long / Michael Poterala,
                         150 West Jefferson, Suite 900, Detroit MI 48226
                         Delivered-04/23/1996, at 10:46am, signed by Burks

**This is one long list that consist of very prominent attorney’s, groups and organizations. **

I can understand why it is so important for this information to remain hidden. If this was to be released, it would reflect poorly on each entity. It is probably because these are the same entities that are supposed to uphold and protect the rights of the people; yet, they were unwilling to enforce the laws.

Defensive Mode

So I turned inward and did some serious soul searching; which I deem is the human reaction – what could I have possibly done to be treated in this manner. For years, I lived in different cities – Detroit, Michigan, Taylor, Michigan, Atlanta, Georgia, Houston, Texas and Las Vegas, Nevada. With each move or attempt to start anew; I was looking for some kind of decency, consideration, and hope. I was consistently reacting to my mistreatment with anger and rage. I practiced being mean-spirited to the point where it became my favorite pastime. I intentionally tried to become a reflection of what I was seeing. I had nothing but time and more time to think about all my endeavors.

I was once, wife, mother, and lyricist. As I looked back on my life, I couldn’t help but hear the snakes as they slithered by with comments combined with glares and hissing. The masses made sure I could feel their contempt. I had to fight for every piece of scrap from welfare, housing, and even the simple necessities. With time I became very good at backing fools off me. I, too, learned how to cut deep into their souls. Eventually, I could see straight through them. With a glance I could see what their weaknesses were and how to bring them to tears. I really did not enjoy tearing them down but it helped back them up. It is funny that most people cannot take being put in a negative light and are usually fragile regarding something. Sometimes, I don’t know how I know but I know. I guess we all have our gifts.

This was well orchestrated and supported by those in positions of power. Tracking their victim (me) to ensure the truth never comes to light. What they didn’t know is that just like that dragon…I will unleash the truth like a fire breathing dragon. I will burn your houses down. It didn’t have to come to this. How did I get here? Why am I supposed to be considered the ‘Crazy One’? In my professional opinion, everyone else is crazy but they happen to be in a position to hide it better. They can. You don’t walk in my shoes and didn’t get front row seats like I have had the misfortune of having.  I am a very intelligent person but just like everyone else, we don’t always follow our minds; instead I chose to follow my heart, soul and sometimes I listen to my intuition.  The results may not have been desirable in some instances but I am here. Real or imagined, when a person has no way to contradict or know for certain it is up to that person what they choose to perceive as Truth or Fact. Our choices don’t always have rhyme or reason but what is important is whether they feel right to that individual.

Most people have some kind of structure or support base when it comes to making life altering decisions. Guidance is a key element to survival. It irritates me when people take all the credit for the good things in the life. Trust me; they had help, support and some kind of assistance. Nobody just evolves into the person that they are. It usually involves others input whether directly or indirectly. Even the strongest, richest or independent person takes into consideration the big picture. Hell, even the simplest decisions require some forethought. The first thing you do in the morning is consult the weather person before planning a trip. Life, to me is the same way.

Especially when you are young and really don’t know. I used to take polls just to obtain others viewpoints. Dang! ‘Can I at least be pointed in the right direction?’ is what I was thinking when I was just trying to live. Any opportunity I would get to listen to my elders, I would but that didn’t mean I was going to do what someone else wanted. Most of the time, I did ONLY what I wanted to do. One of the most important things I learned from my elders is the first and foremost – YOU MUST FORGIVE YOURSELF, THEN LET GO and LET GOD!!

This philosophy has carried me through and will continue to carry me in the next lifetime. It sounds easy but it is not as easy as it sounds but once you learn the power of forgiveness by first applying it to yourself you can free your mind and soul to enable you to accomplish anything you choose. I compare it to asking for directions, when you pull to the side of the road and ask whoever for assistance. You don’t necessarily take those on faith and eventually as you get closer to your destination. You will ask someone else just to be sure or at least I do.  I guess it is my trust issues showing through. As I attach copies of my journals inserts’, it will be clear as to why.

Chapter 13: Forgive, Never Forget

God says to forgive but nowhere does he say let them get away with it or let them keep doing bad to you. If this was the case, I would not be here and since writing is my god given gift; I can’t help but think that I should use it. He took away my fear and gave me the strength to do what I have to do.

I have always been forgiving in nature prior to this life. I would make excuses for others but I have stopped due to I cannot afford to miss a beat these days. One mistake could be the end of me so I stay with my feelings guarded – not letting anyone get to close. I adopted the philosophy of one of my older friend, ‘I never met anybody that I couldn’t live without.’ This helped for a while to convince me to screen more carefully.

One of the things that I have learned along the way is that no one is perfect. I have found that although I am far from even being close to perfect, the key for me is Respect. If I don’t respect someone, then I truly don’t care what they think. Often, people strive for acceptance; however, if you don’t respect what it is that the group represents then why would you want to belong.

 It’s not that I have any choice but standing alone gives you peace of mind, prevents guilty conscience and regret. It is as simple as that popular phrase that keeps most associates sociable, ‘Agree to disagree’. People should recognize and respect others choices in life.
The only way people can hurt your feelings is when you care for them. You have to view them as human beings. Most behave like cruel, judgmental monsters making it easy to disregard them. So you can run out in the middle of the street buck naked with a sign on your back and I wouldn’t pay you any attention.

Besides, if I could violate your privacy I am sure that I would find a lot of questionable, unattractive, and downright scary stuff going on in your bathrooms and bedrooms. So don’t pretend like your stuff doesn’t smell.

Learning to be civil and remain somewhat social really helps to keep you grounded. This will be extremely difficult at first, especially, when facing people daily who may change abruptly in their dealings with you. You will notice one minute, everyone (including friends and family) will behave like you are the worst thing in the world. Sometimes people act like the sweetest person they can be. Everything is perfect. Then without provocation, they attack on queue as if they are getting paid to cause distress and anxiety. Everything that you say and do will be magnified to the tenth power and twisted into something heinous. You will have so many people that will try to disrupt your life with mistreatment, angry stares and comments just because they want to blame you for being some mastermind criminal.

Remember; reflect them as if they don’t matter. Keep on maintaining your positivity without showing your disgust. Basically, give them a fake smile and keep on moving.
Just like one song says, ‘Hater men marry hater women and have hater kids.’ These words are so true.

Chapter 14: Betrayal

You might ask what would make someone just completely alienate themselves from family; physically and emotionally.

 Well, at first, it was an instant reaction when I first realize that my loved ones were willing participants in causing emotional distress. Especially when you feel like all odds are against you.

 It’s bad enough when you have to deal with strangers breaking there neck to cause your demise or to see you fail. Family is supposed to be there for support and not help those who wish to see you fail.  I tried forgiveness and to be honest I don’t feel anything but disgust at this point. Each time I tried to put the past behind me it never fails, here comes the games.

I don’t know why they would think that decade after decade that I would continue to give a care. I have watched the fakeness, the games and the lies to vilify me and my actions. I have had to live with the constant threats for so long that I don’t even care about the dangling carrot.

I am writing this journal for my sanity and for my benefit. I must never become complacent or forget this tragedy. I still have to live like this but I don’t have to like it. I can’t stop this nightmare and obviously no one gives a dang about my human and civil rights. I have to watch my love ones sell me out for their own asses. Everybody in my family pretends to have no clue and is quick to minimize my pain. It’s not them that have to deal with this mess.

They support each other to the fullest but say to me when I have my moments of sadness, “Are you still on that old stuff?” That old stuff has left me devastated. Obviously, those that were also affected by that ‘old stuff’ won’t let it go either.

People have stated that what was done to me was wrong but the next minute they are stabbing me in the face. Resentment is not just a word for me; every time they have needed me, I have been there. I have let my relatives stay with me on several occasions but when it comes time to help, they mess me over.

 When I don’t like someone, I don’t deal with them. It is inhumane to pretend to befriend only to sabotage and ridicule. I spent years writing and working with those local music producers and for him to just say that it is okay to just let them take my songs, (my babies) and say forget me was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Everyone was treating me like I had committed an unforgivable sin.

Whatever was going on was not just in my mind, it was real and it wasn’t just going to let me alone. I had strangers, friends and family playing mind games and threatening me indirectly. My house shot up with my children in it and a whole lot of other tragedies going on at once and I
was all alone. Feeling unsafe, it was no surprise that I slept many months in Detroit with a twenty Gauge shot gun next to me.

People imply that it was all in my mind but what you don’t understand is that (real or imagined) those stories that I heard were terrifying. When you keep hearing horror stories plus people everywhere you go treat you like you have leprosy, something is definitely going on.

My father was never a part of my daily life due to his life sentence but my mom made it very clear that she hated him. So apart from visiting him maybe twice as a child, I didn’t get a chance to know much about him except for the occasional letters. I stopped writing for a long time until I asked myself what are the odds that I could end up married to a relative of the chief of police in Detroit with a father that is doing life for allegedly killing an officer.

When you find yourself lost the first thing you do is trace your steps. I allowed strangers, friends, and family to plant the seeds that sent me spiraling into hell. I see why people would compare the game of chess to life; I see pawns, rooks, knights, kings and queens being moved. Powerless and surrounded since birth, I guess I never had a chance. I have always been a good lyricist but I know that what was being done to me was intended to hurt. I heard the stories about people in the music business that were used then discarded had committed suicide. It seems to be some common wicked game initiated many decades ago with power and money being its sole motivator. At first, I believed this trial was equivalent to some kind of initiation or hazing but that idea was short lived. I heard stories of men who were offered deals if they would sleep with another man even when they weren’t gay.

Spending many years trying to figure out the ‘What, Why, How and When’ with regards to my life, it is clear that this was definitely planned. A plan implemented to ensure nothing positive. It was never meant for me to do anything but be abused for the pleasure of the masses.

I must take you back to the earlier scenario where some people came to your door, kicked it in and beat up everyone in your home, took everything from you, what would you do? Then after that, these same people tortured you then made you extremely pissed and then put you on public display. These same people vilify you and constantly use your loved ones to hurt, betray and set you up to be discredited. What would you do?

My mother made it clear that life was not going to be easy by no means but I never looked at the world as if I would have to pay for my parent’s sin but that was how it seemed.

Thinking to myself, I was trying to work out this puzzle that was now my life. I started to reflect on people that I had dealings with immediately prior to what I referred to as ‘my situation.’

First, Curtis, my husband never cared really just wanted to be paid. At our break up, he asked, ‘what do I get out of this?’ My mother and he used to make a habit of asking for money through me as if attempting to communicate with someone else. They certainly were not asking me because I was never allowed to have anything. Curtis was not scared of police but was scared of something or someone. He was scared for him and me in a physical way towards the end. I am certain that he was not associated with any groups. He was always about getting money. I used to joke that he would sell his mother for money but as I look back maybe he wasn’t the only one.

My husband, in my opinion gave or sold me to Larry. Maybe there was some kind of arrangement between them too but I resented it. Larry did not know how to get my attention physically or how to control me. All he had to do was be there and be a friend; with time I would have forgiven him and relaxed. Larry spoke of me moving with him to California but I was not leaving my kids AND people were telling me and hinting at his character (other girls/women subjected.) That’s when I backed up because I did not know what to believe; besides he kept leaving me without explanation.

I liked him but I was never down with the ‘pimpin’ and hoe game/drugs/getting killed and all the things that would’ve interfered with living. He definitely had the ladies and all his friends seemed to love him. I don’t care how he huffed, puffed and threatened; that crazy man cared and that was a show for you. At least until what probably followed. Hurt and lost, there was Roc working his charm, all gentlemanly.

Complaining about home, looking unhappy and I may have wanted or just wanted to believe I could have had something. Once in the studio, I was in the room by myself while he was recording – I just broke down crying in the other room after he refused my affections.

So during my ordeal, I took a break from the madness and was listening to Mary J & method. I just let myself go and danced my little heart out. I was hopeful then and easily influenced at the thoughts of love so when I heard what I thought was his voice over the radio saying that he loved me – (followed by rustling and thumping) I had assumed it was real. Then nothing but taunting, teasing and mocking continued for some time. So I hardened but I kept going.

Sometime before or after, my husband and I separated. I didn’t hear a peep out of Roc and I was afraid that the rumors were true. There was great effort in pretending that he was dead and that somehow it was my fault. I found out twenty years later that he was not only alive but was promoted to A&R at Zomba.

Larry called insinuating that I had messed up by not trusting him and wanted me to meet him at a hotel. I was alone and abandoned. Lost and wanting to get the hell out of there, I went but them my pride and fear kicked in and so I left because even in my desperation I couldn’t accept he never took responsibility for his actions with me or for leaving. His tone was of a blaming nature.

So alone and feeling abandoned, my girl invited me to go out and have a drink. Earlier I had come across a magazine that had all the industry executive and A&R people and I was admiring CC. who knew that he would appear. It freaked me out but I was all in but again I became afraid and ran.

That incident with Roc (just disappearing) had really made me angry but I can’t help but wonder how pissed he would have been if that show was real.
It seemed like it was a game for them…whoever got her to say the words, “I Love You” would be able to take her everything.

All the horror stories were used to hurt me, blame me, and take my spirit. I don’t care what is said I still believed someone cared for me but with the games and lies I probably will never know. It was never really about me. It was about egos, money, and revenge. It was about milking and bilking.

I wonder which one calls himself owning me? That’s funny. Twenty plus years later, I am not tripping on it because I feel abandoned and scorned. I never loved man enough to give my ‘everything’ because I never had any lasting love from anyone – ever. I am not sad about that anymore. I was too good of a person for them then.

Now, I am probably exactly what they deserve – a constant reminder of where they went wrong. Some people do major dirt then in their later years want to make amends but who am kidding – those men still look out for themselves first. I can assure you that I won’t be the only one being haunted because this ghost has unfinished business and unresolved issues to be addressed.

The closest I have come to ‘love’ is the memories of what could have been through the music and their ridiculous ‘love me, love me not’ game. I play till I get bored because it’s just music. The men that I have met have been on some revenge type of situation. I’m cool. I heard that all African-Americans have got it out for me and that I will never find someone to care about me. As if an entire race could black-ball Love, stop playing. I have feelings like any other woman but I don’t let my feelings dictate my actions when it comes to matters of the heart.

You can’t trust your heart to heartless people. I am glad that I come from a generation that actually believed in love. Unfortunately, this new generation of men makes reference to girls as being ‘buses’ – one every fifteen minutes. Now that’s messed up. Those girls are going to be in trouble with the whole world seemingly decreasing their value.

Shortly after my ordeal, I would notice that others would manipulate situations to portray untruths regarding myself. My sister has set me up on different occasions. There was no reason for me to have to go with her to that web cam place. I simply wanted to keep it business about my money. If she wants to give someone webcam permission to see her or for whatever reasons she was there; that could have been without me. I would NEVER sign some webcam deal and didn’t appreciate being thrown in that situation. Not when I had the body and especially not now. She knows she said studio not porn studio. Why must people always conspire? He just wanted to show his stuff to Tyra. I hate when situation are set up to portray the wrong message.

That was ridiculous.

My problem may be due to the conditioning and upbringing. When you are not given any consideration; you notice the differential treatment of others. Clueless as to the lengths that people go to for revenge, I was walking around oblivious to everything. I made horrible mistakes as an abused child but when I acted out I was beat like I created sin. Extension cords were my mother’s choice of weapon. This only made me timid for a while but helped build my tolerance for pain. The worst punishment for me was the no sweets or no TV, I would have gladly take the whipping instead.

Chapter 15: Tragedy at Home

I first realized the severity of my situation when, on January 31, 1995, I was home in my kitchen cooking dinner and there was a knock at the door. There was a knock at the door and I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t tell you how many police were there but before I opened the door I asked what they wanted. Surely they have the wrong house. The officer held up a search warrant in connection to a double homicide. I was spooked as I continued to read the piece of paper that the officer held up to the window. I couldn’t believe it when he slapped the window in anger edging me to hurry up and open the door.

I had no freaking idea what they were talking about and didn’t want to know. I didn’t even watch the news because it was too much. I was in my own world so to speak, completely in the dark and sleepwalking. I have never been the same since. Imagine my mind racing with fear and anxiety. My body was shaking profusely. Some jackass took my luggage tag from my trip to NY and left it at the crime scene. I have never been able to find out whom and I don’t want to know. I never judged people or at least I tried not to. I dealt with people from all walks of life. I had faith in people then and I made excuses for those who disappointed me or behaved in hurtful manners. I didn’t feel pretty as a child and I was always extremely apologetic. Being raised separate and isolated, this never gave me an opportunity to know the true evil that exist in some.

So, you see part of my dilemma? There is no such thing as common sense. What is common for one may not be common for others. Especially, when everyone around knows exactly what is going on but won’t say. It is easy to sit up and call someone stupid but unless it is you being deliberately left in the dark surrounded by people who blame or take out everything on you.

Amidst all the drama, on August 15, 1996 my oldest child was outside playing outside in front of the house when one of my hate-filled neighbor’s children chased him into the street. Conveniently, he was struck by a vehicle and thrown into the air to land on the concrete. What made this different from any accidental automobile collision was the drivers’ response. Sharon Deasfernandez, the driver got out of her car with this cold, angry expression on her face.

Clearly, she was not sorry, no sign of remorse. I can only imagine that something happened to someone’s family and they were coming for mine.

Of course, I immediately ran to my child’s aid but all the while watching her facial expressions. It was strange that within a few minutes her family came to support her and try to justify why she was remorseless. I wanted to fight her but my child required my assistance and at this time I was still in disbelief. I thought it was odd that she was of Hispanic decent being that I never really knew that I had crossed paths with anyone except Jake Salazar. It is possible that one of the persons that I knew was and looked black. I don’t know but regardless I started to watch everyone closely. I slept with a twenty gauge after that incident.

From my viewpoint, we were truly under siege.

My sister was raped around the same time my nightmare began and for a while I thought it had something to do with me. At the time I was being blamed for everything and I was raised apologizing all the time so I was trying to figure it all out. It is not until this day that I know that whatever is going on with my sister is her problem. She can play the ‘I love you, I love you not’ game all by herself because I am done. That rollercoaster game is over. I forgive and forgive but enough is enough.

I don’t want to minimize her pain but nobody stopped them busters from raping me daily. I have been date raped before and told my mother and my husband what was done to me. I was vomiting and crying but they acted like I didn’t say anything.

I submitted list of songs, copyright copies, and contracts request for assistance; however, I received my materials back from all the attorneys, groups, and agency, along with letters expressing no interest in representing me.

On May 20, 1996, I filed a lawsuit against BMI, Zomba and Jive because of their lack of response to my request as to how BMG, MCA, EMI, WEA, Polygram and Jive have released songs which blatantly infringe upon my copyrights. I sent these lyrics to Zomba and discussed these works in detail. Clearly, I have been denied my rights and this definitely confirms a Monopoly situation.

I was very emotional at this time and lacked the skill of a licensed attorney but I provided copies of copyrights. I provided proof of certified mailings and other documents to support that I required courts assistance.

On July 22, 1996 the courts dismissed my case as frivolous. Judge Bernard A. Friedman cited that my show cause order was bizarre, irrational and indeed delusional. Judge Friedman continues to state that the complaint is fanciful and delusional. I didn’t know that copyrights and certified mail receipts were miscellaneous papers.

 ***See lawsuit starting Part III***

So, let me get this right…I imagined my house getting shot up, double homicide, children assaulted and sister getting raped. The judge could have assigned counsel or made another decision. Talk about getting assaulted, I felt violated all over again.

I agree my letter to the court was emotional but it didn’t negate my request in accordance Federal Rules of Civil procedure, Rule 16 (a)(b)(c); Also under U.S.C., Title 15 28,19,49; Under 28 U.S.C, 1915(d) – Plaintiff request counsel be assigned…preventing protraction due to lack of management.

I know that this was a bold move but considering the situation there was no other recourse. Desperate people do desperate things in order to survive.

Simply leaving my home became traumatic. I was trying to get help but the only help that seemed to be available was those with one hand balled into a fist; the other holding a bat.
I look back on the days when my whole body would shake with fear and distress when interacting with the public. Knowing that no matter where I go there would be people there who I would jokingly refer to them as Fans. It became so ridiculous to the point where some would make comments on subjects or matters that I was previously discussing.

Now I believe in coincidence but not constantly. It was like my home was bugged. No joke. While walking in crowds, I’d hear people respond to conversations and tell stories that were almost identical, again repeatedly.  I can’t begin to detail some of the horror stories I heard. For the most part, I am great at numbing and hardening myself.

Even then, I knew that something was wrong. I just had no clue as to man’s inhumanity to man. Nothing could have prepared anyone for what followed.

Harassing me on the sly seemed to be easier. Getting my family to turn on me was a good move. I would have never thought that a little pressure will make people that are supposed to love you; hate you.

No one cared so this is why I was making the perfect victim. People would take turns screwing me over in all things and it was okay. So I became angrier and tried to harden myself and convinced myself that at least he didn’t hurt me and went back to it. You don’t know what it is like for nobody to give a care about you and they are supposed to be family.

So yes, when people call me crazy, I don’t even care because the person that I have been forced to become is just trying to stay alive.

I call it ‘playing big girl.’

Now this is just my outlook on life. No one has all the answers but when you grow up sheltered and separate from what is commonly known as the world. The world is not a place you can go away from and I am too nosey and stubborn to take the easy way out.

The abused child in me always believed that I needed someone to validate me. Looking for love that I could not seem to get or keep, it is not as important anymore. I don’t live to be loved and that is probably a good thing or just simply being discarded would have killed me. Maybe it’s me being spiteful or the vengeance in my heart. I still manage to treat people decent but the second I feel threatened or have any doubt of their sincerity it is easy for me to shut it down.

For the most part my friends are few but I never know when they will flip so I just brace myself and say ‘they are tripping, again’ while I go on till they get over whatever it is. I don’t know why people expect me to choose them over myself; especially, when I have repeatedly been subjected to abuse. So when I am faced with opposition, I just laugh because if you want me to fall apart and harm myself – it is not going to happen!

I allow myself to be human even though most don’t. I love me all the time and just because I don’t run around believing or chasing down justice is because I have already tried repeatedly until my soul bled. Like everyone else I am just trying to live this messed up life in this messed up world. Don’t try to pretend like you have any intentions for good. My faith is in God and not people and my personal relationship will have to do. It is hard for me to talk about religion and that is one the topics that I won’t discuss with just anyone. From my viewpoint, none of them were there for me.

Everybody knows, so how can I be expected to seriously, wholeheartedly choose when from my viewpoint they are standing by watching a crime and doing nothing. In my opinion, that makes them just as guilty (but I am not God).

I can’t punish anyone but I will be damned if I spend one more second apologizing for being angry for what has been allow to transpire against me for decades. Without fail, periodically, I can feel the treachery like quiet before the storm.

I know that my family blames and hates me or they wouldn’t treat me the way they do. That ‘I love you, I love you not’ would make the average person crazy but it is boring and it only pisses me off. I try not to look at all people the same but it is very difficult when you have nothing else positive to compare it with. I gave many chances and I forgave an unimaginable amount of intentional harmful acts by both; family and friends but it all stops now.

That’s the whole point of these games, break down the spirit and the body will follow.

It has gotten to the point where I don’t even want them to love me because they have not a clue. God loves me and on that I am certain and that is more than enough most of the time.

Prior to my realization that my family was capable of betrayal, I gave my trust to my mother and she betrayed me by assisting in attempting to discredit. Ignoring the true situation and not supporting me even though I had supporting documentation, along with the other tragedies that befell our family. I can’t help but wonder if the rumor that when she went on a cruise that maybe she was approached. I guess I should have questioned my grandmother further regarding her comment, ‘I don’t know why Cathy does you like that…’

Being legally blind, I am slow to respond but I know I saw both – Larry & Roc (separately) back around that time. One looked like a changed man in witness protection-like sort a way but I wasn’t sure. The other was trying to get me a job around the time when MJ was ‘supposedly’ interested but a/some Detroiters sabotaged by hurting my son and I shut everyone out. I thought that I recognized his laugh off in the distance; it was like ‘I know she has got to see me’ or ‘what is wrong with this girl’ type of laugh. I was so distraught that I was a walking zombie so by the time my eyes and mind caught up; it was like a delayed reaction. I was so destroyed by this time and in literal shock.

Letter to Governor of Michigan by Mother:
Mary, my mother, sent this letter to the Governor of Michigan:

 Although, all of these social services programs were denying me unfairly and without just cause…

I was not happy with this at all. I let her lead me because I could not have imagined that a mother would ever do anything to harm her child. I think back to those days and I have always known Tyra to be her favorite. The blatant difference in her treatment and response given by her should have been my first clue but everywhere else I turned was closed doors.

Considering all the proven events that transpired and tragedies incurred, any person would be somewhat distraught or devastated at not being able to obtain any assistance.

However, regarding the so-called diagnosis given, there was not enough time or actions that would justify such a response. It was easier to discredit and ignore. When I realized what was being done I immediately became upset and then I had thought for just a while that maybe something really did happen and that with time I would be given a chance. It never came. All I received was more mistreatment and many obstacles. At times I noticed that my family would make jokes and Tyra would always remind me with anger that she was raped as if I was responsible. I will never allow them to get close to me again, not ever! It becomes easy not to care after so many years of being emotionally scarred. I see them for what they are and I will never give them the power to use my love of family to poison my efforts.

I could have accepted the outcome more readily if I had not acquired proper copyrights or retained thorough documentation, express mail receipts and other supporting forms. I could have accepted this outcome if I truly felt like I just outright set out to deceive and it backfired.

With all the direct pressure, I was able to ascertain that the real message was for me to commit suicide…

I cannot do that, I won’t!

I am only human and no longer possess the drive to be overly affectionate or that overly friendly person. I have been forced to sacrifice all my youth to this to so-called appease the crowd. It is not humanly possible for me to be lovable when my own children act like my pain means nothing. Besides, all the sweetness has been sucked out of me. I never learned how to pretend to be something just to fit in; especially, since I have never truly been given a chance.

That is why I say that I appeared to be the perfect victim being that I was raised separate and isolated. How can you expect that kind of behavior after all these years? That is my point, this is fixed.

I am convinced that this is a compilation of events and I was the scapegoat. I thought I was powerless and I knew that people were not trying to help. Everything I said and each action I made was due to the information that was provided, compiled with what I knew from hands on experience.  I had to survive the best way I knew. I was in shock that the world works like this. Surprised that people would manipulate, coax, and then try to discard and destroy someone for personal gain. That girl at that record company would take my material, repeatedly and then berate and belittle my work afterward.  These were the same lyrics that someone found use for and made it onto the radio.

Again, I may not know all that transpired but I do know that something happened to some people. It was clear by the behavior and mistreatment that was thrust upon me.

I was told that it wasn’t unheard of to emotionally abuse, reject and cause severe duress to influence suicidal actions. I was told that she killed herself. One can never imagine that pain of being used and discarded; then to top it off tortured and mocked.

Shortly afterward, my next journal entry says it all…
1995 Journal entry, six months after initial ordeal:

                       (6) Six months ago from today, my best friend was brutally murdered. The say was a gang of cutthroat thieves. All I know is I saw her die and since then I haven’t been the same. We were so close – it was like she could read my mind. She worked hard at being a good friend to me and was a good listener. She always had my back no matter what monsters we faced.

                        ‘One day when I wasn’t listening or paying attention, somehow I misinterpreted her cries for help and allowed myself to be distracted just long enough for harm to befall her. I couldn’t understand why she was always in such turmoil. She was being hunted and for fear of endangering me, she couldn’t bring herself to open up and be direct. I don’t know if I could have saved her life but I could have helped her to deal with her pain. The Pain, she wore on her face like make-up was her only way of communicating. Her messages of hope and love fell on deaf ears.’

                      ‘I couldn’t believe the onlookers and passerby’s as they cheered for her demise. Filled with half-truths and hatred, the people rejoiced as the life slipped from her body. Feeling justified with the homicide, they taunted and ridiculed…then carelessly went on with their lives as if she was nothing. I will never forget her, so helpless, so sad. I will never forget the day that I died.

This was obviously the turning point of my life where I knew that I would never be the same person that I once was. I had to become someone else in order to survive. I have never killed anyone or plotted to hurt people intentionally. If I went off on someone, it was always self-defense.

Grievance letters sent to: Zomba & Grubman, Indursky, Schindler & Goldstein
March 4, 1995 – Grievance letters sent to:  

According to contractual obligations, it is necessary for me to submit notices of my grievances with Zomba to both them and Grubman, Indursky, Schindler & Goldstein, P.C.

Upon receiving my returned signature cards for Certified Mail sent March 4,1995, I noticed that article # Z 720 884 987 and Z 720 884 988 were signed by the same person at a completely different zip code.

Note: One company is, in fact counsel for the other – completely different. Law firm resides on the 30th floor on the other side of town. There was no mailing service to pick up certified mail. Zomba received packages first in each case.

The second set of packages were sent March 14, 1995, was signed by same Zomba agent as previous certified mailings six days after I mailed and 3 days after Zomba received duplicate package

Copies of original Certified Mail receipts
Duplicated below in Black and White:

Note: All three were mailed at the same time. Upon receiving my returned signature cards for Certified Mail sent March 4,1995, I noticed that article # Z 720 884 987 and Z 720 884 988 were signed by the same person for Certified Mail article # Z 303 560 021  at a completely different zip code.

___________________________________________________________________

 Certified Mail article # Z 720 884 986 to Grubman, Indursky and Schindler at zip code 10019 was signed for on March 7, 1995 while all were mailed at same time.

Certified Mail article # Z 720 884 987 and 
Article # Z 720 884 988 mailed on the 4th were signed for on March 6, 1995 
but 
Grubman, Indursky and Schindler was not  signed for until March 7th 1995.

Certified Mail article # Z 720 884 987 Richard Blackstone

Certified Mail article # Z 720 884 988 Zip code 10001 Dave Renzer

Note: Both were mailed at the same time. Upon receiving my returned signature cards for Certified Mail sent March 14, 1995, this time – I noticed the three day delay. See Below:

This piece was signed for on March 17, 2013; while the other was signed on March 20, 2013.

Certified Mail article # Z 720 884 987 & Z 720 884 988 were signed by same person who signed Certified Mail article # Z 303 560 021 (below).

Certified Mail article # Z 303 560 021 for Grubman, Indursky and Schindler at zip code: 10019 AND this item was delayed three days but mailed at same time – signed March 20, 1995. 

Compare these two signature and dates…
Certified Mail article # Z 720 884 987-Duplicated for comparison.

Note: Date and signature are by same person two different zip codes – 10001 to 10019, different addressee, delayed delivery. 

Compare dates…(95-written by same person)



In each instance, postal representatives acknowledge the fact that something is out of order and that signatures match but they are quick to pass the buck. Date of delivery is written by same person although 2 weeks apart and 2 different zip codes.

On March 28, 1995, I was referred to Alexander Kuhne – Attorney by Howard Hertz. I spoke with Kuhne – Attorney on Thursday, March 30, 1995. I thought that everything was fine. He said he spoke with Hertz on his cellular and ‘It’s Big”, so come by. I met with Kuhne – Attorney 3 times and the only time he made himself available was when he was collecting documents and tapes. Why did he ask specifically for originals? He laughed and said that my materials had been gutted and that this happens all the time.

At first he agreed to represent, then after collecting information and tapes he made a complete turn. My paperwork is kept pretty good. If you can’t trust lawyers then who can you trust?

Kuhne – Attorney attempted to change dates and his letter contradicts what he said to my face. I have witnesses and Hertz cellular phone records should coincide with my statements. Why did he try to deny what dates we met in his response? I would have never given him so much time or given him originals. Some of those originals are now missing but I have copies.

Due to the fact that I didn’t accept Hertz’s advice, by accepting that bogus royalty statement as legitimate. I believe that Hertz wanted to know what facts I had to support my accusations.

Hertz has been in the entertainment business for years, he stated that in previous dealing with Zomba/Jive – they did not look out for their writers. I learned this in the last meeting with him.

He was familiar with how they conduct business and neglected to be honest in the beginning but when I spoke to him prior to signing the contract he certainly did not advise me accordingly. He did not like the fact that I disagreed with the last minute change from contingency to a large retainer fee for a song already placed and pressed through a major label.

I can supply other documentation to the ones previously sent to show damages.

On Thursday, March 30, 1995, I met with Alexander Kuhne at 1:30pm. I remember because you late and arrived at 1:50 pm.  Hertz referred me to you on March 28, 1995 after I visited his office again. Why change the date? I met with you three times within a two week period. If there was conflict of interest, why not tell me at the beginning. Hertz put me off for two weeks and then Kuhne put me off another two weeks after collecting my files and tapes. Why?

On February 23, 1996, I filed a grievance against Alexander Kuhne – Attorney with the Attorney Grievance Commission. Below is Kuhne’s response.


I also kept up the good fight…regardless of their decision.

Attorney Alexander Kuhne’s response to Grievance Commission:

Kuhne definitely had originals longer than six days…Even though they admittedly worked in the Entertainment field; Kuhne & Hertz never said who they represented out of Michigan or otherwise…Attorney Grievance Commission never asked. 



Kuhne admitted that I gave him correspondence, envelopes, copyright reports and cassette
tapes… He denied asking for originals but clearly acknowledges above, ‘Lovelace left me with her original information…’

The same information that was included in the court case and in this book.

Kuhne stated, ‘I do not believe that I represented at that time anyone involved…’ This doesn’t instill confidence or sound convincing, either you did or didn’t. As an attorney, you know your clients to avoid conflict of interest.

He denied asking for originals but Kuhne clearly acknowledges docs as originals. I wasn’t bothersome when he took materials.

I only gave him those correspondence and copyrights because I was lead to believe he would assist- I didn’t use words like ‘gutted.’ That was music industry jargon I got from them.

If he felt that my accusations were groundless, why take originals, 14 days and then refer me to a Detroit lawyer agency…Kuhne and/or Hertz represented someone involved in music…Letter from Kuhne dated April 12, 1995, (a year earlier)

Kuhne definitely had originals longer than six days…Even though they admittedly worked in the Entertainment field; Kuhne & Hertz never said who they represented out of Michigan or otherwise…Attorney Grievance Commission never asked.

Zomba/Jive’s Denies having Songs involved in copyright infringements
July 20, 1995 Letter from Zomba regarding investigation of my allegations:

Although these songs are listed in the Co-Publishing Agreement.

Zomba kept sending letter with different dates inside envelopes postmarked ‘COMICS.’

Zomba’s envelopes postmarked with the words “COMICS”

This letter from Zomba representative dated July 20, 1995 also has date stamps with the following dates: August 30, 1995, September 27, 1995, October 9, 1995, October 23, 1995, and November 27, 1995 listed as follow-ups. If you review the copies of envelopes listed on page below and 170, those conveniently did not show the word ‘COMICS’ when they wanted lyrics and melodies but were used blatantly in their attempt to address my allegations and/or concerns on this page and page 170.

These dates also seem to correspond with journal entries that express negative public response. 

Note: Previous correspondents (pages 73 and 83) which were made an in attempt to generate lyrics and melodies didn’t have the comics strip. There are many other letters but this proves my point.

The letter below is a copy of page 23 from the Zomba Music publishing contract; which clearly lists the songs that were referenced.

In the letter from Zomba initially dated July 20, 1995, they stated, ‘we do not appear to have recordings of either of your songs in our library…’ –

THIS PAGE IS TAKEN FROM THE ZOMBA MUSIC PUBLISHING CONTRACT.

In the letter from Zomba initially dated July 20, 1995 – (Page 165 & 166), they stated, ‘we do not appear to have recordings of either of your songs in our library…’ – NENE/101893.agr
August 23, 1995 Journal entry:

‘I made my first appearance as a comedienne. I loved it but I need more practice time. So now I am trying the comedy thing and I like it.’
‘I met some people that can really go with the comic relief. I was happy to be given a chance to do my thing.’

August 24, 1995 Journal entry:

‘I liked where my new life was heading – all I have to do is just be me, silly as hell.’ ‘I think I will be okay now the pain almost knocked me out. As usual, I had to put it right. I have suffered and mourned enough. It’s time for the ups (positives).

Shortly afterward, I kept hearing about a story of someone hurting people by burning their toes, so I don’t know if they are threatening me again or what. I was being blamed again for some actions of others. If I am kept in the dark, how am I supposed to know what is going on. Unfortunately, I have to wait till the public lashes out at me in secret and then try to determine if they are just painting a picture to intimidate.

‘I heard the people on the radio talking about the toes and I lashed out in anger at them threatening me or trying to instill me with fear. All I know is that I hated listening to the radio – assholes.’ ‘They use their powers for bad.

August 1995 Journal entry:

‘They can get their heels out of my neck now because unless they are coming back like they know that they should, they can stay away.’

‘The lack of love is killing me softly. The longer I go without it the angrier and hateful I become. I like the strength that I have developed but I am a loose cannon. Mean as all hell and I don’t give a dang. I am hurting severely.’

‘Leap of faith, leap on these with that crap! So I guess this means that I am still wounded pretty badly.’

September 1995 Journal entry:

‘Curtis is adding to my pressure deliberately by starting fights and told me to give up on that music stuff. After 10 years, I couldn’t believe he would side with them under duress.’

‘He has known for some time that someone was recording, listening, and possibly taping our conversations because suddenly he started calling off my aliases. Why would he randomly start speaking on my ‘dirt’? The only people who could have used these aliases to hurt me would have been the law.’
Then they were still playing that game where they would pretend to getting ready to fix this mess and give me my rights to privacy along with the Dangling Carrot – The Deal. Followed by releasing the public on me to mock and attack. In addition to everything that was going on…

October 24, 1995 Envelope from Zomba:

Am I the only one who notices the upper right hand corner – COMICS?
November 28, 1995 Envelope from Zomba:

Really, am I the only one who notices the upper right hand corner? I guess this was their way of having fun since it appears that they never had good intentions.

December 24, 1995 Journal entry –

                    ‘That’s messed up…I can’t even get murdered right…’ ‘I am not, was not, and won’t be afraid of nothing. The intimidation tactics are funny to me. ‘I will not tolerate disrespect of any kind,’

                      ‘If you really want to see me speechless and messed up, just do the right thing. I would think that it was the end of the world.’

                       ‘Arrogance has nothing to do with wanting to be treated like a human being. We only expect, at least, to be treated like you treat your friends or at least I thought you knew. I’m just simply not going to be able to be dogged and misused.’

                       ‘By the way, that was weak. I don’t care what was said and done for whatever reason. I don’t care what others say or what they say. I DO care if I allow myself to fall that low.’

                       ‘It truly saddens me but I will not be afraid. Stay out of my presence if you feel me to be beneath you. This is and will continue to be my world. I have bowed long enough – It is time to stand up!!”

                      ‘I’m thoroughly disappointed; I couldn’t even get killed properly…that messed up. They still waste valuable time and money trying to push me to do their dirty work.’’ I think not.’

Blinded by hurt and anger, I became fearless and began to antagonize my oppressors. I would put myself in harm’s way as if to provoke. Of course, I would be subjected to some seemingly unnatural and unexplainable event to ensue fear and submission. What was impossible for all of them to know is that my previous life experiences had already prepared me for most of the games.

                   ‘It is I who knows the truth, you can analyze my words but you cannot read my heart. So, if you wish to judge me –feel free but I am not scared, nor impressed. I have hardened myself in order to survive’

                                     Signed by, Hellion G. Misery

Seriously, I had thought about changing my name around this time to either Hellion G. Misery or Misery G. Hellion. During this time I had started to withdraw from everyone in order to obtain clarity. I needed to work through my feelings, find a way to survive feelings of abandonment.
December 1995 Journal entry –

‘I wonder why I have this gut feeling that someone truly cares but I don’t know who or where – I’ve been so wrong so often. Maybe it’s my own desires of true love taking over periodically. Maybe it’s the little help I seem to be getting I guess just to keep me up a little (yet, controlled). I enjoyed going to the comedy audition, which was nice. The trip to Atlanta was a nice break. I only wish that they wouldn’t play games.’

I was trying to hold on to the hope that love would save the day. That was silly of me, huh. I had decided that I would try my hand at comedy. I put together some vulgar jokes and auditioned for Def Jam and BET. I actually wasn’t too bad for one of the shows. The second audition went really bad when I was never told that this show was for families. They lined us up outside and I didn’t know that it was not an adult comedy show until seconds prior to me being escorted on stage. They were aware that my jokes were not for children and there was a haggler in the back waiting to clown. Set up again. Of course, I didn’t tell the jokes that I had prepared and tried to wing it. It was awful.

December 1995 Journal entry:

‘No more parties until 1996 for me. Wednesday, I am going to the show. I’m keeping my job and chilling with my new VCR till 1996. I cannot believe how they still tripping. I didn’t know my life was so important to them. They still were tripping! I am flattered that they all find me so interesting (sarcasm). I thought that they didn’t know how to love but sure know how to love to hate me- It’s all good though.’
‘They’re holding on just like lice on a dog. Well, pull up a chair – I’m chilling.  I think it’s time to relax and start not giving a care anymore. I am chilling with my children and my Piper’s champagne.’

Mail Tampering and Mail delays

Tell me, how does someone tamper with mail from multiple carriers? Who has that capability? Just think about it… Different zip codes, same dates written CLEARLY.

On May 14, 1996 Letter received from DHL Worldwide Express confirms unexplainable delay in delivery:

Tell me, how does someone tamper with mail from multiple carriers? 
Who has that capability? Just think about it… 


Zomba’s Idea of Resolution and Response

I could not believe this came literally months before I filed my lawsuit against Zomba…

This letter is dated within days of mail tampering/unexplained mail delay-convenient? After some 40+ song lyrics and melodies, ‘dissatisfaction’ is an understatement…

Zomba’s Answer to Allegations

This was their response to my allegations and complaints regarding stolen works. Of course, I didn’t sign this mess…$1000.00??? 

This was exactly two months before I filed the lawsuit against them in Michigan District court…convenient timing-it was as if they knew some how. (See next page)

This was a joke and I was completely insulted and NO, I didn’t sign…

Lawsuit filed against Zomba/Jive
On May 16, 1996 – Case filed in District Court against Zomba:






On June 13, 1996, courts granted application to proceed in forma pauperis (I was allowed to represent myself). Case was filed initially on May 16, 1996.

Dated-May 16, 1996

Note: Paul Katz’s name was listed on check, he and Renzer were carbon copied on my advance letter sent by Richard Blackstone, Director of Zomba Music Publishing. See page 116 and below for more on Katz contribution… another Katz mentioned in Complaint…

Case Summary of Events
This is my 1st letter sent with Complaint which summarized events:

The Lawsuits Case Summary of Events and Explanation of Exhibits explains in detail exactly how these songs were placed and used in Copyright Infringements.

Explanation of Exhibits provided to Courts

The Lawsuits Case Summary of Events and Explanation of Exhibits explains in detail exactly how these songs were placed and used in Copyright Infringements.

The Lawsuits Case Summary of Events and Explanation of Exhibits explains in detail exactly how these songs were placed and used in Copyright Infringements.

PAu001720136 / January 7, 1993     “Collection I-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967-   18 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES, 1 RAP, AND 2 POEMS

Copyrighted Collection I – TIWANDA

1.      PAu001720136 / January 7, 1993     “Collection I-Tiwanda.” Lovelace, Tiwanda, 1967-   18 SONG LYRICS AND MELODIES, 1 RAP, AND 2 POEMS











































Co-Publishing Contract Includes and List Songs

Again, Zomba’s contract acknowledged and included songs that were used in copyright infringements, yet, they denied having.

Order to Show Cause

Courts advised complaint must comply with F.R. Civil procedures; short and plain statements, numbered with demand for judgement.

Lovelace, Plaintiff Complied w/ Order
Courts advised complaint must comply with F.R. Civil procedures; short and plain statements, numbered with demand for judgement. Court gave (10) ten days to respond; So I did…

On June 24, 1996, I responded with request for counsel to be assigned to prevent protraction due to lack of management (within legally allotted 10 days time).

Note: U.S. District court seal, dated Jun 24, 1996 at 10:45 am…AND Note: On June 24, 1996, I provided court with 2nd/Revised Complaint that was ‘set forth in short, plain statements’ as required by law.
Clearly explained Each document listed as Exhibits

Note: Clearly, I explained Each document listed as Exhibits:



Both; The Revised Complaint and the Letter of explanation ‘set forth in numbered, short, plain statements that clearly state my argument, basis for claim, legal theories, supporting documents listed as exhibits, provided jurisdiction and demand for judgment as required by Fed. Rules on Civil rules of law.

Each form presented to courts was sent to Defendants.

I thought that it was strange that Zomba sought counsel from Ann Arbor MI instead of Detroit MI attorney.
Zomba attorney submitted this motion as if never received or completely ignored my complaint that was in compliance w/ court.

This response is dated August 7, 1996, I submitted the revised complaint on June 24, 1996 but he is not acknowledging that complaint.































ZOMBA NEVER OBTAINED COPYRIGHT FOR ANY OF MY SONGS; EXCEPT FOR THE ONE THAT INITIATED THE CONTRACT…







ZOMBA NEVER OBTAINED COPYRIGHT FOR ANY OF MY SONGS; EXCEPT FOR THE ONE THAT INITIATED THE CONTRACT…They were the administrators.

These ‘entities’ mentioned in defendant’s response were on Zomba’s casting list and in contract showing that Zomba worked with them to place songs. The complaint is far from ‘Vague and ambiguous’..



These ‘entities’ mentioned in defendant’s response were on Zomba’s casting list and in contract showing that Zomba worked with all of them to place songs. 


The complaint is far from ‘Vague and ambiguous’..















































This was Zomba’s attorney using the co-publishing contract:



 Zomba says that they didn’t have the songs and obviously not the page of the contract that shows listed songs…BUT THEY HAVE THE PARTS THEY NEED- HANDY.

This response is dated August 7, 1996, I submitted the revised complaint on June 24, 1996 but he is not acknowledging that complaint.

Court ignored my request in accordance Federal Rules of Civil procedure, Rule 16 (a)(b)(c); Also under U.S.C., Title 15 28,19,49; Under 28 U.S.C, 1915(d) – Plaintiff request counsel be assigned…preventing protraction due to lack of management.

Courts denied request to assign counsel, 1st Request -June 24,  1996.





























The Fix Was In-

Case dismissed prior to Zomba Response dated August 7, 1996

On July 22, 1996, Courts dismissed my case I never had an opportunity to go before the judge and be heard. I never had my day in court.

NOTE: Zomba Response dated August 7, 1996

My revised complaint complied completely with Fed. Rules of Civil Procedure but the courts ignored..

This is what I refer to as the jedi-mind-trick…just wave your hands and say the words and it never happened. I didn’t imagine bullet holes, family friend shot up, sister raped, etc..

Did he go there? With all that was mentioned, courts ignored actual events of violence. Stress can attribute to and cause physical ailments.

Note: Case dismissed prior to Zomba Response 
dated August 7, 1996 –

This was my Objection to Order of Dismissal-dated July 29, 1996.

Note: This was 2nd copy of Request for counsel to be assigned–submitted July 29, 1996   Judge Bernard A. Friedman-Courts dismissed my case before Zomba could respond…

Zomba/Jive History and Information from Wikipedia

When you sign a publishing contract, it should be ‘a given’ and fully understood that they would want to pursue royalties. Conveniently, they can use this contract to basically take your work or even allow your works to be used without pursuing your interest.

The kicker is, in the beginning they exaggerate their interest in offering you an opportunity for recording artist deal while working you for materials along with little up-front compensation but stated in their defense that ‘I refused to pursue claims’. Pursue claims…with what?

I never had the chance to go before the Judge. He completely disregarded my copyrights and ignored my request for counsel.

Ultimately, in spite of having copyrights being secured by myself, copies of materials, copies of receipts for overnight mailings, and other correspondences submitted to Zomba representatives; Zomba stated in response regarding songs that were in question that it was unclear. However; prior to filing suit against them I received a letter stating that they were investigating my claims. In fact, Zomba denied receiving or having any works in spite of my return receipts. What I didn’t know at the time was – their history which is taken from Wikipedia and listed below:

[1] In 1993, Zomba created ”’Zomba! Music Services in order, to facilitate publishing rights for those in the film and television industry. The division would act as a channel through which clients could acquire products and services from any company within Zomba…(Songs published by Zomba Music Publishers Ltd., or released on any of the Zomba labels, or specialty recordings owned by the division itself could be sourced for inclusion on film soundtracks, television shows or commercials).

This move gave Zomba profits by providing an accessible method of accessing the company’s vast publishing catalogue. Simultaneously, it allowed Zomba artists increased international exposure.  The expansion was largely unhampered, save for some legal issues with the Australian branch.  Australian record company Festival Mushroom Group lost at least a dozen employees to Zomba in early 1999, and placed an injunction that stopped them from soliciting Mushroom employees, and accused former employee Scott Murphy of trying to bolster Zomba’s presence while still working for Mushroom.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Zomba_Group_of_Companies&action=edit

In 1999 Zomba was involved in a “boy band controversy” when trying to sign another group that Pearlman had put together himself, NSYNC. In 1999 Zomba was involved in a “boy band controversy” when trying to sign another group that Pearlman had put together himself, NSYNC. NSYNC had recently left RCA due to allegations that Pearlman had taken approximately 50% of their profits and not the one-sixth that he had agreed to. Seeing the group as a “free-agent,” Jive quickly signed them and prepared to release their next album.  On 12 October, Pearlman’s company Trans Continental, in conjunction with RCA owner BMG Entertainment and BMG Ariola Munich sued Jive Records, Clive Calder, and the members of *NSYNC for $150 million citing, among other things, breach of contract. Pearlman sought an injunction against the release of the bands’ new album and that the recordings be given to him, but it was denied in court. As a response to the suit, and in reference to treatment by Trans Continental, *NSYNC released a statement citing the company’s poor conduct as “the most glaring, overt, and callous example of artist exploitation that the music industry has seen in a long time.”

The lawsuit, which Rolling Stone called “the music industry’s nastiest legal skirmishes in years,” was problematic for Zomba for two main reasons.

First, having heard that ‘N Sync was signed to Jive, the Backstreet Boys did not want to be a part of the label anymore.  Second, the lawsuit temporarily strained Zomba’s relationship with BMG, whose distribution deal with Zomba was coming to a close.  Jive initially announced that they would not renew their deal with BMG, but reconsidered following the lawsuit with BMG and Trans Continental.  The distribution deal may have been a determining factor in the outcome of the lawsuit, since distributed Zomba product accounted for 5.5% of BMG’s US market share, and company CEO Strauss Zelnick was under pressure not to lose that.

They also signed a new deal with the Backstreet Boys that gave the band a 20% royalty rate. As part of BMG’s 1996 agreement with Zomba, the music giant was required to follow through on a [[put option]] and buy the remaining shares it did not already own before 31 December 2002.

While Calder had originally requested $3.2 billion for his shares in Zomba, valuation of the label’s assets varied from $1.6 billion to $2.4 billion. Following the purchase negotiations, a price of $2.74 billion was agreed upon, the biggest purchase of an independent at the time.  Zomba’s sale had been the latest in a series of independent label sellouts including Island Records and Geffen Records (both sold to Universal for $300 million and $550 million respectively), and Virgin (sold for $950 million to EMI).  The $2.74 billion paid for the Zomba Group was more than was paid for the purchase of many others labels including Island, Geffen, Virgin, A&M, Motown, Chrysalis, and Def Jam, combined.

Initially, BMG took its time in integrating Zomba with the rest of its labels, hoping that the former independent would lift BMGs worldwide rank from fifth to fourth-largest record company.

RCA and Zomba kept separate groups under BMG, but this configuration was short-lived due to the dissolution of the Sony BMG merger.  Zomba is currently owned wholly by, and operates under Sony.

From 1981 until 1987, Zomba labels were distributed by Arista Records.  Following that, Zomba signed a deal with RCA Records/RCA for distribution that lasted until 1991.
The end of the deal coincided with BMG purchasing a large share of RCA and a deal with BMG was signed for distribution.

BMG remained the North American distributor for Zomba until after the purchase in 2002, however, other regions had various other distributors over time. EMI became an important distributor for Zomba in Europe via [[Virgin Records]], but distribution details are listed below in the Regional Branches section.

By 1990, Zomba was worth $225 million with over fifty companies.  Contrary to most other record businesses at the time, Zomba spared no time with frills.  “The Jive offices were crummy, cardboard desks.  They just really did everything on the cheap”, says attorney Gary Stiffelman.  The company began to attract more major label attention when EMI attempted to buy the company, but was ultimately turned down.

This period also saw Ralph Simon leaving Zomba at the start of the decade.  Through an unspecified “ethical disagreement”, Calder and Simon ended their relationship of over two decades.

Though the deal seemed to be solid, Zomba sold the company to BMG in 1995.

In mid-2003, BMG integrated Zomba’s publishing to form BMG-Zomba Music Publishers.  In 2007, [[Vivendi]] purchased the BMG-Zomba publishing company and placed it within [[Universal Music Publishing Group]], becoming the world’s largest music publishing business.

Note: I filed a lawsuit which provided these companies names to the courts and other entertainment attorney’s for using my works; which, included lyrics and melodies. All the while they were one in the same, working together. These songs were played on the radio by major artist signed to BMG, EMI; throughout the years starting after Zomba music publishing contract.

I never had the chance to go before the Judge. He completely disregarded my copyrights and ignored my request for counsel. Meanwhile, the messages continued…

June 15, 1996 Journal entry:

‘That is some ego – somebody thinks that a woman can be hurt by someone who means or brings nothing to her but problems. Well sorry guys but you don’t stand an ice cubes chance in hell. Trust me when I say I don’t care what a stupid MF does, that’s funny.’

‘I am not trying to get a man until after my business is complete. That is how this mess was started and I don’t need any fool who is easily controlled by outsiders and friends. I will be in a position to stand without or it’s nothing. I don’t need anyone rationing out my things, nor do I have any use for a liar.’ ‘They kill me with their tactics!’

‘While you think that I am uncivilized, I see you the same way but worse. At least I am real. No fake or phonies here.’

‘I never want to be compared to other woman because I am more. I am not easily intimidated nor am I jealous of anyone’s possessions (legally or illegally obtained). They came for me not vice versa. I didn’t have to try to hurt because I let you hurt yourselves.’

‘I gave everyone a year now I am not letting go until I am satisfied or until death do me- part. I am married to my work and family. I don’t need another problem.’

‘All I have done is watch and take notes all my life so when I speak it is because I know. I have seen. Please God, when I am over 40 don’t let me be stupid enough to ever fight to get a man. Nor do I want men fighting over me (or should I say my loot).’

‘If men would communicate better with women – they could still have their pride and egos; while keeping the respect of their mates. Who want to go from one hell to another? Not me!!’

‘This is how to tell a friend from foe?’
1. Friends let you be you without judgment.
2. Friends offer advice or opinion without being overbearing.
3. Friends don’t sell you out to advance themselves or personal gain.
4. Friends are always there to help and not cause harm.

Probably responding to what I felt was messages that I was hearing repeatedly.
June 15, 1996 Journal entry – continues:

‘I had so many busters talking stuff and I’m supposed to know who’s sincere – Not!’

‘When I first married Curtis, I never knew that he felt the way he does. How do you hide your true self for years?’

‘He’s in denial about what happened. He didn’t think anyone would know. I saw it when I looked at him. That whole week, he was sneaking around and saying things that I had said to that fool. So you’re down right I am finished.’

‘Personally, I don’t feel like I’ve met the love of my life yet. These men haven’t proved to be nothing. So why would anything they say or do hurt me? When I saw that they didn’t have anyone’s interest at heart but their own, I left as usual.’

‘If someone cared the other knew and messed it up so that’s what happens when you tell the wrong MF’s and not the one that you should.’

‘I am chilling and will be chilling while I am staying focused. When I remain celibate and abstain from sex, I can prevent more lies and rumors from being spread.’ ‘So I plan to steer clear of fools; especially, low-life’s.’

‘I’m not trying to be down with no one until I know where they stand on certain issues (women’s right).’
‘I don’t call the N.A.A.C.P. because they didn’t even try to help on a previous incident not even refer me to proper places.

They were cruel’

‘Even if Curtis and I weren’t doing well, I never wanted to see him down. I always pictured him getting a slice of whatever but he’d better work them fools that he’s listening to.’

‘Nutthin but love for ya!’ ‘Yeah, right!’  ‘All of them can go to hell.’

‘Betrayal is never to be forgiven; especially, when it is your family. I would have taken a bullet for all of them.’

‘It doesn’t matter if they thought that they were helping at first but when it all comes down to it – they were helping to hurt.’ ‘I don’t think I’m capable of acting like nothing happened. They made me crazy pretending like they didn’t know. The whole city knew and still knows more details than I. I only stated fact that I seen as I lived through it.’

I have never been the type person who was aware of my surroundings. I guess that one could say I lived in my own world to a certain degree. I can’t help but wonder if I wasn’t so in tuned emotionally would I have just went along with whatever. In most cases, I have always been able to use my instincts to feel or read a person (except when my heart was involved). I wanted to believe that people were good but I was so wrong.

Each time I dealt with an individual or group, I could tell that was something going on with them that was not good for me. If I had just signed under any of them, there is no telling what would have come of me. It is possible that all those people that I worked with were conspiring together all along to ‘so-call’ teach me a lesson.

Even in my darkest hours, God has always been with me and I know that I am blessed to truly know he has given me the strength to continue. This life has been a challenge at every turn but still I have found some good times in spite of man. When I am happy, (even when it is short lived) some people lose their minds and seek to destroy or take away from it.

Due to pages response from DHL and USPS, I filed the complaint listed below.
July 13, 1996 Filed against Postmaster regarding mail tampering:


June 18, 1996 Journal entry:

‘I don’t know what they are talking about, the last time that I checked – I was the victim. I will be glad when I know all that has transpired.’

‘It’s a trip when others can pick your enemies for you or is it the enemy just picked me to terrorize and test.’
‘It’s the not knowing, (always, the not knowing).’

Enemy – person who tears down what you are building or tries to hurt and take away!
Facts surrounding my life – Police, Family, Events

Frantically, trying to figure out why this was happening to me, I compiled what I do know and came up with this:

These are the facts surrounding my life:

1.  Contract states before and after works given prior to Hi-Five’s placements. Could they have known of works presented and placed through Lee Marcus/Jake Salazar?

2.  Police involvement – all my life, Friends and In-Laws
Detroit Chief of Police – Napoleon
Best friend’s family closely associated w/ Police
Brother in-law police

3a. Lee Marcus – Family is police

3b. Jake Salazar – Partnered w/ Lee Marcus

3c.  Five works given to Lee/Jake: ‘Keep Standing Tall’, ‘It’s Love/I’m what you need’,   ‘where are you now?’, ‘I need you here’, and ‘Just for you’

4.  Police ruled in favor of Sharon Deasfernandez after she hit my son w/ her car while he was in       front of his house playing.

5.  Police never followed up on domestic violence case against husband.

6.  Father accused of allegedly killing a police officer in 1969.

7.  Mother used to cry all the time at night, hated my father, kept secrets, raised to go to school, not allowed her children to participate in after school activities, no outside contact with schoolmates, no phone privileges, only kingdom hall was allowed.

8.  Mother tried to conceal truth by pressuring me, sent letter to governor, she found Dr. to discredit me without enough time to give wide range diagnosis, added emotional stress, dismissed son hit by car, sister raped and double homicide.

9.  Family succumb to violent acts, possibly to convince cooperation,

10.  Mail tampering – search warrant advised I was under surveillance – would explain mail tampering.

11.  Court dismissed/ignored request to assign counsel.

This was definitely signs that something just was not right and that this was no accident.
I was beginning to believe that I was that girl that was being pressured into committing suicide.

Given the information, at this time, I was still unable to understand which pieces were relevant and which was coincidental.  Of course, I continued onward and so did the messages…

Journal entry shortly after June 18, 1996:

‘What do you do when you are bruised, battered and bewildered; taunted by fools daily? The jokers and clowns unleashed as if orchestrated by higher forces!’

‘I keep trying to tell these stupid MF’s, I didn’t do this. The dirty losers are trying to blame me for everything. All I know is some fool doing some messed up stuff for money, revenge or simple kicks. Well I can’t feel sorry for that I don’t know about. But I do know that people are talking about whoever is getting messed up or got messed u, they are blaming me. Whatever has transpired, these mitches who call themselves judging is also responsible (if not more) because they were here watching and letting it happen.’

‘It was okay when it was me and my family. It was okay when it was a few innocent people victimized because they were getting money.’ ‘I haven’t assaulted nobody’s child. I haven’t hurt anyone. I express myself and my privacy should be respected.’ ‘They say knowledge is power but life has proved this to be a lie.’

‘That’s why I was never encouraged to attend college. It was never meant to be. I was never supposed to survive. Society and the entire city is responsible for any increase in crime because they encourage doing whatever it takes to get all the money and it is okay (that’s the message).’
‘I am glad that someone loved me, it is just sad others are making him pay for it and seemingly the world is blaming it on me or maybe it is just a game to them.’

‘Well due to the fact that I have ignorant folks who don’t want to see me have a drop of happiness, I find it difficult to lie to myself and say that anyone could withstand the pressure and this would give way to allow others to spread more lies. We know the game that’s played – get close, then dog them in an attempt to break their spirits. It’s the…‘I love, I love you not’ game.’

‘I wished that they would finish the job but since they haven’t then I guess I have to stand up and continue to fight them like the ‘Cancer’s’ that they are. I can’t keep playing – Guess the secret.’ ‘As many people that know more about what’s happening – all they can do is – continue harassing me about stuff that I have no knowledge of.’ ‘Instead of coming up with an idea to change or better the situation, they came in droves whispering and taunting me with numerous horrible stories.’

‘I can’t tell who is worse, the fools doing the hurting or the fools exacting revenge on me and mine because they can’t get the ones that they want.’
Everyone thought that they would have their blood revenge by pressuring me to take my own life but that didn’t happen.’

‘The current story being told is that a man was kidnapped. This would be inhumane but not impossible. What is sad is that no one has tried to intervene to stop the chaos – they swim in it but still they judge. It is useless if the person you are trying to destroy is unaware of your reasons or if the person doesn’t know why they are being persecuted. It’s ridiculously a waste of time.’

I was and am stressed out all the time by all the different sneaky jabs to my soul.

Undated 1995-1996 Journal entry:

‘What I found to be the most amusing was the comments from the fools that came on the radio with that stuff– fools…please. I’ve got to hand it to you, that day the TV went crazy that was something to see. I figure that the money you spent to attempt to do me, you should have received something. Too bad, all you got was a good show without the Grand Finale that you were hoping for.’

‘The best name you came up with was Scarface (I liked that one). The stretch mark song was kind of idiotic but the beat was nice but I repeat myself – I am not scared of none of you MF’s.’ ‘That’s why they are still mad.’

On August 27, 1996, The Attorney Grievance Commission responded:


After all that had transpired, to add insult to injury Zomba sent me another long casting list …
October 11, 1996


June, 1997 Journal entry:

 ‘I have learned firsthand certain things about business and the music world. I myself have a lot of unanswered questions but I feel the need to inform you of what I have learned.’ ‘I have been unable to find any books that have given up the nasty side of the business. Most authors seem to neglect to inform their readers of certain important facts.’

‘I’ve come to the conclusion that this is taboo.’
‘I mean you hear about the drugs that have always infested the industry but the average person doesn’t have a clue as to what goes on behind the scenes. So many hopeful, aspiring artists come and go with the breeze.’

‘You would think that talent would be all you would need – not so. Now I am not saying that most that make it don’t have talent, I’m saying that in my opinion 85 percent of the real hits that you hear are actually written by other people who will never get the proper credit or proper money. Songs are stolen. Ideas – confiscated. Okay, you have got to expect that by this industry being a billion dollar business that things happen. People get desperate and hungry so they connive. Why don’t they tell the truth? Why not warn others?’

‘I know this part will be cut out or this book won’t go anywhere because I don’t know what a ‘No, No’ is. There is a reason why others never tell.’
‘I have heard gory stories of people being forced to take heavy drugs to control said persons. I have heard and experienced intimidation tactics to discourage lawsuits. Threats are not uncommon. Boy, do I have a lot to say but I cannot help but wonder what the consequence will be.’
 ‘I feel as if I have literally been spared. I have devoted so many years to my music that maybe someone can learn from my mistakes and prevent other talented writers from being exploited as I was.’

‘First and foremost, if you do not have big cash – DO NOT MESS AROUND. Use your talents elsewhere, transfer your creativity elsewhere.’

‘It takes a special kind of person to successfully maneuver any career in the music industry. You have to have a great deal of patience, inner strength and above all a good healthy attitude toward life. Then, that is when talent comes into play.’

‘There are many routes one can take to make it in the business. There is always the old fashioned way – grandfather clause. You could have a close relative let you coax in on their back. As with any club that has member’s only policy, you can buy your way in but it cost big crazy change and part of your soul. Then there are those that live in the moment and seize the opportunity by taking others materials.’

Even in 1997, I wanted to tell my story but I was hoping things would get better but it never did. I wish I had not become so overwhelmed and surrounded by those who never intended anything good for me.

June 10, 1997 Journal entry:

‘I don’t write in code. I write so that I can read and not give up all my feelings but just enough.’ ‘How could I write in code when I haven’t the slightest idea as to all what has transpired? I don’t even know how I got here or how it all began.’

‘All I know is everyone knows what’s going down and all they can do is mislead, lie, and attack. I know something major went down and people continue to despise me. What? Why?’

‘I don’t see how leading me to believe that someone cares only to try to hurt me by saying that it’s not true. Don’t you know that it has been so long that I stopped looking for love years ago?’

‘I cried, not because I’m in love. I cried because I could see that once again, I met someone that I liked as a friend only to find out that his intentions were never positive for me. It was another opportunity for the ‘boys team’ to dog me or should I say try to dog me. He says that I treat him like he’s a punk but the truth is that he thinks that I am one.’

‘If they couldn’t do it what makes him think that he could. As each of them steps up, I know whether or not they are real. Sometimes I continue to play the game until I choose to leave them looking dumb for trying to play me.’

‘I cannot believe that no one can see…’

‘Sometime I wish I couldn’t see it in their faces while watching them plot on me and mine. I have an idea of what happened. I know that someone is going to a lot of extremes to mislead and hurt. They wasted a lot of time and money.’

‘I was lead to believe that each cared but it was a game. I would not have responded if it wasn’t for being bombarded with messages of concern and love. After the first week, I knew by the way people responded.’
‘If all the games was intended to do all this damage, so why don’t you do what you do best. I’ve heard some very creative stories. I don’t worry anymore because I know that if they don’t do right they will have to answer; even if they don’t believe.’

‘Nobody is innocent, we are all sinners and we are all gonna die! Watching people’s behavior, I can’t help but feel that some have already paid.’

‘I don’t trust anyone as far as I can through them and I may never again.’

‘I guess I was supposed to just lay there, sit down, be quiet and just take the abuse – NOT!’ ‘Although, I have been led to believe that I lost a lot by speaking my mind. I am satisfied that I stand up for what is right. There is a greater force to blame – not me. I was the instrument or scapegoat. Hell, I wasn’t supposed to survive (with my demise, so would their secrets go).’

‘I kept stuff to myself for too many years, biting my tongue. I don’t do it anymore.’ ‘I will continue to be me because I do not know any other way to be.’

‘If they know they can’t take it why do they press and squeeze. Who would have thought that my mouth could inflict such pain? They act like I hurt them (little ole me), they’ve got to be kidding. Why do they hide? Why the army? When will they stop wasting their time on me?’

‘What makes them think that they can hurt me? Surely by now they’ve got to be bored.’ ‘For them to tease me and say, ‘you gets no funds – is ridiculous. I have already been paid just not in cash but I am appeased. (I know that they liked that but what could I say, I was pissed).’
‘You’ve got to admit the tornado on my birthday was trip. (I think I was in the movies and missed the whole thing).  I know they were tripping. I guess I conjured that up too. Blame me for everything. You are so lucky that I can handle it. Alright, I will be the bad guy.’

‘Hundreds of thousands in damages but they don’t look at it as a situation that brought them together. I knew that it would be used as an excuse.’

‘Like it was told to me -They all know’, they continue to harden their hearts.’

‘It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that something should have and be done.’
‘Now, I am the Wicked Witch of the West. Dang, I am popular but not the way that I wanted to be.’ ‘No threat but I have faith that God does not approve. Not just for me but the others who never had a chance. I believe he is always watching out for me even when I’m too stupid or uninformed. I am not invincible but I know even in my death – amends must be made.’

‘I wish I knew who the mastermind is behind the vicious attacks. I wonder what their true motives are and why they are trying to play God. If there is so much corruption and everyone knows, why does it continue? Are people, as a whole, so hateful?          Hell yes, they are!!

‘If I were them I would get as far away from me as possible. I scare myself sometimes. Personally, don’t see how I do it – day to day; that is how I know that it is not just me and that I am not alone.’

‘One thing you must admit is that the scholars who wrote the Bible were not uneducated. Some verses are poetry. These were expressions; to be used in daily life as a guide. I have studied the Bible thoroughly for the better part of my life. The same things happened back then and they had problems too. It should be studied with the proper frame of mind.’

‘People lived longer back then and they seen a lot of things. We should be able to take from it, learn and grow. The Bible merits respect because the biblical stories and examples can serve as lessons. Humility should be practiced from the heart. How can you be humble while you try to hurt and judge someone else at the same time?’

‘When I finish growing up, I’m gonna be dangerous…’

‘They couldn’t live and be banished and exiled as I have. Why do they destroy what is different?’

All I can say to that is – WOW! They were hitting hard from every direction.  Even twenty years later, they come with the same crap.

August 29, 1997 Journal entry:

‘I am at peace when it comes to my decision to place relationships with the opposite sex on the back burner until I am completely sure that an individual will love me for me. As if anyone would want to endure this ridiculousness forced upon me.’ If I cannot find love, this just let me know that I have to rely on myself and not let the lack of love cloud my judgment or slow me down. All the technology or destructive criticism will not change how I feel about me. I know what I can do. I know my worth so I don’t and won’t prove myself to anyone. Just continue to judge what you think you see or hear. I will continue to grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually.’

August 31, 1997 Journal entry:

‘I’ve been thinking all day and I have come to the conclusion that most people enjoy starting trouble, spreading lies, and discrediting others.  I can only assume that it gives some a sense of importance. How come people ignore the truth and join in attacking and mocking others without first examining the situation? If you are not in a position to know all details, how can you join in suppressing?’

‘Is it simply out of ignorance or lack of education? Could it be that the majority just wants to fulfill their inner desire to belong? I still believe that it comes from within; maybe their own insecurities or personal shortcomings that make it easy to lash out at others.’

‘The need to belittle, confuse or distort the truth seems to be some people’s main goal in life.’

‘Everyone seems to be for sale, anything goes. People risk disease and early demise for a few moments of personal satisfaction or physical pleasure.’

Needless to say, I was trying to make sense of it all.

Not once in the history of mankind has the lamb jumped up on the altar to sacrifice itself.

September 2, 1997 Journal entry – (Incorrectly dated September 2, 1967):

‘I want to know where God is!’
‘Mankind knows that everything they create has a side effect and eventually their own creation turns on them in some way. Why keep messing with stuff?’
‘Why didn’t he just erase mankind and start over? Why let things continue like this way?’

‘I go on simply out of curiosity, shear meanness and anticipation for what’s coming.’
‘I ask myself constantly, Where do I belong…there’s no place that screams to me.’ ‘It seems to me like everyone is crazy or stupid. Where do I fall?

‘Life was much easier when I didn’t know half of this craziness existed. I guess that’s why some don’t want to see and the other half hates the Sleeper.’

‘I can’t help but wonder why and how Jehovah’s Witnesses existed so long worldwide and large in number. Many fall away or into pits where they can’t crawl out. Why don’t they educate the young members regarding everything about the world instead of separating them knowing that they are under siege? The young people represent you and are a reflection of you. You make them in your image. Don’t ask why they kill and destroy when you set the example. Society is to blame for all its degenerates.’ ‘This society breeds serial killers, rapist, thieves, etc…’

‘Why put half of the garbage on the new, run it 24 hours. Tell it all!

‘I am a realist. I need for someone to explain to me why I have to be subjected 24/7 to this unjustifiable attack on my spirit. Its murder; everyone has their hands on the trigger.’

Unfortunately, I had a momentary lapse in faith.

September 3, 1997 10:50 Journal entry – Anger X’s 10:

‘Was it supposed to get better with time?’ I think with each passing day, I detest this garbage more and more.’ ‘I got strangers all in my business. You should see how happy they get. Boy, do they smirk and grin, like anything I say will make matters worse.’ ‘Now, you have a real reason to be mad at me.’

‘First of all, you are right when you say that I don’t care. If I can say a few words that lead to hurt feelings and destroy people that easily, then maybe I shouldn’t be around them. But what I don’t understand is if everyone is so sensitive, then why do they attack and judge so harshly.’

‘So again, because people pretend to be hurt I am supposed to let people mistreat me with a smile?’ ‘Sorry but I don’t just fall over. I have been desensitized. If you attack my body well of course I am going to give you a mirror.’

‘The truth be told no one wanted to do anything right in the first place and will find any excuse to continue this madness.’ ‘Remember, I didn’t invite you.

This was during a time when everything I even thought about doing was not good enough. I had everyone I would interact with try to mistreat and abuse me. I went to put in an application for work, the lady at the desk was rude and nasty to me. Due to the fact that I had been through the ringer already, I was like the matrix and would shut them down for coming at me wrong.  Whatever I told that girl must have hurt her feelings but not to the extreme she took it to. She was an actress that burst into tears and went running out of the room. Once again, I was the villainess or the Dragon Lady. Later that day, this lady called me Trouble, I didn’t take it personal or start crying – not that my tears mattered.

September 3, 1997 2:00am Journal entry – Anger X’s 10:

‘My day went pretty good today or should I say yesterday went okay.’

‘I can’t sleep. It’s apparent to me that the games continue. I am tired of people invading my privacy – All in my mouth. I don’t know what point others are trying to stress. How can I be expected to be sweet and all that mushy stuff if all I get are games and lies? People have been trying to run games for the longest. I don’t believe jack they say, nor am I taken in by the misleading stories.’

‘Still, I am aware of every detail as far as what has transpired with me. I mean all the things that I have personally witnessed. I am unsure as to whom or what (which group) is truly responsible but I am sure that everyone else knows or at least they know what they have been told.’

‘I shouldn’t be forced to undergo all the garbage over and over again. I am sick of low life’s venting on me. Dang, I have made it perfectly clear that I don’t give a flying fart if I am not liked. The racist white people recently that have gone out of their way to call me a nigger doesn’t mean anything to me. I could care less and I don’t know why they take the time to assault me verbally. I think that they are ignorant losers.’

‘I am tired of people sending me messages about past loves, especially the hate filled messages. I don’t have to have a man in my bed to feel like I am alive. I wish people would get off that mess. Don’t expect me to give any kind of love or affection. Don’t expect me to feel worthless because you don’t know how to be men. I think that I have made myself clear and if not let me make sure that you understand.’

‘To blame me for whatever is going on is ridiculous. Again, I was at the crib chilling when all hell broke loose.’
‘I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t like any of you invading my privacy. I don’t need a babysitter. What you have done by denying me my rights and continuing to mock, dog me, steal and lie makes you less than.’

‘I know that you don’t care but eventually if God permits you to live long enough, you will.’

‘Let’s just say that there isn’t enough tissue to wipe my ass clean of you.’ ‘This is 1997 and this feels like the law means nothing, family means nothing, religion means nothing, and money is the only thing important to these people. By now someone or something should have ignited a conscience. There is no reason for this mess to continue. I can’t make an appointment without some strange occurrence where it is mysteriously cancelled. I can’t go anywhere without games.’

‘I am not leaving this planet. I got a lot of things to do first. Eventually, I will make it! I was born for it – bred right here in Detroit, Michigan U.S.A. They taught me well.

I guess that I’m finished writing for the night. I feel so liberated…I will catch you next time I let it build up. Disrespect and misery to you all! P.S. you’re lucky I am not a killer like you.’

I go on for pages and pages of angry outburst and obscenities. To be exiled and yet force to fight for scraps to survive is cruel.  I was very upset about being blamed and abused. I guess I needed to get it off my chest. I was angry all the time and feeling trapped as usual.

September 5, 1997 3:13 am Journal entry – Unprofessional Professors:

‘I was late today, it was my error and there was no one to blame but me.’ ‘I can accept a disapproving attitude; however, it is unprofessional to the smart comment and then turns his back on me and ignore me. Sure, all of them will do it but a continuous negative disposition confirms that I will not be given a chance. I dropped that fool’s class. He has a right to his opinion but his opinion is of no importance to me.’

‘This new teacher, A. is also or gives the impression that he is biased.’ ‘If I meet his class requirements he will have no choice but to grade me accordingly. He, too, makes it clear the he doesn’t want to be bothered with me either so when I have a question he throws me to someone else. At least he doesn’t try to make a point of embarrassing or being downright nasty. I will just stay out of his face and do my homework. Hell, it’s only 13 weeks.’

September 5, 1997 3:13 (cont.):

‘Prior to dropping J. Shirley’s class, he wasn’t happy with the thought of anyone making more money. He really put it on thick and clearly he was not a happy person.’

‘A. specified that teachers don’t make a lot of money. A teacher doesn’t have to limit themselves and they can own/run business along with other prospects.’

‘Everyone in admissions had an attitude of some kind towards me and went to talking about folks being crazy and someone made reference to someone not being able to be touched until after Monday.’ (‘Of course my attitude was…Whatever!’)

‘The spirit in the air is still divided but the nasty ones always surpass the positive spirit among most there.’ ‘I’ll be glad when these people get another chew toy.’

‘These adults kept making references to someone’s mother being hurt and mutilated over and over the same story. This was too many times to be coincidence plus the angry stares definitely lead me to believe that something happened. Remember, no one is telling me directly anything but they keep on wanting blood.’

‘Why try to discourage me from getting an education?’

September 5, 1997 3:13 (cont.):

‘When I left the class after recognizing that this was personal with him, I heard someone say, ‘see what you do.’

‘You are right; I don’t have to take overly abusive behavior from a teacher with no self-control. While he is playing the God of Revenge, I can be dealing with someone who is able to express themselves constructively.’

‘The problem is no one can relate to having people all up in your business everywhere that you go. I can take the little remarks even the general stories but is it necessary to be outside my window with their negative comments? Why would they take the time to mock and play? You would think that they have better things to do with their time, I guess they don’t. Should I go outside and applaud them for thinking they know something. I know that there is a wide variety and number of people involved with this nightmare – Passerby’s need to just get a life.’

This was after the incident that sent me spiraling into shock and after the police came to my door regarding a double homicide that I had nothing to do with. I would not have been anywhere near there nor would I have left my name on the scene. I shiver when I think back.

September 5, 1997 3:13 (cont.):

‘It’s ridiculous the way people clown. I can’t wait to look back on this craziness. Just out of curiosity, who would you as a whole support or encourage success? I don’t believe that none of the people around here would support or encourage anyone. The people that continuously walk past my window obviously think they are cute but I wouldn’t waste my time trying to bring someone’s spirit down.’
‘I keep a journal because I enjoy it. I don’t always have everything written in proper English or proper spelling but each entry gives off the attitude that I wish, expresses my feelings. It’s not for anyone to judge or criticize.’

‘When it’s time to change this I do but I like expressing myself this way. Am I supposed to run and hide, feel alienated, or be ashamed to be? Well I tried it, didn’t like it, so I say I’ll ignore until I can change it.’

‘All over the place, I am scorned for the least little thing that I do or say. Everything is blown all out of proportion.’

‘Why so much hate? I couldn’t have lived long enough to have these many enemies. I go to school and take care of my children. I don’t bother anyone. I treat people with the same level of kindness that they give. I will be glad when everyone grows up. They are just words, it’s not like words can jump off the page and then stab me to death but I don’t see the point of running around attacking people that say stuff I don’t like. It’s futile. Then I would be giving people an excuse to have me locked up.  Why do that when I can write my feelings down and forget them once I am finished. I, usually, feel better afterwards.’

‘I know all things have an end. I wish this would end soon. I will be glad when this passes or I can at least remove myself from the games.’

Looking back on this excerpt, I can’t help but be angry that I didn’t take the time to tell my side back then. I had always hoped to be in a better situation by now. There was always something seemingly more important or some major crisis that prevented me from writing down my theories of what was happening. I just wanted to leave Michigan because I resented the city that I grew up in would betray and throw me to the wolves. Cast out to cover up all the heinous acts. I am unsure but the only reason that I was not physically discarded (murdered) then is because someone knew that this would have been wrong. I was not responsible and that this was a farce.

‘I understand that the world doesn’t revolve around me. Every comment made is not directed towards me.’

‘I have accepted not having someone in my life because I know that they couldn’t handle the pressure that comes with me. How can people keep doing this? I am bored with their attempts but unsure of which direction is best. It is not like people will tell you, hell, they love it!’

People act like it is a game that requires their full and undivided attention. They use whatever justification they choose. Most of the time they listen to whomever the biggest, most popular person or group who sways the public with their version of events. Something like, ‘It’s her fault because she blamed me and of course usually neglecting to tell the whole truth.’ People in positions to ‘motivate’, usually requires more than any one person’s word. Whatever transpired was not solely due to any one person’s actions or words.

‘Why disregard my hard work? Would it have mattered if I had my degree? How could it, I researched the law and the industry. I did everything a person with a college degree would have done.’

‘If this is to protect me from the unknown, this is a joke. It seems like putting me on display is a punishment of some kind. The general public and industry people, this is not right, I didn’t think or dream that this could be happening in the 1990’s.’ People are allowed to withhold my hard earned cash and experiment on me and my family. Figuratively, people are being ‘sicked’ on me just like dogs.’

‘Since I know you cannot handle all what I have to say. I wouldn’t dare want to make you do anything more stupid than you’ve already done. To be such troublemakers, you all seem to be so sensitive. Don’t you think it is time to learn some new tricks? Why don’t you try rolling over and playing dead?’

‘This feels like hell literally, I wake up to this. I dream this. I smile but I am sick and disgusted. I see it ending but it seems so, so far away. These people know it is wrong but have convinced themselves that it’s justified. If this was to happen to them God knows what they would do. I guess this kind of power makes them feel like Gods. Careless, as long as it is not them. Still, I go on; head up.’

‘Sure, it could be worse but the difference between physical pain and emotional pain is that the physical wounds can heal. Emotional scars may never fully heal.’

‘If I had been given a choice I would have preferred the other, at least it would have come with sympathy, etc…’ ‘Emotional pain cannot be measured and the slightest memory could cause one to relive the terror.’

‘One good thing is that I have grown emotionally and mentally but I think I have been forced to grow up too fast. – Too much reality; way too fast. Without enough support or nurturing. Under these circumstances the average would have been taken under completely by the anger and frustration.’

‘Actually, this has only been allowed to scratch the surface. Sure I get pissed and go off but I do it in the privacy or what little privacy I have in my home.’
‘I used to think that if you behave and be nice, people would reciprocate. I have found out that if someone is going to treat you bad, there is nothing that you can say or do to prevent it. People are stubborn that way. If I was messed up beyond all recognition, would this be sufficient? Would this appease the evil ones? I think not. These people cannot be satisfied. If I was gone, they would only seek out the rest of my family. So, I choose to stay around and try to protect them to the best of my ability without sheltering them.’

‘It’s been years…what was their malfunction?’ ‘When I read last year’s journals, it cracks me up. I went from angry to sad to angry. Now, I am irritated and numb’
‘I am still trying desperately to find the motive for this and it seems to stem from revenge and greed.’

‘It’s wonderful to hear stories wherein the person is confronted with severe crisis and still survives with a positive outlook. The problem is that everyone still has those negative feelings and if they are not allowed to surface in a constructive way then it will eat away at you.’ ‘I believe this is what anxiety; smiling and speaking positively will not only kill your spirit eventually but will make you snap or cause physical problems.’ ‘I feel like a lot of people in my life have died. I have suffered a great loss. I have accepted that I cannot rely on others but when you spend your whole life being there for people, turning the other cheek, giving of yourself; your whole belief system dies when you are faced with the reality that nobody cares.’

‘It is easy to say, ‘it’s all in you’, or ‘Life is what you make it” or my favorite slogan, ‘You reap what you sow’. These are quick answers that don’t even touch the surface. The truth is that everything is manmade. Most trials and tribulations are usually the work of someone or group is behind it playing a game. It is perception.’

‘From my experience, I see abuse of position or power in most cases. If you do or say something that someone in power or position doesn’t like; you suffer the consequences.’

‘While listening to the radio – please tell me how the words, “You gonna die now,” fits into the radio stations format?’ It has been obvious to me for quite a while that they are trouble makers and instigators (Especially, 97.9).’

September 7, 1997 Journal entry – Subliminal(s):

‘I wouldn’t have half the thoughts that I have if it weren’t for the vindictive, vengeful people who make it their duty to keep repeating or speaking of the same events to me or around me.’

‘If I think something, I don’t know if it is true. I don’t know why I have dreams or what they mean.’

‘If the people that I do care about can’t hurt me…what makes you think that you can? Laugh on, little girl because you mean absolutely nothing to me.’
‘The people that I care about are either forced or feel compelled to mistreat me due to what has happened. The people who are close to me carry out the wishes of others or simply due to peer pressure and acceptance. I am aware that being my friend is impossible without ridicule and pressure. I don’t blame them completely because they are in fear, that’s why I am not as hard on them.’

September 9, 1997 Tuesday Journal entry:

‘I have talked with some church members and I have heard bits and pieces from some church leaders on the radio and television. There was one that I heard say mean and cruel things. One preacher spoke of a woman being passed around between male chauvinist making reference to sex and he was mean when he said it, like using fear and intimidation. Later, I heard him say recently in his commercial – God wants you to come back to him. I found his behavior to be contradictory. I have never been to church sermon but once for a funeral. It is important for me to feel the warmth and genuine spirit before I could attend a religious service. People are people and are only able to hide human nature for so long. There can be too much emphasis placed on monetary gifts and it seems as if the first thing addressed is a percentage of income for tithes.’ ‘I believe that people should not turn to God only when things are bad.’ People’s meanness towards me has truly hindered me and not to mention the fact that all these groups have done nothing to help. How can they turn a blind eye?’ ‘I cannot follow that and my faith in mankind has been shaken.’

‘I thought girlfriend from across the street was real in what she believed but it turned out that she was just as mean-spirited as the rest. She told me about some man who sexually assaulted her who is dead now but his son’s have taken over. Each conversation was uneasy, you know like the kind that makes you withdraw.’
‘That is probably why I don’t seek out friendships, they start off nice but always volunteers unwanted information and eventually becomes transparent.’

‘That girl said that she was paid to befriend me. She would take information back and forth. Each time I did or said something she didn’t like, she’d come with some mean truth. Sometimes she would be nice and then other times she would always be in some competition. I allowed her to be close to me and this is when I allowed her to set me up to get messed over. I was smoking weed at the time and didn’t want to use my own urine, why did I let her get it for me when I knew she was jealous and spiteful.’ ‘It turns out, she was run out of town too but she didn’t have time to pack. I think she messed over too many people.’ ‘As I continue to reflect, I remember her saying how she had screwed me out of something and laughing but whatever went down I know she didn’t fare well.’

I knew that she was low-down but now that I look back, that might have been one of the reasons why I wasn’t considered a threat.

‘I am harsh when it comes to expressing my opinions at times. I tied to spare people’s feelings but they had to keep pushing. Was this to see what kind of person I was? Or what I am capable of? Or was it simply to tear down?’
‘I guess I may never really know their true motives. I think that each have their reasons or justification.’

‘Well I am tired, I am going to sleep – hopefully, I won’t have a crazy dream tonight. My dreams contradict my whole essence. My subconscious seems to betray even me. Sometime when I am faced with danger, it is as if a warning or an awakening. This causes me to re-evaluate my wants and needs.’

‘I guess my note pads and journals have become my best friend – Keeping me on track – so to speak.’ ‘Solitude and isolation has been used as forms of torture but my journals relieves my mind and allow me to start and end where I choose. Beginning with one phrase to hours of jumbled thoughts and emotions, I can be me.’

September 11, 1997 2:30 Journal entry:

‘I don’t appreciate the changes or the games. The lies, misconceptions, deception, or whatever applies has been just pieces of one giant mess. I could see being subjected; if I had set out to conspire or participate in some heinous plot and things went haywire.’ ‘I was informed that even if I wanted or had a desire to participate in any group that I would be denied. I have never been an active member (openly or secretly) of any group besides my background as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.’

‘This mess should have been resolved long ago. Whoever or whatever did commit these atrocities was not with me, for me or on my behalf.’

‘Today, I saw five or six ambulances (separately) and one funeral procession; all within twenty minutes of travel. The ambulances have been a part of my daily view for quite some time now (more than I believe should be). I have lived in Detroit all my young life and never seen so many lurking. Is this coincidence? – Well if you say so, I guess it may be possible that I am being super sensitive.’

‘Time will reveal.’

‘Let me clarify my viewpoint. If I choose to look at a situation (whether accurate or inaccurate), I would not let another person’s views or allow fear of disappointing that person stop me from doing what I feel is important.’
‘Fear of disappointing is a form of control. No one will look out for you and your future better than you. Although some may have good intentions, the responsibility is your own.’ ‘Besides, a true friend does not impose their views on you.’

‘Music can be used to ignite memories; good and bad.’

‘Songs are designed to stimulate dreams and aspirations but they do not change facts. I am not delusional with regards to being able to distinguish between real or imagined. I am able to enjoy the moment; allowing music to relax my mind to soothe my soul.’

September 13, 1997 Journal entry:

‘Today, I saw a group of guys on a corner staring at me with the meanest looks on their faces and swinging a rake like a bat.’ ‘I don’t care if somebody is pissed. I feel that my attitude may be inciting more anger but I am pissed too.’
‘I know my ex-husband, Curtis, wouldn’t appreciate this but if he had stood up and did right the memories would have never come back. He seems happy but I just could trust him or anyone he is with. Their philosophy was that it is alright to hurt one to serve the needs of the greater, I guess even if it is your wife of ten years.’

‘I don’t think that he would hurt the kids but I don’t think that he is strong enough to stop anyone and I don’t think he needs to have them longer than 2 days at a time because he is nonchalant and careless.’

‘At the time, I should have investigated every crazy story that I heard; instead I didn’t want to know.’
‘If he didn’t do it, he let it happen because he doesn’t do anything for nobody except his boys. Curtis believed them lies but I never did. He must have thought that leaving me would make his life easier and he wouldn’t have to succumb to the pressures of being with me.’

‘People say that I have a bad attitude – I wonder why?’

‘I am cool people – what on earth could be their problem. The worst part, is the not knowing which enemy is more dangerous. I’d say that they are running really close.’

September 15, 1997 7:50PM Journal entry:

‘Today was long and exhausting. Most of my venting was done mentally so I am fresh out right now. I have released.’

‘I find myself less irritated when I keep busy. I found out that I have most of the influencing factors in suicide – I found it interesting; especially since it is the farthest thing from my mind. Yes, at one time I was mad enough to take a life but never my own. I would never act on that impulse either. I chose solitude instead of lashing out at others unless I felt that they went out of their way to harm me.’
‘This only assures me that I was correct when I stated that this was what I was being pressured into at one time but I know all things pass with time. That is why it is so hard to let go of the anger. It was like situations were being manipulated but I saw it for what it was. I am still anger because I believe that my suicide or staged suicide was the objective.’

‘Something is definitely going on up at that elementary school (Taylor Michigan) with Pierre. I know exactly where that principle is – she let me know the first day that I met her. Pierre should be stress free and I am going to get to the bottom of this. Something about that school frustrates him and his response is that the kids are his problem. I know that I will have to move again because I don’t think that the teachers are looking out for him. The last time that I was in the office, I got a bad vibe along with messages of anger and dislike was in the air. No one should be able to touch my children at school in any harmful way. It doesn’t matter if it is the teacher or other children, my children should not be subjective.’

‘If it is acceptable to break all kinds of laws and commit crimes against me, it is not unlikely that these animals could be allowed to harm my children.’

‘Besides, I had heard so many bad stories about pedophiles and I would rather keep my children close.’ ‘I don’t care how he smiles and pretends he is okay, headaches and sad eyes don’t lie. I don’t know if it his distress is caused by physical or emotional duress but I will be on their asses.’

‘The mental anguish is inexcusable. What about the children? I don’t care if you feel that I am over reacting or not. I have paid my dues over and over again.’
‘If things wasn’t so fouled up, I wouldn’t have to question the cause of my children jerking in their sleep, sleepwalking, and being frustrated.’ ‘It is not unlikely for me not to believe that people are taking things out on my children. They would not be scared to sleep alone or take baths without someone being in the room with them.’

All the while the public was joking and doing the same things that they do now.
It was all justified and everyone just thought it was hilarious to torture and hurt kids. That is why I detest most people who join in with this charade because just like the animals who torture children – this is what you stand for.

Most importantly, I will never respect what you because in my eyes you are guilty. All I have to say to those they say nobody cares is – watch your children. It is not a game. Everyone knows and it is not only alright but encouraged. You were not there.

‘Too many people know the real truth for me and my children to continue to be subjected. This mess has been manipulated and spread abroad for ridiculous reasons or none at all. I am trying to do this orderly and in a civil manner according to laws. Don’t doubt my ability to go the distance. Someone needs to fix this…I don’t care if it is written in crayon – there is no true justification for this.’
‘I am not asking for handouts – only to be counted like my vote was. People say that I don’t work. I have worked and worked and I have rights. Again, I could see it if I didn’t handle my business or if I got conned by some individual. I copyrighted all my works and still could not obtain representation. I consulted with attorneys’; reached out to civil rights groups, etc…’

September 16, 1997 Journal entry:

‘No matter how nice that you are, people still treat you any way they can justify.’

‘I am not keeping my feelings all bottled up. Everywhere I go there is some asshole; still I ignore. I cannot carry all this pressure and sit back helplessly and not affected.’

September 18, 1997 Journal entry:

‘Your efforts are as ridiculous as I may appear to you.’
‘I am not a witch or a black angel of death. Stop it, before you hurt my feelings.’
‘It is not in my nature to just lay still and be dogged quietly. No one should have to endure this.’

‘This is the first day in a long time that people actually smiled and talked to me. That would freak anyone out. I walked past these people and I don’t exist, get ignored or face hostile attitudes. Today they are sweet as pie. You would be scared too if people that you know dislike you, suddenly speak and smile. I speak back but it is an awkward situation – (Eeww). There is a problem with communication here.’
‘Please God, help me deal with this and make it stop because they are making me mean.’

‘I called my apartment complex to have the attic door lock fixed because you can travel between apartments. It is a safety hazard. I can’t believe this could happen, I thought that it was just an attic but this makes my privacy easy to invade. I didn’t see this as an unreasonable request.’
‘I didn’t think the ‘pony tailed prisoner joke was funny. Nor the half-naked dancer with the nervous condition was cute. Nor did I think the lady with the burnt face was funny. Nor was the marooned couple was funny.’

‘I definitely didn’t think the girl going to Las Vegas, NV to see the (2) two one eyed jacks was funny.’

‘Today, I was hit with so much negativity it was ridiculous. Then the day was followed by faces that used to frown were now smiling. I found this to be disturbing, especially when I hadn’t spoken to some of these people in a long time. What a performance!’ I don’t know what it going on but something is motivating this new spirit.’
‘Face to face, at least I didn’t get swamped with the hateful comments from strangers. They were Still and Quiet. No talking outside my window or passerby’s blasting those hate songs as they drove slowly by my home.’ ‘They definitely knew how to work the system.’

This was a vicious game that everyone played well. I still think that the sudden change was not for my benefit. I learned them just like they learned me.

September 19, 1997 Journal entry:

‘The most disturbing fact that I have to face is not racism or sexism alone, I have always known of their existence; however, it is the satisfaction in people’s eyes at other people’s dilemmas, the assistance of oppression and the encouragement of injustice’s that troubles me deeply.’

‘I watched from the beginning, before the chaos ensued, the pleasure on people’s faces as they helped initiate the problems. I read these materials to see what others had done in similar circumstance.’

‘Black people look on with hurting eyes and continue to place blame; yet, before your hateful words you smiled in anticipation – watching, encouraging and leading.’

I read in a college book, an article that reminding me of what is happening to me but this article is reference to political views on civil rights:

“Once America got past the initial shock and the disquieting turbulence of Civil Rights resistance in the streets, petitions for African American involvement have been routinely denied, ignored, or dismissed as whining appeals for special consideration on the basis of some nebulous notions of ‘victimization.’ America doesn’t want to hear about victimization, which, if recognized would imply some degree of moral or rational responsibility to help repair the damage.

What is new is that today the game is played with facility and sophistication, avoiding the graceless intimations of lapsed privileges, batter rights, or convoluted logic which characterizes the civil rights efforts at black participation in the American Dream.”

‘My problem is that I don’t fit in anywhere and I don’t appreciate having to be subjected to all the retaliation, sexism, and racism – for whatever their reasons.’

‘In order to appease all, I have been left to be subjected to continued abuse and oppression.’ ‘I was told long ago that some of the different groups involved would kill me if I profited at anything.’

‘Once again, the threat of taking something from me is useless because I know you and you take repeatedly hoping to control or punish. I have committed no crime that merits this kind of punishment.’ ‘I have gotten so used to you giving just so you can take.’ Try giving freedom, try restoring my privacy, try giving justice, and try paying damages.’

‘I do not know the extent of technology that is being used or who is actually behind it but I do know that it has the support of many. Why is technology used for bad or to harm?’

‘I seek knowledge and I have the need to make sense of all what has occurred’.

 Knowing all that has been presented but not completely accepted as fact:

Fact: A lot of people know exactly what has transpired and the unrealistic reasons behind them; yet, they turn their heads.

Fact: No one has attempted to assist in removing me from obvious threatening   situation.

Fact: Despite physical proof, people are trying to convince me that bullet holes and other tragedies are a figment of my imagination.

Fact: Experiencing blatant hatred from different groups.

Fact: People have encouraged and allowed this to escalate to a level that should have never been allowed to.

‘I can never look at people the same. I cannot continue to explain myself. One thing is certain; I have been left to carry a load that is too heavy for one to bear.’
‘For some reason, I don’t think there is a way for me to avoid their use of technology.’

‘I was murdered by the people for the people a long time ago.’

‘I am just going through the motions and lashing out like a ghost of an innocent victim at her would be assassins. The only reason that I am still here is for my children’s sake.’

‘I don’t give a dang how this is being orchestrated.’

‘If I had chosen to do something meager; yet, fulfilling, maybe I could have found the happiness that I truly deserve.’ ‘It seems that when you reach for the stars, you don’t recognize the fact that no one wants to look up to you – only down.’

‘So Bitter, So Young – is so true for me.’

September 20, 1997 Journal entry 12:00AM:

‘Once again, a ‘reason’ has been created or an ‘excuse’ to mistreat me. People say that I am predictable, you are too. It is not wrong to think or question things like this. Every family, group, etc…has someone or something undesirable about it. Besides, when you get called the ‘N’ word as often lately as I have been; you would have a right to question your surroundings and your mistreatment.’ ‘There is no pleasing any of you, so I will not try!’

‘What makes me and everything I say or do so utterly unforgivable that would merit having my character continuously assaulted?’ ‘When I didn’t read or ask questions, I was an idiot. Would you rather I just smiled at everything?’

‘I write and express myself so that I will not lose sight of what others have suggested and what I know for certain what has occurred. I write for my well-being, so that I don’t forget and thus never grow. Not for you or anyone else.’

‘If I can stand others feelings and judgments thrust upon me, why shouldn’t I be able to express my concerns?’

September 21, 1997 Journal entry:

‘The threat of being down with someone is not a threat; especially, knowing that events are still being manipulated in someone else’s favor.’

‘Yes, I heard the remark about copyrights. It’s all good. Just keep on sneaking and snaking (I had copyrights for all my songs and poor man’s copyrights too but it didn’t matter without having an attorney to represent – they declined).’

‘My reply – No, don’t thank me, I thank you to stay out of my business. I only went to the outing for my children to interact with other children instead of being stuck at home with the ‘sad and angry’ mother all the time.’

‘I couldn’t even go to an outing without some asshole trying to get under my skin with smart mocking statements. What could copyrights have to do with this outing? I wasn’t even thinking about none of my problems or even concentrating on what others were saying – there is always some jerk.’

‘Thoughts of me moving out of town seems to make some uncomfortable since everything seems so censored and controlled.’

‘Don’t expect me to be sweet and cooperative, knowing I have been denied my rights unjustly.’

‘People say they try but there is always some snakes sending little remarks and innuendo’s with personal messages or animosity. People are amused, entertained, and waits for their opportunity to get theirs off (their 15 minutes of fame).’

‘I try to tell my mother that most seem to loathe me but she claims she doesn’t see it. She implies that this is done as some kind of protection. I see it as a ‘free for all’ for haters. The kids loved the outing today, I guess that is what was important.’

After reviewing the many years that had past and the behavior of certain people, it is clear why people tend to hate. We live in a world where people have or are allowed to have very little for the most part. Everyone feels as if their roads have been hard and resents those that have.

Unfortunately, even some parents that have watched their dreams fade don’t want to see their children do better. I can understand how pain can change a person so it is easy to fall into that mindset. Crabs in a barrel is not just a saying used to shrug off societies conceived notions, it is so true. That is why; as individuals, we try to protect our dreams by not sharing them with others for the most part because we know that there are those who would love to see us fail. Why is it so important to have more than others? Is it not enough to just simply have? The word ‘Hater’ is not some made up slang word, it is the best way to summarize exactly the root cause behind the deliberate negative actions of someone that doesn’t like the fact that you may have more or do better.

September 22, 1997 Journal entry:

‘Maybe I am paying too close attention but all day everyone has been saying ‘See Ya’, could this have some meaning? (Wishfully), are you leaving out of my everyday business, removing all your tech toys, and calling off your dogs?’
‘All I could hope for was the thought of me leaving or being left alone to move on, having my privacy and freedom.’

‘People were confusing me again because I didn’t know anyone cared enough to say goodbye. As far as I knew, everyone either died or just turned their backs long ago. What was the point?’

‘I also got the ‘I told you so’ messages. I can’t believe that with all the people that I have helped in my life, no one was there to guide me properly but considering the level of this mess – I can’t help but understand.’

‘I had to take a crash course in Life (and I mean Crash)!’

‘I think that I have a better understanding of how things work but it is still illogical and inhumane to allow others to viciously attack those whom they choose. No logic or sensibility required.’

‘Everyone that knows me knows that the song titled ‘For you’ was my favorite song. Coincidence or not, these people on the music box played the song and then they all just started crack up laughing. Who cares what they were talking about; all I know is that they were being evil and sinister as usual.’ ‘I couldn’t help but wonder if they were teasing someone else.’

September 23, 1997 Journal entry:

‘Many years ago, I started off shy and scared to perform. Over time, I worked at changing my attitude, losing the shyness and replacing it with the ‘I think I can’ attitude until I was convinced of my abilities. However, my confidence was perceived as haughty or conceited.’

‘Defending myself against those who attempted to belittle or put down so that they could control. That was some old-school pimp-like mentality at work.’

‘I was happy and wanted people to take me serious while all along those who I thought would see my sincerity only saw my actions as an attempt to show them up.’

‘I had to get through a lot of people who never intended on doing the right thing. They only wanted to show that they had the power to suppress.’

‘I left situations because they were not healthy for me or they lied repeatedly.’
‘I worked with a lot but each time I had good intentions but I couldn’t make these people treat me like a human being. Some were already bitter from prior potential artist that had left or supposedly cut them out of deals and they treated me like I was one of them.’ ‘I never begged…I wanted to be down but not brought down by someone who wanted or expected to keep taking advantage.’ ‘I gave and gave but when nothing materialized – I left (anyone would have).’

I have never crossed a man who didn’t deserve it.

September 26, 1997 Journal entry:

‘I know that you can’t believe everything that you hear but every lie is mixed with a little truth. I remember that guard who tried to warn me with his eyes. He seemed familiar.’

It is humanly impossible for ‘little ole me’ to have orchestrated any deed(s) that would justify this mass hatred. It is clear to me that I was set up and feeling betrayed. Whatever happened to all those people, clearly it is being represented that it was my fault. My fault for others action, I don’t think so.

It is more like mass deception, orchestrated by multiple groups. I was lead to believe that the black people were powerless to fight back so they blamed me. The general stories told around me was that the music people seemed to be cleaning house and decided that it would be better if I was discredited so their crimes could covered. Just by the way the white people were treating me; they were already mad because of who my father was and what he was convicted of and probably from what happened to that couple in Redford.

These and most incidents, I believed was orchestrated to prevent any support and most tragedies are deliberate to inspire fear, or done to show just how evil this world is.  I was left alone with my messed up family; also, mad and blaming me for their tragedies. I tried to find justice from the courts, politicians, and the different civil rights groups but was ignored. I have copies of the letters and certified mail receipts that I sent to request help. I kept these so that I would never forget. I kept trying but was met with hostility. It seemed like I was where everyone wanted me to be – Limbo. Besides, how could I not pause for some of these events? It felt like a war was going on and I was knee deep in it. I never chose a side because from where I sat, they were all the same.

I couldn’t watch the news and still don’t because I feel it discriminates and disseminates. Information and disinformation, is their way.

One tragedy after another, lead me to not respond or react to the public. It was apparent that everyone had an ulterior motive. One thing was clear to me was the fact that most everyone wanted me dead. Each group manipulated for their own purposes.

Ultimately, creating a hostile environment caused me to isolate myself during these times and distrust all. Which was what most of them wanted, to keep me alienated.

October 5, 1997 Journal entry:

‘That plotting and scheming that was done to introduce or scheme others into thinking all that horrible stuff about me, sure it worked because others needed to have an excuse. I’ve watched it come back to the plotters, little by little. I don’t have to know who did what specifically but I have watched those close to me conspire and I see where they are suffering now. Eventually, their snaking woke me up and I corrected my flaws according to what I feel I needed to do.’
‘Going through my brothers and friends was real cute but as I stated many times, I learned and I excel by my standards…I have grown spiritually, mentally and emotional. I have also gotten to know you and your ways.’

‘Fact:  I won’t be down and surrounded by ‘NeNe Haters’ forever. I believe this in my heart. I have faith.

‘Thank god that I was used to not belonging or this may have destroyed me completely.’
‘My motivating force which kept me striving…was to be able to afford freedom from persecutors and to be able to lift up and move on to better.’

‘That’s strange – I recall hustling checks and fleeing across stateliness and not getting caught. But the minute I go legal and work hard at striving to do better, that’s when everyone has a problem. If I was a drugged up hooker or an abusive mom, I would be your best friend. Then you would have good use for me, huh?’
‘I remember people telling me for the last three years, “Oh, it’ll be alright.”
They lied, it only got worse.’

To this day, can you believe that they are still saying that garbage? Now it is my turn to tell them, “I KNOW it’s going to be alright – I am going to make sure!

October 16, 1997 Journal entry:

‘I am tired of people making me feel like I’m a burden or a problem or treating me like I deserve to be researched and tortured. I have been there for too many people for me to have no real help. I am not expecting miracles but the simple things are too much.’

‘She knows exactly what’s up; yet, just because she is powerless doesn’t mean it is okay to laugh and make fun of me.’ ‘She taunts and pretends that I am just tripping. I can’t spend my days tripping and I’m not going to spend my days sitting here just taking this mess. I don’t think running is always the answer but in this case staying here is only making it worse. I am lashing out at the majority, even though the majority is the problem I’m sick of the same people pressing.’

‘I don’t think so…I am not going to stop living and finding my pleasures just because some people want to play god.’

‘I’m going to keep struggling until I take care of my license, finish this semester, and attempt to fix my credit; then keep moving on or up (whichever comes first). I need closure in a lot of areas of my life. This has to be embedded in my mind – I must progress regardless of lack of assistance and lack of support. I cannot function without any contact. If I find that anyone in particularly is overly negative or inconsistent, I will have no problem disassociating myself. One day, I will get it right. You can’t keep happiness from me forever!’

 October 22, 1997 Journal entry:

‘’Variety and difference is the nature of this world. Contrast is everywhere. Opposites are a part of this world. You can’t have life without death, light without dark. People make it bad because of opposition to Nature’s way. You cannot exclude anything in particular because one without the other is unnatural. Imagine constant Daylight…Disastrous! A world without women…Empty.’

‘My point: Fighting me is like refusing the Sun – it’s here and it always returns.’

‘It’s not that I am ungrateful for the positive things in my life, I just don’t put much emphasis on things that can be taken away at the will of others. I can’t go around being grateful to everyone for everything. I enjoy while I can. Besides the negative things surpasses the positive, why? I don’t know. The negative seems to be a stronger force while the positive peeps up occasionally but always right on time. Except God, I never know who to thank but I feel a man’s hand being used. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to about the ‘boyfriend deficiency. I think it’s why I have strange dreams. I was told that this was supposed to be part of some punishment (manmade) where I am supposed to be alone. I have not helped either.’

October 23, 1997 Journal entry:

‘Why do certain thoughts come back continuously? Why do I long for things, and then run in fear? Maybe if I open up, – NAH! My fear of falling for mess keeps me from enjoying my life to the fullest. I do not want to know that I could have been a fool, so I believe I subconsciously lean on momentary hopeful thoughts or fairy tale endings that I know won’t come. They pass, I wake up.’

‘I believe that the truth in all aspects, are unbearable, therefore; I repress, regress but part of me wants to know the parts of the hidden truth. My mind wants to keep me sane, my heart wants to keep false reality and my body just wants to be satisfied.’

‘I wish these people who keep throwing these men in my face connecting them to my horrors would get to the point. I don’t have a guilty conscience because I did nothing and do not know what peoples problem’s are. On one hand, it is implied that they are dead, gay, incarcerated, then it is implied that he or they committed suicide or married.  After all the lies how could I possibly pick out of the blue sky which is true or not? Make up your minds. If the attempts are meant to make me associate them with pain or make me dislike please stop – your points have been well-noted. Let’s move on. Oh, but I forgot that since I haven’t been messing with anyone so you are stumped as to finding someone else to use to hurt.’

‘I will one day be able to block or ignore hurtful attempts better. I take one day at a time and I am pleased with my progress despite opposition. Thanks to the few good spirited people, thou few and scattered – they have helped immensely.’

‘Personally, I thought it was out of character for others not to carry out the threats. Some enjoy the hands on thrill of hurting and destroying.  Either way ‘I don’t care’ it’s the same…Slow or Fast. It took a long time for me to grasp the extent of this mess. I could have never accepted this all at once; slowly my mind reveals the degree of treachery. Let me guess, this is to save me from some horrible fate. Yeah right, like this is much better. This just prolongs the inevitable.’

October 24, 1997 Journal entry:

‘I can’t believe that I am supposed to follow rules from an invisible or unknown book in reference to a system wherein I mean nothing.’ ‘This little girl stated, ‘things will never change’ and she’s right for her they won’t.’

Chapter 16: Furthering my Education

I tried to progress by taking a few classes at the community college. I just thought that I could fit into society if I received a college degree. English 110 is a required course and so I decided that this would be a good start. It was September 1997; I was excited about going to classes or at least until I met my teacher. A., he was an asshole. I thought that his assignments were strange in that his papers were on discipline, cultural baggage, etc…

College Assignment: Two page Obituary and an Epitaph

On November 14, 1997, this fool had the class write a 2 two page obituary on ourselves and an epitaph. Of course, I completed his ridiculous assignment:

‘Finally Free-
Her spirit, strength and courage will live on.’

Tiwanda Gail Lovelace, born July 2, 1967. A gifted writer and artist, self-named – Ne Ne –Notoriously Executing New Era. She had dreams of filling the world with messages of love and hope.  – Stripped of her innocence, friends, family support, dreams, and now; her existence.

Tossed traded and abused for profit and the advancement of science. In her passing she has left her beloved children – Curtis Edward Lovelace, Jr., age 11 and Pierre Curtis Lovelace, age 9.

At the tender age of 30, finally she has been freed from her tormentors and those whom she commonly referred to as the ‘Ne Ne Haters’, never has one been hated by so many. Unable to remain untouched or unaffected by the wickedness that surrounded her, she reflected it like a mirror.

What a Jerk.

It would have been silly to believe that this was all done on my behalf, right? Anyway, I stuck with it and I was able to successfully complete the classes.

The young people are cute while at play. You can see the pride on their faces as they walk by, little do they know the world is waiting for them. Their only concern is their appearance and their friends. The adults sway along smiling at one another while their eyes tell the story. Most seem content and unbothered. Boy, do I remember those days.

The little girl behind me in class pretended to have confused me with the teacher – what a joke. She looked about my age but goofy. She could have kept that comment; I was only 30 at the time. However; years later, I attempted to go to school in Nevada there was always an issue with financial aid, obtaining books, and/or ensuring that all necessary documents were in place. I just got so distracted by the games and misinformation that I just stopped trying to go to that school. They played with a lot of people’s education and then they wonder why they have such a low graduation rate. The people in front are always lying or not providing all the information. Probably because you pay them minimum wage and they don’t want to help anyone else.

November 21, 1997 – Journal entry from ENG 110 class notes:

‘As a child, I watch adults read the newspapers, magazines, and watch the news on television. I thought surely they could never be wrong with so many faithful followers and devoted supporters. I believed everything written in these newspapers or magazines were written in blood oath. I believed that they could never be wrong or withhold information.’

‘Contrary to what I believed, I have learned that there are opposing viewpoints in every issue. Articles, books, magazines are filled with the writer’s personal opinions, substantiated by whatever evidence is deemed sufficient.’

‘I have found that some are influenced or manipulated, especially, with regards to big money issues. For instance, recently, many have spoken out against the tobacco industry stating that there are over 30 thirty chemicals and toxins inside cigarettes. I have been smoking cigarettes for a few years now and I had no knowledge of them containing anything other than tobacco and menthol.’
‘Information can be controlled; given or limited. Although some literature may deliver some pertinent information, there seems to always be the underlying question as to what or who is behind the position taken and who is affected.’

‘In many instances, the general public has been guided by informational sources taking many stands on different life changing issues. These positions are solely based on comments presented by so-called reputable sources. They never consider that it is possible for some facts to be withheld. Most simply accept.’
‘My views are not intended to inflame the public’s distrust in all media outlets; however, it is my intent to enlighten and encourage one to challenge information received prior to accepting it as truth.’

I can’t express how important it was for me to use rational thinking and deductive reasoning to survive. I never knew anyone was listening besides those whom I thought my oppressors.

Chapter 17: The Last Straw – Michigan

In January, 1998, my child’s nose was broken while at a Taylor elementary school with the teachers present. When I took him to the hospital frantic and alarmed, the doctor told me that it wasn’t a broken nose, ‘it’s just a deviated septum.’ Funny, I thought because that is the exact professional wording for a broken nose. Of course, I went to the school to let them know that I will not tolerate blatant abuse on my children. I will hurt anyone about mine.

I was told that the other child’s parents were home owners in the community and they had more rights basically and nothing was going to be done to that child.

Of course, I received a letter after the damage was done showing some concern. First of all, why were they still in same classroom? Secondly, why minimize situation by implying that I had a problem with them sitting too close. That child was never disciplined, suspended or anything.

In addition to medical records, I always keep some type of memorabilia or supporting documentation as proof.

Needless to say, I left Michigan completely shortly afterward with a whole different attitude toward public education. That is why when we moved to Las Vegas, NV, I removed my children from public school at the first sign of trouble. My son told me that one of his teachers used to stare at him with a mean face all the time in class. I had him removed from her class immediately.

I was once, wife, mother, and lyricist. As I looked back on my life, I couldn’t help but hear the snakes as they slithered by with comments combined with glares and hissing. The masses made sure I could feel their contempt. I had to fight for every piece of scrap from welfare, housing, and even the simple necessities.

Chapter 18: Life in Las Vegas NV

In 1998, I moved from Taylor, Michigan to sunny Las Vegas, NV. Previously, I would go to Vegas with my girls back in my fugitive years. I guess had my reasons when I first moved but this wasn’t my first choice. I had intended on moving to the west coast to get as far away from my troubles.

In the hopes of finding out if my situation was something that I could actually run away from. With my growing concern for my children’s safety and my own, it was necessary to think outside the box. Detroit was definitely closing in on us.

This was an attempt to start anew and at the same time, I was hoping to gain a better understanding of what was happening. I guess I secretly knew that there was a possibility that I would not survive this decision. Surprisingly, it was livable and sometimes enjoyable at first. I still had to try to predict possible outcomes and constantly prepare myself for anything. I had to try to be selective with some of the people I allowed in my life. I knew that I had enemies that would break their neck to remind me that my privacy was being violated. There is no way to go through life without making bad choices.

My first mistake in Las Vegas was Alaric H. He was dark brown-skinned, six feet, medium build. Trust me when I say that I wasn’t in love, in fact, I don’t think it was even possible for me to fall after what was done to me. Yet, I opened my mind to the thought of being human. Hell, I was still young and would allow my mind to believe that I could be intimate. His first visit to my home was awkward because I never trusted anyone to get close to me. I must have been feeling myself that day and was trying to figure out if I was going to even consider sleeping with him. Of course, I got the kids settled in and tucked away in there room. Since I had no furniture in my living room at the time, I invited House to sit and talk in my bedroom. I explained that the only reason why we were in my bedroom was because of the lack of seating and ensured him that I didn’t know him well enough to give it up.

He seemed interested and understanding as I scurried around the room pretending that I was a neat freak. Immediately after sitting on the end of my bed, I heard a muffled buzzing sound. Around this timeline most people had pagers, so I assumed that this was his pager. As I started to head toward the other side of the bed, I began to make small talk.  I asked him the standard questions; such as, ‘where he was from?’ ‘Was he seeing someone?’

Finally, I notice this grin on his face. I assumed it was his pager and so I asked him “So…umm, are you going to check your pager or what?” He looked at me smiling, then very calmly and politely said, “I don’t have a pager.” Then he added, “But I can tell you that I like you already.” It was then that I realized that I have left my vibrator at the bottom of the bed from the night before and that he had set it off when he sat down. Needless to say, I was totally embarrassed but I don’t know why I expected anything different.

 House seemed cool and really wasn’t the worst man that I dealt with but he was a hot mess. I found out later that he was seeing me and some other woman. I found out shortly after kicking it with him, that he married that same woman and then cheated on her with her sister after he ran through her money. Who knows if and what part of that hearsay was true but I was glad I never fell in love with him. It did bother me that he didn’t tell me himself.

I would take my breaks and avoid any relationships periodically. Someone told me years ago that women can’t sleep with men without developing feelings. I assure you that this is simply untrue! Heartbreak Hotel has really prepared me for the games but I still had needs. I met others but not a lot could touch me. Just knowing that this can be a tool; used to cause distress on a female looking for love and companionship is enough to deter.

 It is not that I don’t have feelings or that I am not capable of love. I just prioritize and I choose to not let it deceive me. I have established that my theory on ‘my situation’ is unequivocally correct. I have dissected the many possibilities and I am sure that this is my only recourse.

When I reflect on my single fun days, I think about Sherbet D. and Willie. At the time Sherbert was a much older man that was in his sixties, 5 feet 9 inches tall. He made me feel like he really loved me. He was always there for me. When I needed to get away, he would make it happen. I really enjoyed his company. I had to put my children first and I was always stressed. I was not ready.

Willie was over 6 feet 3 inches, solid muscle and big as a tree. He was from the country and had good manners. I could always count on him to treat me really well. He took me out and we even went to his home town. I actually felt normal for a brief moment in life. This was before every good and decent man that came near me would be chased off by someone. I was single and free or so I thought.

They both were really good to me. Being the headstrong, I was insistent on wanting to only be with someone who could help remove me from ‘my situation’ or in ‘my situation’.  I refused to settle down. I wouldn’t even allow myself to get close. I hate that I hurt those two by just walking away but it is futile to expect for someone else to be able to withstand.

Psycho was another short lived, hot mess (and yes, I gave them nicknames based on my viewpoint of them). I cursed him out really bad one night for coming to my house late at night. I am pretty sure he wants me dead too.

When I cuss you out, it is viciously unforgettable. UGH!!! No comment.

Leondre H. was 5 feet 10 inches or so with muscular build. He would’ve been a good fit – personality wise, if he had not been introduced to the ‘life’ at a very young age. I had never met a man who would literally converse. His spirit flowed through his words comfortably. We would laugh and talk all night. Drugs destroy lives, period.

Of course, I could have been viewed as an idiot to just let go in our bedroom because I was with a man that was taking care of me for whatever his reasons. I knew it would be the last time I would allow another to jerk my chain. I did everything I had always wanted to but it was used to humiliate and demean. He took care of me even though he was on drugs. He made it clear that he would never ask or offer them to me (not that I would have been able to be coerced).
I did what I had to do to remove myself. I worked two jobs to get my own once I accepted his addiction would always be first. Men and women do those things but I forgot I can’t be human. I never authorized any on-lookers or any kind of recording but I am sure I have been violated.
That fool put his hands on me. He is so lucky that I didn’t feel the need to retaliate against him and catch him sleeping with some crazy glue (sike). He is forgiven but I never want to see him again.

I always used protection, unless I was in a relationship and sometimes even then. That wait time for results is nerve racking. It is always better to be safe than sorry. I hated having to spend the time watching their asses to make sure they don’t slip it off or break the condom. Some of them are sneaky busters do not even like their selves and could care even less for you.

Literally, I think that’s enough of that because I have not engaged in any sexual activity in years. I don’t even consider the thoughts of putting myself through the games. It is not humanly possible for anyone to handle all of what ‘my situation’ brings and have a successful relationship. There is no room for egos, pride, and selfishness.

Lack of privacy, constant ridicule, harassment, and oppression is what you would be forced to endure unless you would allow your position in ‘my situation’ to be used to hinder.

 NOONE would be willing to endure any of this voluntarily!! Love is not the cure all. So why would I trust them to do anything that doesn’t help them.

Chapter 19: Georgia: The Return

In March 2003, I tried to leave Las Vegas, NV for good. I moved back to Georgia in the hopes of starting anew.

 As soon as I arrived, I found out that my apartment was not ready and I soon ran out of money. I was forced to try to obtain temporary assistance for shelter. The agency that I went to was supposed to help but I had this evil lady who kept hinting that she doesn’t like it when people move here and take jobs from locals.

Anyway she pretended to be helpful and told me that she would send over a voucher for a stay in some hotel. I was instructed to catch the tram and all that I would have to do show my identification.

Upon my arrival, I was advised that they never received any voucher for my stay. I was devastated at the thought of having to sleep outside. Their offices were closed and I was in shock that the lady could really mislead me like that. The shelter had already stated that my sons were too old to sleep with me there and that they would have to sleep in the men’s shelter. We know that this would never happen.

So now I am dragging suit cases and two children back to the train station. I found us a bench and placed my children on the bench while I stood watch overnight with a large knife in my hand just in case.

I should have known that you can’t step up and try to save yourself when your oppressor’s are as big as they are. If it was alright for me to have experienced all those horrific acts, I should have known that these evil wicked people would not think twice about hurting children.

The next day, I was at her door pissed off; no, that wasn’t me that put the feces (literally) on the door.

How could she conspire to deliberately subject a single mother and her children to the night? I hope that they made her clean that up too.

 Keep in mind; I was a fugitive for over five years for a theft case I had there.  I knew that I needed to address that Georgia warrant issued May 19, 1993 for probation violation. By leaving Georgia and fleeing to Michigan, I became one of Detroit’s Most Wanted. I had the feds looking for me for years but something tells me that Detroit police knew where I was all along.

This warrant should have never been requested by K. Funny because I was reporting as directed and in accordance with Courts instruction. I had been given the First Offender’s Act, which was supposed to enable me the opportunity to honestly say that I have never been convicted of a felony. This was contingent on me not committing any other crimes.

I have a letter dated August 2, 1993, from Detroit Probation confirming that I was reporting as directed. I had transcript that says that if I couldn’t pay the restitution that this would not be cause to issue warrant. Funny was funny to obtain a warrant without even serving me or providing notice to myself and Detroit’s Probation.

This warrant had prevented any real means to provide for my family. I had job after job taken due to this warrant. The plan was definitely working to keep me from having anything. I was trapped by the best.

I found out that even though I had only two incidents with the law – simple battery and theft. My CJIS-GCIC (Criminal Justice Information Services Division shows a total of (5) five arrest.

I had sent multiple request and correspondents to have this corrected and the warrant quashed but I received no response.

This time I had no intentions on having my rights violated and not be prepared properly. I would read similar cases and study up on all related laws and legal proceedings. I would spend hours reading until it became a part of me. I wrote and rewrote my complaints until all emotional references were removed. I removed all feelings from the situation. I focused solely on the facts and my documentation.

I wanted to see if the ‘powers that be’ could blatantly continue to deny my civil rights.
On March 11, 2003, I had covered all my concerns and presented my case against Dekalb County Police Department and Board of Corrections, Dekalb Central Probation Department for violating my rights to due process, their failure to obey Georgia statutes and court rules.
This case was originally was assigned to Judge Jack T. Camp, I thought it was amusing (Jack T- or am I looking too much into that?). All the while the clerk’s office was undermining my attempt at justice by not provided ALL my court documents and were excluding some of my request. I followed each entry on Pacer court records.

Although, I was a wreck from stress and distressed from having to be stuck in the Lion’s den. Once again, I was fighting ‘the system’, who I believed was abusing their position to keep me under foot.

At any time they could have rushed my home and placed me under arrest and took my children due to that faulty warrant. Then this case was reassigned to Judge William S. Duffey, who dismissed my case too for some crappy made up reason.

I can say that not too long after, finally I was able to get a public defender to have that warrant and that case closed. They knew that I was on point with my allegations but they didn’t want to pay a judgment for it; as usual. It is forbidden for me to ever have anything.

I am being punished for ‘poking the (giant) bears’ so to speak. The fact is that I would have never gone there if I was not thrown to the wolves as if I was this ‘murderous villainous’ capable of the world worst acts.

 As long as I am continually poked, prodded, alienated, and harassed by everyone whose path I cross, I will not let it go – I can’t because these gangs of people are still seeking revenge. At every turn, I have tried to humble myself, work with others, be a good person, and even acknowledge others pain.

Just to give you an idea of what I am trying to express, this man was telling me all his problems but the second I opened my mouth he was making that ‘violin on the shoulder’ gesture as if to say cry a river. I thought he was hilarious because he was the one wanting sympathy.
I just want to be left alone and compensated for all the years of abuse and violation my civil rights. I need to be in a situation where I don’t have to be subjected to the public and all those who are in a position to harm and continue to violate my privacy.

Things happen all the time around us and to us individually but this is too much dirt to have happened to just be coincidence. I have been forced to fight for every piece of scrap. I have had to fight the welfare office back in the day, literally every month. I had to fight Dept. of Housing’s Section 8 housing office and case worker Robin Diaz Mendez repeated at every turn. Finally, they won and with the co-operation of Georgia’s illegal warrant – they successfully were able to take my housing assistance.

Forced into homelessness but at least my children were almost grown. To this day my son thinks that I abandoned him. They were working and had gotten approved for an apartment but their employer – Station Casinos kept messing up their checks by shorting them. They asked me not to get involved so I respected their wishes.

Their checks were shorted repeatedly but still they didn’t want their mother to get involved. They lost their place and I didn’t want them to see that I had gotten caught up with a man that was using drugs. I didn’t know he was using until I had moved in with him. I didn’t want them to see that. I had no money, no job and no Section 8.

I have pages and pages of each instance; where if it wasn’t a form missing, documents lost, or some ridiculous reason to threaten my assistance. They would laugh as they worked to keep me down. I had to take a hammer with me to take out the trash when I lived in one bad neighborhood. It is always some crazy events happening.

With all the negativity against me, I am surprised that people don’t just get it right the first time. Just be right sometimes, dang. Don’t get mad because I see you for what you are! These are unnatural occurrences and this entire situation is unnatural and will only bring more bad. I will be alone and dead before I let you use another person to weaken me and my resolve to correct these atrocities. I have sacrificed enough of my years to being a victim. I will not just sit and do nothing anymore.

Chapter 20:  Twenty years later – 2012

The people that have been unleashed on me won’t let me let it go. Twenty years is way too long to hope for decency.

I have never given permission; verbal, written, or otherwise, for my privacy to be violated or for me to be placed on public display.  To reiterate, throughout the years attempted to end, stop, and obtain freedom from the injustice of it all. The courts have failed me, even though I know that this is a violation of my civil rights.

Even if I feel as if religion has failed me, I still believe in God. Love has failed me. People have failed me but I continue to strive for a life without the despair of it all. I have learned to function without a lot of things. I have learned to adjust but it sickens me the way people behave sometimes. Don’t waste your time judging me when you have so much to do yourself to improve.

Trust, it is not me that won’t let go of the past! The past for most people… is their present and it is reflected by response(s). Oppression by any means necessary.

What really pisses me off about all my family is that they know what happened and what is happening to me and could care less. I can tell by their comments and actions that they are not in support of any real progress for me.

I thought about supporting her when that happened to her but I was discouraged and when I thought about everyone’s response to me and my brutal treatment. I was excluded and discarded. My mother and family have full knowledge but refuse to acknowledge the real problem. My mother should have been right and not let her feelings for my father interfere with doing the right thing.

I meant what I said and I am pissed. Twenty years pissed. How long before you go numb?
Finally, I have cut off ALL contact with my family members except Darryl. I am still very careful regarding him being a part of my life. His mother and her golden children may believe that this is temporary but I assure you that I am definitely finished. I have given them too many opportunities to be decent but they are incapable. I am done being civil and decent. They can kick rocks with that mess. Instead of the ‘I love you’ ‘ I love you not’ – How about I LOVE YOU NOT and you keep that fake stuff!!!

I have made it clear that I am so done and outdone with them.

I hoped for nearly 20 years for some type of lasting decency, any opportunity for advancement, and freedom from my oppression but to no avail. The only thing I was allowed was for menial temporary jobs periodically or that is until some manmade incident which always led to job loss followed by homelessness. A person that has 10+ years of experience in call centers positions and fully capable of supervising but is constantly forced to accept entry-level positions.

Overlooked for management positions even though crossed trained in three different departments and replaced by inexperienced workers solely due to who she is. It is always some convenient car accident or some unnatural mishap.

Once again, I am forced to endure all the slighted comments seemingly directed towards me. I can’t help but ask ‘what do they get out of it?’ Is there some kind of wicked pleasure that comes from harassing an individual? Whatever!! I have come a long way from that scared, teary eyed, trembling little person but I don’t know if the angry person that I have become can ever truly trust another fully again. I am constantly reminded of the events that transpired.
Without fail, periodically, I can feel the treachery like quiet before the storm.

It would be unheard for the group responsible for the true atrocities to step up and accept responsibility for their actions. I’m pretty sure they are telling a different story and would never admit that there greed, pride and their own actions has led to all the horrific events that are presented to be my fault. You know the Big Bad Ne Ne who masterminded her own destruction.

Yeah, right. Cowards!!

This and every incident and tragedy could have been avoided if there was any kind of decency at the start. This was planned and even when their plans went bad; this could have easily been fixed. But No, ‘they’ had to compile the situation by adding some violence, misinformation, and brutalization. Then this whole disgrace of a mess just got out of control. Then you violated my civil rights to continue this charade.

At least they were able to choose. If someone had asked then maybe I could have warned them that I was no fun. Part of the reasons why I kept it moving in most cases was that I knew in each case what would work for me. By allowing this type of injustice to be so widespread, this leads to widespread hopelessness, loss of faith in this system, more drug users, more crime and a whole lot of victims. Just seeing people who would never do some of these heinous acts suddenly change and view these acts as acceptable is numbing. It saddened my spirit to see people willing to sacrifice loved ones for whatever short-lived pleasure or justification. It’s like confirming that your civil rights can be taken away at a whim.

Anyone can be violated, especially your poor and unloved individuals. If someone gives a hoot, make sure a picture is painted to vilify, victimize, and discredit. Place this individual in situations so that we can continue to dehumanize without explanations. Lock them up, set them up, and get rid of them for having the gall to say something.

Being surrounded by godless, wicked people has definitely has an effect on me.  One of the reasons why I am withdrawn is due to the constant backstabbing. People love to join in for bad but ask them to do something positive and the cowering pussies can’t seem to do it. The average person couldn’t imagine having everyone turn on them and conspire to hurt and hinder. The loud ones that break their necks to be seen are the worst jokes. If you can’t stand by yourself, then just stay seated. The nightmare continues…

November 13, 2012 -5:00 AM Journal entries:

‘How much blood do they have on their hands already? If I recall correctly, this is the same behavior that led/leads to tragedies. They are funny to me. This (attack on queue) has been done about 80 times. What a grand performance!! They must be so proud. I give it a 2 for effort. Cities lashed out at me – plural. Everything has already been done. I know that you hear me, see me, and feel me so kick rocks.’

This was the week that it was necessary to group-antagonize me. I guess this was to incite fear and distress. This is always followed by the actions that say, ‘I have no idea of what could possibly be wrong’ or ‘whatever do you mean’?

This is hilarious; especially, when I could care less about what they say. Speak or don’t speak. It matters not. I expect you to do the same things that the others in my life have. My favorite game, ‘I love you, I love you not.’ This is supposed to send me spiraling into some deep depression or get me so riled up that I give myself a heart attack.

November 18, 2012 -12:32pm Journal entry:

‘As I tried to relax and finish my laundry that I was unable to complete (due to lack of funds), I was listening to some music to sooth the beast. I was letting my mind wander and I guess someone must have peeped in to see me smiling for a change and decide that this was not a desired reaction.’ ‘What’s strange is that I understand that I will be alone and I am okay with this but I guess I needed a reminder because I received an email from Redbox marketing offering a free movie with the purchase of energizer batteries. Coincidentally, humorous I thought.’ ‘My life is filled with a lot of coincidences that I have learned to not place any significance.’ ‘Hell, I have bigger concerns to focus on. So when the passerby tells me to ‘just die’ or exclaims ‘ugh’; I laugh because they don’t matter. Besides they need to be careful what they put out because it comes back. Not to mention the line that she has to get in, they don’t like it when people take cuts. I am always ready to defend myself.’

I have definitely been in a mood due to the constant crap. I am firm on my decision to disassociate myself from my mother’s family. I am certain that the farce can no longer be kept up. I can only ignore so much fakeness. Any feelings that I may have had are just not there anymore. Love does fade when it is not reciprocated. I just don’t care to play the game with them anymore. I was surprised when I was able to express my feelings but not disrespect. I know that they blame me for all the bad things that have happened just like the others. I gave them nearly (20) twenty years and all they want is for me to die too. Well I say kick rocks!! Beat it!! I dislike them the most because everything they did was deliberate and treacherous.

I will not pretend like all is good and that the world is a beautiful place because it is not. I don’t want to hear any words because I have all the words that I need. I know most of what has happened and enough to know that this is not my fault. I am one person caught up in this nightmare and the powers that be have seeming allow or orchestrated. With all the money that has been lost, spent and stolen to procure this façade, this should have been stopped long ago.
Oh, that’s right you thought that the people that have been brainwashed into blaming me would have taken care of your light work by now. Or maybe you thought that I would have been swallowed up by the drug life or some type of criminal activity since you know the scraps you present are not enough. Or maybe you thought that I would be stupid enough to take away the life that God has given me for your treachery. I think not.

I wouldn’t want to miss a thing.  I look forward to a better time in my life where I can be content and relaxed. I will not let them take away my hope. I believe enough for the whole world. So let them hate. Let them remember that this can happen to any of them.

November 19, 2012 -12:32pm Journal entry – Politics:

‘I am a registered voter and I have voted in the last 5-6 elections. I have made it a point to maintain employment. I understand that everything worthwhile has to be worked for. How come I have no right to privacy? How come I have not received any explanation for public display? It’s not what you know – It’s who you know, at least in most cases.’

‘I have written politicians, hell, I even wrote the first Lady and the President but no response.’

‘People believe lies when they want to believe the lies and use them as justification.’ ‘Besides, if my civil rights were not being violated a lot of the events that transpired probably would not have come to pass.’

‘Out of respect for each tragic incident, knowing that no one deserves to die of unnatural causes, I quieted my pleas temporarily. Unlike some to the wicked ones that I have come across, I don’t take pleasure in the death of others. Even in my darkest days, I only wished for people to get back what they give. I prayed for instant karma.’

In my opinion, it seemed fitting being that I was only one person up against many who pressed for me to surrender my life. Twisted with rage and anger, it was what I thought would be the best way to fight back. I knew that the heart of man was bad –all the time or at least that is what I was taught. However, people continue to make their choices. They would decide to set up, gang up, and stand true to form with Man’s Inhumanity to Man! Just like throughout history, they would carry their pitchfork, clubs, knives and weapons. They wanted blood, to crucify someone. Choices have consequences, not just for me.’
‘We have our will. In most cases, we choose.’

I know that in the beginning of this book I provided some background information regarding my parent’s background. In an effort to try not to judge, I have always maintained that I am not prejudice. I have accepted that all people can be capable of the same heinous acts. I have also come to the realization that one individual’s actions cannot represent a whole race.

I have previously acknowledged the different races of people that have expressed their views regarding my ‘situation.’ Being judged by various groups can definitely take its toll after decades of wandering aimlessly in the dark. Of course, there have been instances where it was clear of each group that they had an agenda.

When you are faced with having to gather your information from your personal experiences, disseminating between your perception and others views; it can be difficult to see the whole picture.

When you are in a dark hell, it is hard to see anything but the fire consuming you.  If it wasn’t for the isolation, constant digging and reading research I would have been unable to see what was under my nose the whole time. I guess I just didn’t want to accept it.

I had considered that this was definitely some type of revenge. It is definitely possible that this whole situation stemmed from all the chaos and racism that has and still controls this system behind the scenes.

Prior to the 1967 Detroit Riots, there were multiple reports of racial tensions that led up to that event. There were several instances where different groups were attempting to address the social injustices.

My father was no more than twenty-one years old in a time where there were no jobs for young black men. There were many reports of young black men who were involved in addressing social conditions were being subjected to civil rights violations and that were charged with crimes they didn’t commit.   Prior to this event my father’s had one larceny – burglary but no violent crimes.
There is something that just does not sound right in the way that the crime scene was described by an officer, as ‘suspect shot victim seven times in the back.’ Then a manhunt ensued, suspect that was allegedly responsible for shooting a victim seven times; yet, accidently shot and killed himself while resisting arrest.

There are different versions of what happened; one story stated wife was present in bar, other version says Rapaski and four others were in the Cherry Hill bar that night on January 10, 1969. In one version, secret witness supposedly gave names of suspects. Another version says my father turned himself in the next day, while other information says he turned himself in three days later due to manhunt.

The officer that was shot and killed had a wife and five children along with the full support of the Detroit police department. I discovered that more than one of the slain officer’s relatives is a Neurosurgeon and Dentist. I can’t help but wonder if the fact that he is Jewish had anything to do with my mother being unable to obtain steady work besides cleaning houses. My grandmother dedicated decades of kitchen service at Esquire, the Jewish delicatessen and trust me she expressed her dislike. Even after working for 28 years, they tried to deny her retirement because they were not reporting her income.

As I expressed my feelings of despair throughout this Journal, I spoke of how she used to cry daily from what I can only describe as similar events. I would not presume to think that an entire race would contribute to enslaving families but it would appear that there is a lot of abuse of power and positions being used to control blatant atrocities. Again, I may not know all that has transpired with others but ‘my world’ that I see does not consider me as a human being with rights. I learned the hard way that human nature will always prevail.

During that time when police brutality was at its highest, Governor George W. Romney called in the military and encouraged toughness to gain control. It would appear that hidden beneath the façade of freedom is that each generation of leaders continues to support the past. First Bush Sr., started conflict, and then Bush Jr.’s presence incited war but nothing ever changes for the people. Regardless, what you may think slavery still exist for some even in the year 2013.

I guess it is okay as long as the perpetrators can keep every blaming the front men (who they choose) while we stay hidden.  Using brute force, threats, intimidation and all their resources; such as, the law, limiting jobs, television and radio to launch hate campaigns. Why not? They own it. The music business itself is a tool. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see past the deliberate confusion before I chose my friends.

Chapter 21: Friends or Foes

I have cut off association from the few people I used to associate with. In fact, I have deliberately left some of their names out of this book because if it was easy for them to turn their backs on me then I can easily forget them as well. I believe this to be best for me. I still interact with people but always expecting some sort of judgmental or sarcastic remarks.

Most treat me as if I allow this nightmare to continue and that there is something that I can do to stop this. Some believe that I am ‘special’ but I assure you – I have good sense. Some say or insinuate that I should sue, fight, go to this person or this group….but the fact is I have done all those things to remove myself from this ridiculous form of living. Sometimes I am truly in disbelief that this is really happening but of course someone will always remind me.

The powers that be refuse to even acknowledge the existence of any wrong doing. Lawyers won’t even respond, even when I obtain legal representation in simple matters. I have been in more than one car accident, both where I was not at fault but they have failed to produce any results. I could not even get my medical bills paid with legal assistance.  Meanwhile, others are involved in automobile accidents and handle the case themselves and obtain decent results.
It is funny how some conveniently are able to obtain assistance or some kind of justice in this world; such as in these cases below:

1. Strip-Search Case Victim Awarded $6.1 Million – ABC News
abcnews.go.com › 20/20Share. Oct 5, 2006 – Million Award for McDonald’s Employee   Strip-Searched in Hoax. … An 18-year-old McDonald’s employee, was humiliated

2. Some Good “Lawyering” Returns $3.3 Million in Harassment Case
http://www.lawyersandsettlements.com › Lawyer Interviews Share: Apr 21, 2011 – In 2006, Kyme Dang was working as a hairstylist… Barry Hankerson.

My favorite line was, Some Good “Lawyering”; that is hilarious. It is not my intent to minimize anyone’s pain but I suffer for decades (open and publicly) and I couldn’t get welfare without catching hell; least of all justice.

I fought back using the only way that I could by listing these cases in my blog along with this:

3.  Victims of Music Business/Civil Rights Violations!!!
Decades to present 2013
No Day in Court, no settlement; however, you may have your choice of: a convenient         tragedy, threats, public display, and even incarceration or if you don’t submit
– All of the above.

I didn’t ask for this nor was I asked or told anything regarding the reason for public display or deliberate mistreatment. Blogger.com @ http://musicbizadirtygame.blogspot.com/

Seven West Productions by Tiwanda Lovelace – Thursday March 19, 2013

I also use: sevenwestproductions.com/ and http://7westpublishing.com.

I have been homeless on several occasions and have had so many jobs taken without true justification. I had one supervisor tell me that it was coming from the big bosses and that he had nothing to do with it. On one interview, I had one them interviewers make reference to someone feeling entitled. When an interviewer, who is not looking at you while they ask questions (with their back towards you); this usually means you will not get the job. It’s funny because I may have had more experience than him.

I just had a good cry (again) for the fifty-millionth time. I think its best that if I have to be alone in this – I have to be alone in this. I can’t continue to allow my emotions, hurt and pain to have this immobilizing effect on me. More than anything that is being done to me silently and slyly; the mistreatment and causality of the family’s response are more alarming. I truly dislike the person that I have been forced to become.

So I try to remind those that ‘think they know’ and that takes a stance against me on behalf of the real ‘monster(s)’ that sits back allowing blame to be placed where it shouldn’t; they have no clue.  These individuals were well aware of the repercussions of their actions. They were up to speed and fully committed to their decisions. This is why it is so important to be careful how you move. I may not have all the answers but it is clear of one thing, I am the missing link to all those awful stories I was forced to hear about.

‘They planted seeds so they hatched.’

December 4, 2012 Journal entry – The Break:

I have decided to take a break from this mess. I never count my eggs till they hatch. I can forgive but never forget and forgiving does not mean let it happen again.

Loraine with the blonde weave was a one of the few people that I allowed close to me when I first moved to Las Vegas, NV. She bragged about getting ready to come into millions and was going on about not being able to tell me details but they were about to be straight. One of her sons went to school with my sons and her daughters, Sarina ended up moving from California to Las Vegas too.

Then less a year later, conveniently, I ended up working with one of her daughters. I can only wonder if this one ‘the spouse’ of one of them that is supposedly connected to possible other parties affected back in the late nineties. I had heard that their intentions were to avenge or retaliate against me for allegedly lying on Powell and others, (one of their big figures in their community in Detroit). I assure you that I kept written records, time stamped journals and signed paperwork regarding what happened to me. If it walks like a duck, quake like a duck then it is a duck. Simply having more family, friends and supporters does not make your or your people’s actions justifiable. Even with proof, no one listened to me. They continued to justify their actions.

Sarina, who I gave the name Ugly1 (solely due to her behavior towards me)? Unfortunately, she tried very hard to come at me trying to belittle me. She went so far as to make reference to my writing by saying that no one cares. My writing had nothing to do with her and I never discussed my book verbally at work. Then the same day, her girlfriend (Ugly 2) walked by my desk and uttered, ‘Just die.’ Both of them had no clue that I would mash their little feelings. I wasn’t even trying to hit her so hard but I have been doing this too long. I could feel the tension in the room to the point where I had them ready to shoot me in my face. Oh well, mitches should get in line.

The other co-workers were mocking me by calling me ‘your highness.’ Others were grouped up and staring at me repeating the words – Raped, molested, etc… I had heard all that before so my response was ‘whatever’ and I also used the other words for ‘bite me.’ I guess I was supposed to run in fear because half of the call center was acting a fool towards me. I already know that it is common to get raped in your own home while you sleep.

Keep in mind that these were the same people that were very friendly at first.
In each instance, the messages were clear and the odds of the topic being the same are almost impossible to be considered a coincidence. I still held fast to my belief that this nightmare would soon be over. I wanted so badly to put this torture to rest.

I wanted to know what true privacy felt like again (if I ever had any privacy). I knew not to just walk away from my responsibilities. Besides, I believe in one having other streams of income.

I believed that I truly deserve to be free and have the same civil rights promised by the constitution that is allotted to so many. I have been subjected to people being ‘sicked’ on me like dogs after a bone. Repeatedly, subjected to deliberate persecution and oppressed for decades and you question why I should be compensated for this injustice. You ask why me as you help encourage these atrocities.

All of them lied to protect themselves, using status and their positions on both sides. I was caught in middle and neither side wants fixed. Which is why, I keep getting comments, ‘why be?’ and ‘just die.’

Most importantly, the victims & their friends & family of all this carnage has been screwing me, my child and now my grandchild like it’s my fault while everyone turns a blind eye….I haven’t forgotten these animals and monsters.

Which is why, I refuse to run to any of them. I don’t know which ones… It was probably, all of them but how would I know because people stopped talking to me?

By the ways that ‘love me, love me not’ game rotates songs specifically to remind me of the men that I know from my lyrics writing days. I say, ‘Shame on you for hating me for wanting some rights.’

I am certain that the people that are at my job were trying to harass me for the sole purpose of benefiting someone else; as if we were in competition. I assure you that I will not hurt myself so others can profit for destroying me. What kind of man would sick all these people on me for financial gain or even to hide their dirt?

I am certain that someone already or is trying to profit and I am so pissed. Public got me meaner than two snakes tied together – mean enough to write a tell all. They think I care after twenty plus, plus.

December 23, 2012 Journal entry:

‘I can’t go to the grocery store, a restaurant or work without hearing people breaking their necks to point and laugh at me. If I cared about what they thought I would have broken down over twenty years ago.’

‘They mock and say that I wanted to take short cuts, pay my dues, it’s her fault for what happened, she’s crazy because they are going to lock her up, and just simply hate.’

‘I said that I would try to make a life for myself and I tried to work to achieve something but at each turn, there the people were to block, hinder, attack and keep throwing the past in my face. The people want the past then I will give it to them. I will not spend another day without pursuing justice in every form.’
‘I said that this would be complete by Christmas 2012 and I meant it.’

‘They have taken my family from me by using their power and position. They will pay me for their violations and actions or they will have to kill me- I will not stop. I would rather not have this life than to do nothing and allow this madness to continue. I will fight for what I feel is right. The difference is I can prove all allegations of civil rights violations and my dated journals coincide with many of the events that transpired.’ ‘I don’t deserve to be subjected to these hate-filled animals.’

‘I didn’t want to do this and I know that this is dangerous to expose all that has transpired but I will be damned if I do nothing. I will get my rights to privacy, off public display, and compensation for twenty years of hell because of others actions.’

‘I don’t want any messed up relationships; I don’t want your raggedy ass jobs that I have to go through hell to keep which keeps me barely above water. All you do is sick them stupid people on me at will to run they mouth about that same old stuff. I have had it up to here…so do what you do.’

‘There could have been opportunities made available, doors opened, some type of legal assistance at any point with any one of my valid complaints, car accident, and other instances.’ ‘While everyone running around trying to defend whichever man they keep trying to protect and trying to destroy me or pretend to offer me some minimum dollars, they need to give it a rest.’

‘I am passed caring about protecting any one of the multiple groups involved. Stuck, broke and subjected to constant assholes and haters. ‘Did you know that they tried that same game with the Dangling Carrot?’

‘This time is was with license plates. Someone even had a plate that said 10 days b, I was impressed. It sounds bizarre but can you imagine people jumping lanes to get front of you screaming trying to get your attention to make sure you see. This followed by jokes and laughter afterwards.’ ‘The State of Nevada is definitely cooperating with my civil rights violations, probably under the guise of protection or due to the Patriot Act. I am not a terrorist nor do I wish anything bad on America. I live here and I have no rights in the system that seems to work against me for years by courts ignoring my pleas and complaints.’

‘A word of advice, Nobody thought that I would live this long. In fact, at my last job I heard the managers huddled together when they said that it has been 18 years and she still expecting this to be fixed.’ ‘I tried but my cooperation and silence was misconstrued as weakness and stupidity. I have always had the capability but didn’t want to do this without giving all an opportunity.’ ‘It is obvious that most don’t intend to let me have a life in peace.’
‘I assure you that I am not playing and I am going to need this fixed pronto. That check better be as heavy as anvils!’ ‘Now, that’s funny…Oh, by the way Merry Christmas!’

December 25, 2012 Journal Entry:

 ‘I do not intend to be bullied out of my civil rights, privacy and peace of mind.’
‘I can’t help but wonder if the media is focused solely on certain crimes that are being committed to manipulate. I have noticed a lot of reported gun crimes lately but other reports say that there is no rise in gun crimes.’

‘What I convinced of is that people have serious hater issues.’ Today as I left my apartment, my three neighbors across the way was on their patio staring, snickering and talking loud enough in the hopes that I could hear them. I couldn’t make out all what was said but I noticed by the snickering that they were up to no good. So I took my phone out, pointed towards them to video record them but wouldn’t you know that they scattered like roaches when you turn on the lights. I mean literally seconds and they were ghost. I started to knock on their door and ask them to did they have something to say to me because I was the only one outside in front. I thought that this was hilarious…I guess they didn’t want their five minutes of fame.’

2013 HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

It is not humanly possible for EVERYONE to be wicked and evil.

As you can tell by the time frame, I didn’t just run and write a tell-all book.

I waited, hoped, tried and begged for help prior to making this decision. I hope that this book will reach the right person that is in a position to assist in resolving this matter.

I have a list of groups, agencies, and attorneys that I contacted but no one could find a way for me. I even had a co-worker say, ‘she is waiting for someone to save her’ but what he didn’t know is that I have always been able to save myself but I didn’t want to do this because there is a reason why it has never been done. Usually, they offer money but after decades but what they offer would not cover the damage. Remember, they don’t think I am a human being and they think they are Gods but they are not.

It has been quite an experience and hopefully this will be the beginning of my healing. There is no real justification for the things we experience sometimes but to get past the pain we have to really examine our situations to ensure that it doesn’t continue. I waited twenty years for some kind of decency but decency was refused. I grew tired of the rollercoaster ride, the games and lies.

I found out just recently that one of the men that I worked with at the start of the contract, Larry Roc was promoted to A&R rep. with Zomba/Jive. He definitely advanced in his career; I can’t help but wonder if my lyrics and materials helped.

I guess that would mean that David McPhearson is no longer their A&R person and Larry Roc Campbell took his place.

 Larry Roc Campbell just happened to secure a prominent position within the same publishing company that refused to manage my publishing rights, Zomba– all while my materials were being played on the radio.

This was the same man that I was misled to believe was dead, hurt or incarcerated. I never looked because I didn’t want to know. It was all so painful and is still painful to this day just to know that I never mattered and that this game was supposed to end with my suicide, murder or loss of sanity. I don’t think that I will be able to do that for you and it is not okay. I have really changed over the last two decades.

Since I have been living in my own hell, I have no idea where anyone else is in all this but I am positive I will find out one day.

I tried to find some information on the music industry and attempted to locate some material on Zomba/Jive prior to signing but there was no information available. Even today with all the technology, internet websites, there are no books that really provide real incite on the music industry and its dealings.

 I hope that this guide will help ensure that you don’t fall victim to the games. I am positive that no matter what is said, that there was never any real intention of doing right by me personally. There is no doubt that the goal was to use then discard all for revenge. I was never allowed anything good for any lasting period, it was always taken away. Pictures were painted of me being a horrible person who didn’t deserve anything but death.

It doesn’t take decades to show decency. Each time I would be given the impression that something good would be allowed to happen for me, it would be taken away due to some made up excuse. Sometimes I would be given a date or timeframe and I wanted so bad to be free of this false blame or released from my ‘situation’ but then I would be met by some serious opposition or harassment.
Continuously, I was abandoned because I wouldn’t cooperate blindly in service to those who would benefit and continue to mistreat me. I don’t want anything to do with those who supported that revenge mess.

I WILL BE DAMNED BEFORE I LET THEM DO THE SAME TO MY GRANDCHILDREN!!

I will bet you that they want to show some decency now that I have grown tired of the games. I have sent certified letters to Michigan Dept. of Corrections and Michigan Recorders Court under the Freedom of Information Act in an attempt to obtain more information regarding the 1969 incident. I will also send a copy of this book to a couple more attorneys in another attempt to find resolution. It is my intent to get to the bottom of my family’s history but I am sure that my being chosen for this nightmare was no accident.

These trade secrets and whatever else has been done surrounding all these events that would cause such backlash against me but it is not something that the industry wants to air.
My journals reflect my growth as a person, in that; I am no longer full of anger and despair. I have freed myself of those who surrounded me with negativity. Although I had to relive my nightmare repeatedly by compiling my life’s events, I now have clarity with regards to what happened to me in full. It is truly time to let go of the anger that fueled me in order to continue moving forward.

In spite of what people may say, I am not prejudice against any particular race. I am disappointed in many and I would like to see a time where more work together for good instead of coming together for bad. We already know Haters continue to hate so be cautious.

I spent many years looking for the good guys to only come to the conclusion that I am the only good guy when it comes to my well-being. So save yourself because nobody else will.

Recently, we have had so many stars fall from the sky, Aaliyah, Michael Jackson, Whitney, Tina Marie, just to name a few…You will be missed!
Remember:
‘It takes a special kind of person to successfully maneuver any career in the music industry. You have to have a great deal of patience, inner strength and above all a good healthy attitude toward life. Then, that is when talent comes into play.’

‘There are many routes one can take to make it in the business. There is always the old fashioned way – grandfather clause. You could have a close relative let you coax in on their back. As with any club that has member’s only policy, you can buy your way in but it cost big crazy change and part of your soul. Then there are those that live in the moment and seize the opportunity by taking others materials- be wary.’

I have always loved music and even after my horrific ordeal, I continue to enjoy all kinds of music daily. I urge you to be diligent in your efforts and choose wisely.

I truly wish you the best in all your endeavors and may you surround yourself with positive good people. Don’t let them deceive you with games and lies. Know that they will use your family, friends and the very system that is supposed to uphold the laws. Be wary because all that glitters is not gold. Yes, they can make you but it is easier for them to just take and keep it all. Never give up.

Stay blessed.

MUSIC BUSINESS: IT’S A DIRTY GAME!
Extra Clippings and Inserts – Free
“Along the way I was met with extreme opposition and I have faced many obstacles. I wanted to share some of them with those who would like to know the truth behind the lies and tactics.”  – Tiwanda Lovelace

AVAILABLE @ http://7westpublishing.com/

AVAILABLE NOW!

MUSIC, MURDER AND MAYHEM

By Tiwanda ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace
An un-cut non-fiction description of how the music entertainment business murders its artist and writers quietly behind the scenes. This book describes how those with money, power, and position use mass manipulation to discredit, its use of technology to spy, use of threats and intimidation to isolate.  This is about the struggle of one writer who was blessed with the opportunity to survive and the will to refuse to settle for less. Realizing what would be the point of a temporary relief from injustice and unwarranted cruelty only to ultimately be subjected to the same inhumanity within a few years. 
People always say that the Music Business is a dirty business but they have no full idea of to what extent. They assume that these artist just sign bad deals that allow producers and managers to take everything but this is not always the case. This industry has gotten so outlandishly dirty that they don’t even bother to try to hide their methods, they just take your ideas, musical works – (music, lyrics and melodies) with brute force. I didn’t give permission and I did not sign my works away, I signed one co-publishing agreement for fifty percent – ONLY. I was forced to listen to my musical lyrics and melodies on the radio for decades as the top the charts but received only threats.
It is important that people understand the ‘game’ and how it ultimately affects others. They cut, chop and shop your work. Meanwhile, chaos ensues when these victimized human beings wreak havoc fighting for these stolen works and royalties.
Industry people know ‘the game’ and they know how to manipulate situations so that when you refuse to dehumanize yourself, drop to your knees and allow them to take everything; they label you as trouble. I refer to this as ‘Painting a picture,’ because that is what is done to display you as the culprit. As with any business, there is competition and the struggle for power and money.
Being a predominately male run business, it is needless to state that it is extremely more difficult for a female to enter the business unscathed. Regardless of gender, the tactics that are most commonly used against both men and women are similar but may be implemented differently. These tactics include isolation, sex, drugs and alcohol just to name a few but ultimately it is usually designed around each individual.

Like animals circling its prey, victims are surrounded, stalked, studied and set-up. Like lambs led to slaughter, you won’t realize the severity of your situation until you are knee deep in what I commonly refer to as a ‘shit-storm’ of backstabbing friends, oppressing family members, snaking strangers and money grubbing manipulators intent on keeping you subjected and suppressed if they are unable to make a profit.

COMING SOON!

INVISIBLE: Living in America without Rights – 2013!

By Tiwanda ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace
Finding Justice – Difficult but Possible!
Due to that long list that consisted of very prominent music labels, prominent music industry people, prominent  attorney’s, groups and organizations provided in this book who were contacted for assistance, I can understand why it is so important for this information to remain hidden.
Even decades later; once released, it would reflect poorly on each entity and those who are supposed to uphold the law. It is probably because these are the same entities that are supposed to uphold and protect the rights of the people; yet, palms are greased and backs are turned.
Laws and Rights mean nothing if they don’t apply to everyone. What kind of message does this send to the people in 2013? It would appear that the life of one individual in comparison to the prominent, upscale and influential people has no value.  ANYONE can do anything to anyone if they have more friends and wealth.
I hope that this book reaches those who are unaware of the fact that even though the world is changing; it doesn’t change for all. I hope that you will see beyond my immediate anger and sadness reflected in my journals targeted toward my oppressors.
The documentation provided along with my personal experiences shared in this book should demonstrate the lengths that those who have abused their positions to strip me of my life publicly by using illegal tactics, mass deception and intimidation. Even though there are incidents that actually obtain media attention, there are numerous unjust events that do not receive acknowledgment.
While this book demonstrated some of the tactics used in my case with Zomba/BMG (now Universal Music Group. I have compiled some of my personal experiences with the court system in other cases in my other book – Invisible: Living in America without Rights – 2013!
Although I have been treated horribly by many, I still treat people with courtesy and decency. I believe that this is where real change can start. Treat people like you want to be treated seems corny but you never know if the person that you choose to mistreat has already been through the ringer. That simple gesture can make your day or it could be the difference between changing that persons view on life. I know that a few kind words from strangers helped restore my faith in the possibility of Justice. I am still and will continue to seek assistance in obtaining Justice from a world that does not recognize my humanity.

Seven West Productions is currently 

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SWP – Platinum 30/40/50 Program ‘Well-informed people, make better decisions…’

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Giving You the Business!


Shedding Light on the Darkest Parts of the Business of Music!

Seven West Productions is a publishing company that recognizes that almost everyone knows someone who is an aspiring artist, musician, producer or dancer. 

We also recognized that well-informed people, make better decisions so by fully equipping our youth with knowledge obtained from others experiences, we can prevent them from being victimize; therefore, have less prodigal sons and daughters.



Since I have received an extreme amount of opposition, I need your help raising awareness and reaching others who are in a position to work through organizations, foundations, companies to fully equip our aspiring young adult artist.

Seven West Productions has compiled a set of publications which demonstrate firsthand what traps await them by providing detailed information regarding methods and tactics used. 

  • There are no other books that will provide extensive knowledge regarding their process.

  • These publications are not easily accessible through mainstream publishers solely due to the information provided within and due to conflicting with the goals of a billion dollar industry.

  • By participating in this program as a Member or Sponsor, you will have the opportunity to purchase these rare publications that shed light on the darkest parts of an industry that has claimed so many lives.

  • By participating in our PLATINUM 30/40/50 program, you will automatically receive up to (50%) fifty percent discount off already low price on publications that are exclusive to our Members/Sponsors. These extreme discounts are only available to our Members/Sponsors andincludes discounts on sale items.

It would be an honor to work with your prestigious company. Given a chance, we can prove our value to your prestigious 
organizations, foundations, companies by producing and delivering our easy to use program compiled of thought-driven publications geared to protecting our youth. 

Please take a moment to go through our attached proposal to find out the value our collaboration promises to bring to your business.

Either as Member or Sponsor, your assistance will to increase our ability to reach to a much wider audience who is in great need of these publications.


Looking forward to hear from you soon. 


You may view full presentation by contacting us directly using our contact information provided below. 


Thank you for your time!

You may view the entire presentation below or at: 

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Sincerely,

Tiwanda Lovelace, Founder

Seven West Productions

P. O. Box 400001, 

Las Vegas, NV 89140

Phone: 702.900.4087



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If you have already researched books on the subject of the music business then you have found that a lot of the books that are written denouncing the industry are portrayed as fanatical, demonic and are downright comical. 

Personally, I am certain that there is a degree of evil involved in the business and it is possible some individuals who would sell their souls for a successful career but I didn’t look twice at those titles. 

It is almost as if those books are deliberately, readily accessible but the titles that would truly provide insight are not as easy to find. 

Well, look no further…


MUSIC, MURDER AND MAYHEM

By Tiwanda ‘Ne Ne’ Lovelace

An un-cut non-fiction description of how the music entertainment business murders its artist and writers quietly behind the scenes.

People always say that the Music Business is a dirty business but they have no full idea of to what extent. They assume that these artist just sign bad deals that allow producers and managers to take everything but this is not always the case.

It is important that people understand the ‘game’ and how it ultimately affects others. They cut, chop and shop your work. Meanwhile, chaos ensues when these victimized human beings wreak havoc fighting for these stolen works and their share of royalties.

Industry people know ‘the game’ and they know how to manipulate situations so that when you refuse to dehumanize yourself, drop to your knees and allow them to take everything… they label you as trouble. As with any business, there is competition and the struggle for power and money.

This book describes how those with money, power, and position use mass manipulation to discredit, its use of technology to spy, use of threats and intimidation to isolate.  

This is about the struggle of one writer who was blessed with the opportunity to survive and the will to refuse to settle for less. Realizing what would be the point of a temporary relief from injustice and unwarranted cruelty only to ultimately be subjected to the same inhumanity within a few years. 

Like animals circling its prey, victims are surrounded, stalked, studied and set-up. Like lambs led to slaughter, you won’t realize the severity of your situation until you are knee deep in what I commonly refer to as a ‘shit-storm’ of backstabbing friends, oppressing family members, snaking strangers and money grubbing manipulators intent on keeping you subjected and suppressed if they are unable to make a profit.

SAMPLE AUDIO BOOK VERSION:


THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!

 THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!
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Music Business:
It’s a Dirty Game! Part I
Music Business:
It’s a Dirty Game! Part II
Music Business:
It’s a Dirty Game! Part III
Music Business:
It’s a Dirty Game! Part IV
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IT’SA DIRTY GAME


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THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!

 THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!
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Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game! Part I
Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game! Part II
Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game! Part III
Music Business: It’s a Dirty Game! Part IV
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MUSIC BUSINESS: 
IT’S A DIRTY GAME

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